Funny teams: Dale Thomas in, Nick Stevens out of line-up of two-first-namers

By Tom Riordan
You’d think that the school holidays would bring a break to writing, compiling, or even thinking. But on the first day of the holidays I had the idea, after watching the promising debut of Liam Anthony for North Melbourne at the MCG the day before, of naming a team of AFL players who have two first names.
For example, Dale Thomas has two first names but I wouldn’t allow Nick Stevens into the group as Stevens isn’t a first name.
My Dad and I ran through The Age preseason footy magazine and we managed to find more than 70 players, three coaches, five so umpires and three commentators.                                                                                                                                                    It can be quite funny, because on some occasions the last name is a better first name than the one alredy in place. For example, Kepler Bradley of Fremantle (While I was typing this on Microsoft word, Kepler came up as an unknown word!).
Before doing our research, Dad and I predicted that there would be a maximum of 50 players with two first names but as we approached Richmond—the 12th club in alphabetical order—we realised that we had cleared that mark and we still had players such as Brett Kirk, Kieren Jack and Dale Morris to come.
The activity was enjoyable, but with there is a consequence: whenever I watch a football match from now on, I will always be noticing the first name-last namers.
I hope you enjoy scanning through this team, because I definitely enjoyed compiling it.
P.S. I will now be looking forward to the Ashes series on ABC radio, listening to Glenn Mitchell and Jim Maxwell.

Team of two first-namers
Dale Morris, Dustin Fletcher, Leo Barry
HB: Bernie Vince, Tom Harley, Nick Maxwell
C: James Kelly, Joel Corey, Matthew Boyd
HF: Brad Dick, Lance Franklin, Brent Harvey
F: Leon Davis, Matthew Lloyd, Jack Anthony
R: Josh Fraser, Brett Kirk, Sam Mitchell
Inter: Jordan Lewis, Dale Thomas, Scott Lucas, Mark Blake
Coach: Dean Bailey, Mark Harvey, Neil Craig
Umpires: Simon Meredith, Mathew James, Scott Jeffery

About Tom Riordan

Tom Riordan is in his second year of a Bachelor of Journalism at Swinburne University. He loves all sports, and plays for Brunswick Cricket Club. He supports the Western Bulldogs and can be found on weekends among half a dozen others in Q38 on the top level of the MCC.


  1. Well I had a laugh over my muesli this morning! Great idea Tom for a footy team – I have a feeling I’m going to be conscious of the 2-first-namers for a while now! Keep up the good work.
    mmm – World Cup…. Lucas Neill…. ;)

  2. johnharms says


    And now for the team of players with two surnames?


  3. TomRiordan says

    That could be a challenge, but will attack with both hands!!!

  4. Taylor Walker?

  5. What about of team of just plain silly names? Cheynee Stiller, Bradd Dalziell, Liam Jurrah…

  6. Steve Healy says

    Steele Sidebottom? your on to something josh, sorry it’s taken me 5 months to reply. And no, Liam Jurrah is not a silly name

  7. Dave Nadel says

    My favourite silly name has always been Heath Scotland. I kind of hoped that he would marry a woman named Rose England.

    In the Heath Scotland tradition, I am hoping that former Collingwood player and Brisbane and now Sydney administrator Andrew Ireland has a sister named Clover Ireland. I also hope for a Leek Wales but somehow I don’t think we will ever see a player called Wattle Australia.

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