Bring on the footy. PLEASE

by Tony Robb

Now that the summer sports caravans have packed up and moved north I felt it was time to reflect on a few of the not so published happenings of recent months. While CA and FA have been suitably chastened for their collective ineptitude I believe that a few other individuals and teams deserving of comment before the main game returns to town this weekend.

Firstly, I must mention that as resident of the sporting void which is Canberra (Kevin Sheedy keeps coming here to flog the Giants but that doesn’t count as a sporting contribution or event of significance) my observations are based mostly on the listening to Prime Time Sport 927 (PTS)in Melbourne via the local TAB radio channel. This is the only innovation that ACTTAB has initiated since it’s inception but I won’t start on that case of apples with wormholes. Not yet. However, should any representative from the ACTTAB may be darkening the doorstep of this website could you please re-instate the proper introduction to Serge’s Morning Dump. My life achievements are few but being the naming source of that segment was something that swelled my pride, and wallet courtesy of the $1000 free bet that was the prize. Every time the gurgling introduction of a flushing dunny was played on Wednesday morning my children would yell with excitement, “Dad, your Morning Dump is on”. So please give a bloke his 5 seconds of fame once a week.

Back on track, I think there were many notable comments not least being from one of our own correspondents, Ken “The Master” Piesse, who reported after the 3rd day of the Brisbane Test that “this test would be in the top 5 of any tests I’ve seen. Where Ken? I love your work Ken but either you haven’t got a tele or you don’t get out much. The1st test was as dull a contest as there has ever been other than Siddle’s hat trick and the marathon which was the England innings.

927 always wheel out Craig Gabriel for the 1 month of Australian Tennis season is played. I’m not sure what Craig’s function in life is other than speak with some bizarre Euro/Oxford St (Sydney not London) accent. But Craig could drop names for the World Team. You know the type. “I was talking with Raffa and Rog in Paris” followed by “Venus promised we would catch up before Monte Carlo”. Shit his bloke is a bore.

Thorpey’s come back conference must go down as the greatest FIGAM exercises of all time. Again, I love your work Ian but to start the press conference with a line about not being scripted and then to follow it up with 20 minutes of the most scripted load of blowing wind up one’s own bum monologue in the history of Australian sport (including lame jokes that went down like a fart in church) showed that this man has no boundaries for the ego which is Ian Thorpe. And had he spend the preceding week looking up at a solarium rather than having his face looking at the bottom of a pool? There is certainly a touch of the Mr G’s about young Ian

Which of course he is not as once you have your 21st birthday apparently you become a veteran. Well at least it sounds that way based on the endless phone hook ups over the past 6 weeks so see how the respective AFL teams are preparing for the upcoming season. Last week, Jake King from Richmond was spruiking the Tiges chances this year I swear he mentioned the “young boys” and “new kids” 100 times. Now Jake has been around about for a bit but he sounded as though he had attended a course conducted by some crusty 78 year old boot studder. I’ve never heard so many clichéd lines coming from a bloke who has barely starting shaving himself. Every other interview with every club representative has been the same. Ahh to be a wise sage of life and football at 22 years of age.

There was a funny tour series of Rugby Union games over the summer. Channel 7 employs Gordon Bray to call such games. Despite his impeccable ABC upbringing, having the ability to pronounce foreign player’s name does not make one a “doyen”. Should Gordon need clarification of this he should endeavor to get a tape of a call from NZ. Gordon may then come to understand the importance of understanding the basics of the modern game and impart some of the that knowledge to the viewing audience. Sorry Mr Bray. It simply isn’t enough to pronounce Pumas as Poomas. It simply makes you sound like a bit of a dick.

Phil Liggett must have a giggle every time he is asked to call the Tour Down Under. Now Phil is a doyen but having this junket must even surprise him. The Tour de Barosa is a nice bike ride around the wineries but even the presence of the great Lance Armstrong can’t inspire Phil like a sprint through the Pyrenees does. So I can only guess that Phil has a deal provides him with a case of 1998 Grange each night can be his only reason for attending this event.

I don’t want start on the Channel 9 commentary team but is Ian Healy the most annoying cricket commentator in the media? Well there is Peter Robuck but really. I know Kerry gave most of these nobs a job for life but even murderers get out after 20 years.

Bring on the footy. Even if I means bringing Kevin Sheedy with it.

About Tony Robb

A life long Blues supporter of 49 years who has seen some light at the end of the tunnel that isn't Mick Malthouse driving a train.


  1. Magnificent Tony.

    I wasn’t impressed with the Thorpedo either. Didn’t see his press conference, but fair dinkum, he’s carrying more condition than I was after Christmas dinner. He won’t swim in London.

  2. Healy, Sheedy, Thorpe…now there’s a trifecta!

  3. Phil Dimitriadis says

    Nice work Tony,

    that Craig Gabriel is certainly annoying and seems to have been around for years along with Frank Vardanega. I’m sure they used to do the tennis reports for the old 3KZ.

    Roll on footy season indeed!

  4. Richard Jones says

    SO you don’t like Roebie on air, eh Tony?

    What about his syndicated newspaper columns in the Big Paper and Sydn. Morning Herald ??

    I work on local central Vic. radio every Wednesday for 30-35 mins. or so. The presenter is a blind man — Geoffrey Morris, many Victorians will know him or of him —- and he swears Roebie is the best dissector of all things crik. going around.

    So much so that I e-mail him the P. Roebuck columns each time they appear. He has an audio link to his computer and listens to a myriad of written material, instantly converted to sound.

  5. Richard,
    I do like much or Roebuck’s writing. I just find him hard on the ear during the testr coverage on the ABC

  6. Dips. Thorpie’s conference was more staged than a West End musical. He may well swim the relays but your observation re his his present fitness level suggest that the relay may be the across the pool kind that we used to have the shit swimmers do at my school carnival

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