‘Erb (by C. J. Dennis)

‘Erb- by C.J.Dennis

Do you know ‘Erb? Now, there’s a dinkum sport.
If football’s on your mind, why, ‘Erb’s the sort
To put you wise. It’s his whole end an’ aim.
Keen? He’s as keen as mustard on the game.
Football is in his blood. He thinks an’ schemes
All through the season; talks of it an’ dreams
An’ eats an’ sleeps with football on his mind.
Yes: ‘Erb’s a sport – the reel whole-hearted kind.

‘A healthy, manly sport.’ That’s wot ‘Erb says.
You ought to see his form on football days:
Keyed up, reel eager, eyes alight with joy,
Full of wise schemes for his team to employ.
Knows all about it – how to kick a goal,
An’ wot to do if they get in a hole.
Enthusiasm? Why, when ‘Erb gets set
He is a sight you couldn’t well forget.

There ain’t a point about it he don’t know –
All of the teams an’ players, top to toe.
The rules, the tricks – it’s marvellous the way
He follers – Wot? Good Lord, no, he don’t play.
‘Erb? Playin’ football? Blimey! Have a heart!
Why, he’d drop dead before he got a start.
Aw’, don’t be silly. ‘Erb don’t have to play;
He knows more than them players any day.

He’s never had a football in his hand,
‘Cept once, when it was kicked up in the stand.
No, ‘Erb ain’t never played; he only sits
An’ watches ’em, an’ yells, an’ hoots, and splits
His sides with given’ mugs some sound advice
An’ tellin’ umpires things wot ain’t too nice.
Aw, look; your ejication ain’t complete
Till you know ‘Erb. You reely ought to meet.

About Stephen Whiteside

Stephen Whiteside is primarily a writer of rhyming verse. He has been writing for over thirty years, and writes for both adults and children. Many of his poems have been published in magazines and anthologies, both in Australia and overseas, or won awards. His collection of rhyming verse for children, "'The Billy That Died With Its Boots On' and Other Australian Verse", was published by Walker Books in May 2014. Stephen performs regularly at folk festivals around the country - mostly in Victoria. He is also a great fan of the Australian poet C. J. Dennis. He is a foundation member of the C. J. Dennis Society, and is closely involved in the organisation of the annual Toolangi C. J. Dennis Poetry Festival. Stephen is a long-suffering Melbourne supporter.

Comments

  1. Kevin McDonnell says

    We’ve all met ‘Erb.

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