Da da da da daaa, da da da da daaa

I don’t’ despise nor loathe the Magpies. I simply hate them. Hate is the singular emotion that sums up a person’s utter contempt for their enemy. Not a Fatwa type of hate but the type that leads you to never mention their name without it being prefaced with a profanity. So as I settle in front of the tele before the opening bounce, I can feel that inner passion begin to bubble. A passion that only a Blues v Pies game can conjure up.

The pre-game has had more clichés than a Tony Abbott press conference but the bottom line is the Blues have to win to prove their street creds and the Pies have to win to shut up Mick Malthouse. I am quietly confident that we have the leg speed to worry the Pies and the addition of some better defenders, and the exclusion of Mrs Thornton’s boy Brett (please Alfred E, never pick this dolt again), swells that confidence to a 23 point winning prediction. I was partially correct as the Blues had belted the Pies in the first stanza by that exact margin in a display of footy that had me hugging my 95’ autographed Sherrin to bursting. The boys were fast alright and not just April fast. They were bloody fast and not against some hacks from Brisbane and Punt Rd. They were belting the Pies in every position.

The second quarter followed a similar theme with the Pies looking more like hapless buffaloes than Premiership contenders. They can spruik all they like at the Leyland P76 Centre about the slow build to the end of season. Based on the first half, the ultimate conclusion to the Pies campaign will be in August.
M. Kreuzer continues to get better and better (surely in the best two ruckman in the league) and his combination with the Messiah was something to behold. Hampson’s recent foray into chaperoning Megan Gale hasn’t done his game any harm proving that having a stunning model on your arm is good for your footy. The read on Murphy is also on the money. The kid can play and, combined with the other 6 midfield options, make getting the footy a tough ask for any opposition team. The Blues were simply too good although the Pies had plugged a few gaps and kept within striking distance at the main break.

The second half saw the Blues keep coming and coming and coming. The Pies were down one on the bench and Buckley looked like he had trodden in dog shit. The game eventually blew out to a comfortable 60 point or 10 goal or 122 to 62 walloping with the Happy Pants finishing with five and the Carlton midfield finishing with leather poisoning. The men of ink were held most of the night and Harry O’s arrogance in defence may well be wearing thin and becoming a liability. Much like Dawes and Heath Shaw, who are just plain shite. And would someone remind Maxwell that he is a defender as in going to an opponent. Playing a a non-accountable kick behind the game may help you stats Nick but does bugger all for you team. Carlton’s Achilles, the backline, was solid and the number of scoring options makes Fev’s tenure at Princes Park a distant memory. Nine goal scorers, which is becoming a constant in the Blues offence.

The Pies need to go into the room of mirrors. Unfortunately what they will see is the ghost of Mick behind their backs and a playing list that lacks depth. The Blues are the real deal. Not quite Premiership real deal but certainly a huge threat for a top four finish, which the Pies are surely not. You can’t win a flag at the start of the year but you can lose the chance at it and last night the Pies lost a lot of footing. The Blues have been cooking stuff for a few years now and finely the aroma has the senses in overdrive. If my Carlton strut still had a slight limp prior to last night, it has certainly been fully rehabilitated now and I’m walking tall and strong along the road the Promised Land.

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About Tony Robb

A life long Blues supporter of 49 years who has seen some light at the end of the tunnel that isn't Mick Malthouse driving a train.


  1. Barbara Smith says

    Love your work, Tony.
    Da da da da da…..

  2. LOVED reading this. You’re right, Maxwell needs to read the game better in that his team was losing and they needed a more in and under type play from him. His wide receiving approach will not help a team that is now struggling with form and injuries. Was in cloud nine watching my beloved Blues play last night in Far North QLD (first game of the season I was watching them play in as the previous two rounds were Thursday night games which are not shown up here) and belting, of all teams, the Collywobbles

  3. John Butler says

    Sing it again brother. Sing it again.

  4. The Blues were terrific, and are really exciting for a non-partisan to watch. Serious top 4 in a year with a number of really good top sides. Scarey.
    Armfield does a lot of the hard chasing and tackling. JWaite looked a forward threat for the first time in memory. Betts and Garlett are so quick they often outrun their own feet.
    Still the first 20 minutes of the second quarter gives me hope. Lack of depth in the talls makes you vulnerable when you bomb it, or when Kreuzer and White go missing for a while. Hampson doesn’t convince me yet.
    The Pies were ‘delicious’. Dawes makes Quinten Lynch look like Wayne Carey. Jolly has been a terrific ruckmen – but there is no cartilage or spring left in those knees. Pendlebury and Thomas are still pining for Uncle Mick. They are all playing for themselves – a fine FIGJAM tradition.
    One last reality check – Kreuzer is terrific. Would be a great CHF out West. Lovely palming over those water buffaloes last night. Better ruckman than Natanui, Cox and Sandlands??? Bring it on.
    Love your work, Tony. 7pm telecasts out West this year are making Friday nights a joy for us Foxtel deniers.

  5. Tony Robb says

    Thanks guys I notice the Pies faithful have disappeared quicker than a blowie in winter Still the Pies are missing a few but not enough to make up 10 goals on that display. People will state the obvious that he Blues have been shit for along time so don’t get ahead of yourself. I don’t care a Pies flogging is something to relish and how bloody stupid does Joffa look in the white hat

  6. Richard Naco says

    “And I guess that’s why they call it The Blues”?

    Enjoy it, Bluebaggers – your team played like true contenders, and it was a hell of a way to break a drought.

  7. Dave Nadel says

    No we haven’t gone missing we are just letting the ignorant have the gloat that they have waited more than a decade for. In due course I will write my piece for the Floreat Pica society which will no doubt be republished here.

    Carlton played well. Kreuzer, Murphy and Gibbs clearly were worth Carlton’s tanking for them last decade. Chris Judd was worth all the strings and dirty deals the late Richard Pratt pulled to get him to the Blues. BTW has he done any ambassadoring for recycling yet? Hampson, Betts, Waite and Carazzo, who were acquired by more legitmate means, are clearly good footballers.

    I would not however get to carried away with your imitations of the traditional Harris/Elliott pig ignorant arrogance. It is only the third game of the season and even if things have gone badly for the Pies at the moment that does not even guarantee that the Blues will beat the Pies next time they meet and it certainly doesn’t guarantee that they will beat the Eagles, Cats and Hawks.

  8. Tony Robb says

    Gee Dave ” I’m not bitter but” Maybe the AFL might do draw that requires the Pies to leave their own post code and don’t come back with that red herring about everyone wanting to play us Everyone just wants the chance to flog you . Carlton took their chance and exposed a very ordinary side devoid of players willing to have a real dip and full of belief about the bullshit that people like Sheehan have been blowing up their arses for five years. Suck it up Dave as you’ll need the practice

  9. Tony Robb says

    And another thing Dave I was driving down the Hume last week and Juddy was behind the wheel of a Visy B Double Blue singlet and all and happily without tattoos

  10. Dave Nadel says

    It’s not a red herring Tony. In a situation where the home team gets the gate takings every Victorian club wants to play Collingwood at the “G”. If you want a draw that makes Collingwood travel more and play more games at the sunless hole near the Docks that your former President Collins betrayed you into, there is a way to do it. Just persuade the AFL to follow the old VFL policy of pooling all gate takings and dividng them equally between all clubs, Carlton would oppose this as much as Collingwood, because they along with Essendon, West Coast and Adelaide would lose heaps of money.

    As a long term Collingwood supporter I am well aware of the consequences of counting chickens before the are hatched. We will drag your article out of the archives when your premature ejaculations come to grief in the reality of a long season.

    I’m not so much bitter as annoyed by the ignorance that you show in your arrogant article. I guess it must be that hate you feel for Collingwood that encourages you to describe Heath Shaw as “Shite” thereby indicated to all almanac readers that you know nothing about football. As you should be able to see from both my replies to you and my Floreat Pica report of the match, I don’t deny the obvious skills of some of Carlton’s players. I just condemn the way the Blues acquired some of them.

  11. Dave Nadel says

    Second last paragraph should read “counting chickens before they are hatched”

    Tony, Juddy doesn’t need a sleevefull of tattoos to look ridculous. He has a stupid haircut instead.

  12. Andrew Starkie says

    Crime pays Blues. Dirty money brought Judd over.

  13. In much the same spirit as Spike Milligan’s war memoir, I would like to claim my part in the resurgence of the Carlton Football Club. While they were in Abu Dhabi for pre-season training, and taking our Auskicking sons through some skills, I managed to inspire a number of players with some wisdom. In particular Kreuzer, Eddie and Henderson were blessed with an interaction. I think all Carlton fans would agree these 3 had a big hand in Fridays shenanigans. I’m sure I could have improved Judd’s game had he been there too.

    You’re welcome.

  14. Andrew, to quote Gough Whitlam “only the impotent are pure”…

  15. Tony Robb says

    Liza go girl lol. Andrew and Dave are a little “testy” the harsh reality of the dynasty evaporating before their eyes is too hard to take. But for an errant bounce the Pies would still be one from 53 years

  16. Tony Robb says

    Oops I meant Litza and I’m not sure if your female Oh wel good sledge all the same
    Cheers TR

  17. I didn’t think that the silver headed Richard Cranium type person(mit hat) in amongst the Collingwood persons at one end of the ground did the cause any service what so ever when he agressively pointed at the No 3 Carlton person who had just kicked a goal and ran behind the stick.

    It looked like the sort of response one may be forgiven for addressing a nasty criminal, like Pol Pot or Hitler, who had done some foul deed(s) against humanity.

  18. Skip of Skipton says

    There is no thread up yet, so I will use this one. North played brilliantly tonight. They are a good improving outfit. I like the cut of their jib. Cats were clumsy, fumbling and slow. Every time the Cats kicked a goal and looked like they were getting on top, North responded. It is sad to see, but Chappy is GONE!.. Horlin-Smith looked classy.

    One thing that gives me succour is Richmond at K-Park next weekend. Richmond have a habit of turning up at the right time for the Cats.

  19. Richard Naco says

    I’ll wait for Josh to write his report before I say anything.

    But it’d be fair to expect nothing but all due kudos to the winners from the Cats in this community.

    (And that our response is likely to be quite anticlimactic after this little exchange.)

  20. Christ Harmsy, you can get a bit melodramatic. Two wins and a loss – and now you want to call your match report “Four Funerals and a Wedding”. Have you and Chappy both given up the ghost at the same time, and conceded to the Tigers already??

  21. Well, I haven’t given up just yet Peter.

    We will have to lift our game but we have played three teams that will feature in finals footy in the first bit.

    How’s the Titanic Eagles draw been? Bulldogs, Melbourne and Western Sydney. Ice in the mist; first class passengers in for a cold shock.

    It is a pity about Chappy. He only does well against the tough, as with physically hard close in stuff, sides. That limits him a bit as there are not many of them about these days.

  22. Listen you lot I won’t have this thread turn into some quasi Roos match report. Its just bloody typical of you lot. For Chist sake stand alone and stop hanging off the coat tails of other clubs and towns. lol
    Great win for the Kangas all the same

  23. But Tony, the Roos is the big news, not the Blues.

  24. Dave Nadel says

    And the Roos are so much nicer when they win than the Blues

  25. Dave,

    2005 Draft….Thomas…..Pendlebury……Blowing a 26 point lead in time-on v NM….Buckley at FF all night v Carlton the next week, all 6 B’low votes to Carlton midfielders….glass houses…..stones, the reckless projection thereof….

    Besides, if Calton tanked 2005, that means they weren’t actually the worst side in the AFL that year, which means some other mob were. Who might that have been?

  26. Rck
    Stop being so logical. The Pies couldn’t get over the Bolte bridge let alone there own sad history.

  27. Pamela Sherpa says

    Tony -are you ready for the Bombers this weekend ?

  28. I’m guessing your limp has now returned Tony?

  29. Pamela Sherpa says

    Here’s a litttle ditty to cheer you up Tony .(check for redbacks before you hop in)


    Sorry Tony ,don’t be glum
    Playing footy’s just for fun
    Sorry Tony, I’m terribly sad for you.
    (woh woh wo be do)

    Sorry Tony and Blue boys
    Hirdy’s Bombers did destroy
    Sorry Tony, it’s just a game, it’s true
    (doo doo doo doooo doo doo)

  30. watt price tully says

    The enemy of my enemy is my friend & according to Wiki is both a Chinese & Arabic proverb.

    Having been lucky enough (raffle) to go to the Presidents lunch at Etihad watching my beloved pies I was hoping for a tough physical encounter between Carrrlton & Essendon to at least provide a smidgeon of balance for the upcoming Anzac day game. Wrongs started to get righted.

    Collingwood won & Essendon won & for my mixed marriage family (partner & youngest daughter both follow the Dons) it was a good day had by all. A good day for peoplekind, a good day for humanity.
    Eine, Kliene, Shineh (& things couldn’t be finer in Carolina) Shadenfreude.

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