Bounce of the ball. Straight up as a die. It’s a skill under-appreciated. It’s a wonder we don’t sigh

 

March out on ground. Keep in formation. Left foot, right foot. Purposeful strides.

Field umps up front. Boundarys in centre. Goal umps to the rear. Chelsea’s resplendent. 

Bounce of the ball. Straight up as a die. It’s a skill under-appreciated. It’s a wonder we don’t sigh.

Ruckmen both leap. Hand over shoulder. Split pea in whistle.  “Collingwood’s free.”

“Touched off the mark. Play on, play on. Clear it out Libba. Collingwood’s free.”

“Not Fifteen Ted … play on, play on … you threw it out Dougie. Stan Magro’s free.”

“Play on, play on. Clear it out Bucks. You’re over it Bucks. No prior chance, mine.”

Bounce of the ball. Straight up as a die. It’s a skill under-appreciated. It’s a wonder we don’t sigh.

“Over the shoulder … Collingwood’s free!”

“In the back … Collingwood’s free!”

“I’m a mongrel what? FIFTY!!!!!!”

Measure out fifty. Take backward strides. Keep spring in heels. Look every inch the part.

“There’s the mark. Yes, that’s the mark. Don’t go over the mark. Stay on the mark.”

Is he over the mark? Damn where was the mark? Did I mark the mark? Bugger I’ve mucked up the mark.

Hmm, was that a goal? Did it go over the post? Should I call a referral? Should I leave it to Chelsea?

Cup hand around mouth. Arch forward decisively. Posterior out. “All clear, Chelsea”

Back to the center. Take backward strides. Keep spring in heels. Look every inch the part

Bounce of the ball. Straight up as a die. It’s a skill under-appreciated. It’s a wonder we don’t sigh.

“Eyes not on it. Collingwood’s free.”

“That’s my call, Wil. Don’t care what you think, Wil. Your eyes weren’t on it, Wil. Get back on the mark.”

“Too high – Collingwood’s free.”

“Too long – Collingwood’s free.”

“I’m on the what?’ FIFTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Measure out fifty. Take backward strides.  I’m not on the take. I’ll deny it till I die.

“There’s the mark. Yes, that’s the mark. Don’t go over the mark. Stay on the mark.”

Is he over the mark? Bugger I’ve stuffed another mark. Do you do time for bribes? Can I handles 10 to 20?

Hmm, was that a goal? Did it go over the post? Should I call a referral? Ah bugger, I’ll leave it to Chelsea.

Cup hand around mouth. Arch forward decisively. Posterior out. “Yours trailblazing Chelsea.”

Back to the centre. Take backward strides. Gotta not be exposed. Wonder what solitary’s like?

Bounce of the ball. Straight up as a die. It’s a skill under-appreciated. It’s a wonder we don’t sigh.

“Crossed before bounce. Boundary’s call. There’s your mark. Collingwood’s free.”

“Too far – Collingwood’s free.”

“Too high – Collingwood’s free.”

“Too much force. Chris Grant you’re reported.”

“You’re in my book, Chris. It’ll cost you a Brownlow, Chris. You’re as dirty as they come, Chris. There’s your mark.”

Is he over the mark? Bugger I’ve mucked another mark. Did I really just book Chris? My God, what was I thinking?

“Touched off the mark. Play on, play on. Clear it out Libba. Collingwood’s free.”

“Not Fifteen Ted … play on, play on … you threw it out Dougie. Stan Magro’s free.”

“Play on, play on. Clear it out Bucks. You’re over it Bucks. No prior chance, mine.”

Bounce of the ball. Straight up as a die. It’s a skill under-appreciated. Pff, like to see Ablett try?

Comments

  1. matt watson says

    Mongrel Dog,
    You’re right about the skill involved in bouncing the ball.
    I umpired for years. I could bounce.
    Remember Derek Humphrey-Smith?
    He quit umpiring because he couldn’t bounce very well.
    There is an art to it.
    Some people are born with it, others are not…

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