First Test – Day 1: Cricket for the sleep deprived and office bound

Friday. What’s the time? 5:30am. Trudge up hall way. Get daughter. Give daughter to wife. Shower. Dry. Dress. Wife and daughter asleep, that’d be right. Doesn’t help Dad, too late for him.


Open blinds. Gloomy day. Boil kettle. Two teaspoons of coffee this morning. Consume brekkie. Make lunch. Drink coffee and zone out watching morning TV. Off to work safe in the knowledge that Hugh Jackman loves his Hollywood Star and the Radio Hoax callers are under guard in safe houses.


Small talk with the car pool guy. Get to work. Swipe the clock card. Fire up the computer, put in the password. Wait. Wait. Check email. Check facebook. Check footy forums. Check Almanac. Check facebook. Check footy forums. Check Almanac.


Gees look at all this bloody paperwork. Should do something about that. Check facebook.
What now. News, I can check the news.


Ah. First Test starts today. Beauty. Better fire up Cricinfo, gotta knock something up for the Almanac for that. Still half an hour to go. Bugger.

Make coffee. Two teaspoons. Hello, cake in the lunchroom, don’t mind if I do.

What’s the lowdown. Some discussion on the pitch, been on the dodge a bit down in Tassie apparently. Hughes comes in for Ricky. Good to see a Redback in there. Sri Lanka have a pop gun attack. Watson is stressed. Ha! He can come and do some of my paperwork if he wants.


Here we go, Australia win the toss and bat. Over 0.1…….

Ball is doing a bit. A couple of loose shots but runs ticking over.

WICKET! Cowan! Pull shot eh? Loose. Oh well, let’s see what Hughes can do with his new Croweater technique. Off the mark with a cut shot to the boundary if you don’t mind.

Paperwork. Better do some of this paperwork. Did someone say cake?


Nearly 11am, time to go out and serve some customers. Hooray.

And we start off with a crazy one. You’re going to sue us because our computers don’t work. Righto mate. Someone’s missed their meds this morning. Calm down. Stop ogling the hot back packer next to you. Yea yea, see you in court buddy.

Now, back to business. Cricket scores. Warner’s got his 50. Beauty. Plenty of boundaries, that’s what I like to see. RUN OUT! Oh dear. Have these blokes even batted together yet though? Don’t think so.

Desk shift nearly done. Here’s a customer. Ha! His name is John Lennon. And he’s wearing a t-shirt with John Lennon on the front. There’s one for the conspiracy theorists. Someone better tell Yoko.

Lunch. A vegemite and cheese sandwich, excitement plus. Maybe I’ll toast it, that’ll spice things up a bit.


The cricketers are back from lunch. Hope it was a bit more exciting that mine. Stressed out Watson is at the crease. The runs are coming a bit slower now, back to test cricket now Warner’s out I guess. Hughes is holding his own, but hardly lighting things up.


Spoke too soon. Hughes starting to ark up a bit now. A few boundaries coming. That’s it Hughesy. Show us what you’ve got.

Meeting reminder. Damn. Forgot about that. With the boss too, can’t get out of that one.

Hmmm, evaluating quotes. Hmmmm, yes, very interesting. Yes I love that staffing structure. Fantastic. I’d love some more paperwork, just what I was looking for. Get me outta here.

3 o’clock. Bloody hell, still 2 hours to get through.


Coffee time. Two teaspoons again I think.

What’s the cricket doing. 3/196. Gee’s that’s come along a bit. Hughes on 85 but stress head Watto has gotten himself out. How’d he do it – caught at second slip for 30. Have a camomile tea and a chill out mate, it’s all good.

OUT! Hughes! Nooooooo! Bowled, what a bugger. Would’ve been nice to see him get a century. 86 is a solid enough comeback though, he should be happy with that.

Ah Clarke & Hussey at the crease. What a combination.

Bloody paperwork. Like a Chinese torture, death by a thousand paper cuts.


Gees, slow going Clarkey & Huss. Just like the bloody clock. Come on 5pm. Pitch must be doing a bit for the run rate to be this slow.

Nearly 5. Come on…… and there it is. Let’s blow this joint.

Hit the road Jack. Home James and don’t spare the horses.

What’s for dinner? Schnitzels. Good one.

Pop the news on. How did the cricket end up? Clarkey & Huss still in, Australia 290 odd. Good effort, sets things up nicely for tomorrow.


Time for a beer.

Gees I’m rooted.

About Ben Footner

I'm tragic Crows fan, avid lawn bowler, public librarian and father of 2 little kiddies. Sometimes I also find time amongst all that to squeeze out the occasional article for the Almanac.


  1. Peter Schumacher says

    Another hard day at the office. What a bugger. The cricket was scarcely scintillating but in any case still smarting over our inability to win in Adelaide let alone the Perth result.

  2. Colin Ritchie says

    Entertaining read Ben, thoroughly enjoyed it.

  3. Ben Footner says

    I work in a library, just to give the story a bit more context. A bit of a different take but I’m sure it’s a routine echoed by many around the country!

  4. John Butler says

    A nice sample of modern workplace ennui Ben.

Leave a Comment