Greetings from Lockdown Sydney

Well, here we are locked down in Sydney (again). Gladys hasn’t done a very good job but we still love her, dodgy ex-boyfriend and all. I see Annastacia (Pallachook) is still trying to give ScoMo a kick in the head every chance she gets and I don’t understand why. I always feel much safer with the Prophet from the Shire (Paul Keating’s description) and the Potato Head Warrior from Qld in charge of things. Why are the Libs always run by religious zealots, I thought it was only the Taliban that asked for these stringent qualifications? For the uninformed, the previous one was the Mad Monk a.k.a Tony Abbott who trained at a seminary for a while. The only exception to the rule seems to be that climate fearing heretic Turnbull. I’m still trying to make that positive connection between saving the planet and living in Point Piper with all those other billionaires but try as I might, it eludes me… but what the hell, he is making a pilgrimage to Glasgow (by private jet) to pay homage so it’s all ok. What can I say about the other lot? I did write to Penny Wong and asked her to send Albo to some elocution classes; not to the same classes they sent Rudd and Gilliard to…we all know what happened there. Looks like he has had some dental work done which is good; a protruding cuspid of any sort tends to put the electorate off. Maybe one of those modern asymmetrical haircuts with the coiffured roll over might work? Just trying to be helpful you know.

 

 

I see the Prophet from the Shire and Sleepy Joe Biden have tried to improve their comedy act by enlisting Boris the Buffoon, all the way from London. Sleepy has to do something, his popularity rating is dropping faster than the purchasing power of the $USD. Yes, worth a shot but if you keep printing money, you end up with rampant inflation. I think it’s been tried before and people had to replace their wallets with wheelbarrows. But not to fear; we have a new name for it now- Quantitative Easing and Modern Monetary Theory and should be able to bamboozle the general public for a while. Boris is ‘desperately seeking someone,’ anyone really for his Global Britain thing after a stellar job managing the Covid-19 crisis and Brexit. You have to applaud his hands on approach, actually catching covid himself to confirm it was not just a little flu. Let me see, there was some other world leader that tried this approach. He had remarkably similar characteristics, fat, bad haircut and delusions of grandeur…I’ll think of his name in a moment.

 

 

Well, they have come up with something called AUKUS between them. One of the Sydney M Herald readers thought USUKA was more appropriate but others prefer SUKARS. There is a duality in the juxtaposition of the two acronyms which provides a modern interpretation of sycophantic behaviour so I can see both arguments have merit. The French disagree, as they often do and have provided a robust challenge with their suggestion, FUKUS. The ASEAN nations and our Pacific neighbours have politely suggested RUKUS, because this is what it might cause. But why should anyone be concerned when you have the world’s best policemen patrolling your beat, after all their police work at home and abroad to date has been outstanding.

 

 

I must go, have to binge watch some Netflix for the next five hours and eat half a kilo of junk food. Yes, us Millennials will always follow the behavioural norms of Facebook. It makes decision making much easier. I can’t wait for the next stage as we come out of lockdown, most likely a cleansing purge of protein shakes and green alfalfa smoothies. My apologies if I have upset anyone with any acute political convictions, that is all you far right fascists and left-wing loonies out there.

 

 

 

 

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