Coming of age

By Keiran Deck

What was that? Did you say something?

Must have been…Ouch! What is that? It looks like. Well I don’t know what it looks like…Ouch! Will you stop? I’m trying to…trying to.

I’m trying to find out how to use these. They’re meaty and I can move them mighty fast. I might call them… legs. Yes legs, that sounds good for these. But they’ll need a name to fire the fans up… what about…Jared Brennan. That’ll do. Let’s see what you can do Jared Brennans. Well that feels good. Let’s kick it through the posts again.


Ouch! Who is that? Hey, not those posts. Listen pal, I may be new to this world but if you keep doing that I’ll have to Hunt you. That’s right, I’ll use these big Karmichael Hunts attached to my Gary Ablett to play it my way. What’s that? Okay. You walk over there while I stay here for five minutes.

Now what was that word I used before? It tasted nice. Ry…try…trying. Mmm, I am trying. Trying with all the Josh Caddy I have. Where is this place? It smells new. There are lots of people who seem to like me. Hi there…here, watch as my Gary Ablett slots one early in the second quarter. Excited by that? Yeah? Okay, watch this one from the guts; an ‘Aaron Hall’, if you like. Brandon Matera, dictating the flow – another goal.

Wait, oh okay, Bombers you can have one.

Now back to my Gary for goal. Up the guts, Aaron… no, through the middle ones! Jarrod Harbrow, you show him how. Alright, I think we’re getting this.

Huh? Oh it’s you again. Red and black and wrinkly. Why the interruption this time? Yes, I know you have lots of fans here too, but what does that have to do with me? Wait, this isn’t your place is it? Metricon Stadium. What does that even mean? I would’ve picked a better name. Like…Solar Stadium. Solar Stadium; where the rays of the Suns’ future come to rise. You ready for the third quarter up there Richo? Righto, one more dance in the ‘rave’. Then let’s get on with it.

You know, Essendon, I didn’t mean anything by that wrinkly comment. It’s just; it’s hard not to notice you’ve been doing this a bit longer than me. No, I mean it sincerely; I think you’re better than me. No, no, please don’t go easy. In fact Don – you don’t mind if I call you Don? – whataya say we stir this soupy Metricon air up a bit?

Caddy, fires one into Bock…goal! Bock again. Goal! Russell, down the line. Goal!

I should tell you, I’m about to sub bounding Sam Day for booming Trent McKenzie. Why is that important? I’m glad you asked. Watch as he gathers from centre field, thumps it up forward and, Oi, that’s a free! An up-field free and Josh Fraser gets the shot on goal. Well, he missed, but did you see that McKenzie torp!

What did you say? What do you mean you weren’t ready? Come on Don. I’m supposed to be the one who has just come out of the womb. Come play. Okay, we can have a rest.

Wow, nice. You are faster than me Don. Two goals! Hang on, I don’t like this. I’m going to use my Hunt to get that one…Monfries…deck him! Well done. Now tackle, tackle…no. It’s alright: Paddy Rider won’t get it from there. You have the lead Don, but there’s no way your Paddy Rider can bend like that; from the boundary, 50 metres out. Unless. Unless he does that. Unless he steps around and launches BIG! Well, with kicks like that, you deserve the win. Oh and that. That one’s worth a mention: a Leroy Jetta you called it? Good name for a mid-air soccer for goal. Nope, not even my Gary Ablett heart can contend with that. Congratulations Don, this was fun.

What’s that? Oh no. Yeah, no… I know what I’m doing. Sure I’m new to this world but like I said, I’m getting the hang of this. I was just foxing before. Thought it might give me a leg-up. It worked a bit though, didn’t it?





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