What’s best served cold?

Warning: The following contains Collingwood stereotypes of the cheap low-hanging fruit variety and may offend/delight some readers. When flying to Europe on our honeymoon last year, the good wife decreed we organise a two day stopover in Dubai. The shimmering, glittering, juxtaposed jewel of the Middle East. The Vegas of Arabia. The route would require [Read more]

That Blasted Holy Grail still in sight

When Mark Seymour scripted Holy Grail back in 1992 – just as the Cats lost the second of their four grand finals in that era (ooh, early knife there), I doubt whether he and his merry minstrels envisaged their royalty cheques skewing significantly every September over a decade later. Thanks to Channel Ten’s incessant dead-horse [Read more]

Crows needed Cuba for extra bite

Cuba runs the gamut of emotions at Trevor Barker Oval. How’s that old showbiz chestnut go? …“never work with children or animals?” Trevor Barker Beach Road Oval on Saturday proved an unlikely venue for such a cliche’. Yes indeed, standby for another patented VFL introduction “tangent” …the first leg of another footballing daily double – two matches in [Read more]

Camels on the beach, at sunset, in Broome.

Tis’ an iconic Australian visual image that has me proclaiming every off-season: “yep, Subi trip this year, via the Cape, make a week of it”.  It never eventuates.  And yes I’m pretty sure Broome is not located on or ever referred to as “the Cape”, but still, it sounds an attractive description for such an [Read more]

AFL Round 7 – St Kilda v Carlton: The streak is over

by David Downer In the many contests (er, agon?) of both sport and life, the victor of particular match-ups can be assured well before the event. Harlem Globetrotters v Washington Generals.  Federer v Hewitt.  Marciano v everyone.  Roadrunner v Wile E Coyote.   Angelina v Jennifer.  Scissors v Paper.  Paper v Rock.  Rock v Scissors.  And [Read more]

AFL Round 6 – Footscray v St Kilda: A crime that paid in the end

by David Downer Wanted – for crimes against football (apparently).  Middle-aged white Caucasian male, featuring a distinguished elegant stride. Frequently used terms include “pleasing” and “structure”.  Last seen being chased from Etihad Stadium by an angry mob of talkback callers.  Goes by the name of Ross.  Do not approach this man, he is armed with [Read more]

Cuba provides early omen for the Saints’ night.

By  David Downer Ancient Chinese military general Sun Tzu once remarked: “choose your battles wisely”. Indeed mate. When supporters size up the fixture release in October, there is a general pecking order of matches to consider as “interstate dirty weekend away” material. Who is most worthy of your hard-earned $39 discounted Tiger/Virgin/Jetstar fare? Not high [Read more]

An Irishman, a Sudanese and an Aussie walk into a bar

by Downer An Irishman, a Sudanese and an Aussie walk into a bar and …gee I’d like to finish that, but for today I can’t – thanks to the continuing football “experiment” (I hope) that is the Sunday twilight match. My lack of opening punchline sets the backdrop to the St.Kilda 2pm “curtain raiser” where the day began  …albeit taking place not [Read more]

A vitriolic outburst at Collingwood is a thing of beauty

by David Downer From an early age we are indoctrinated to despise the evil that is Collingwood.   Let’s face it, stereotypes are a staple and lifeblood of footy. The reasons are obvious.  The supporters.  The players.  Coaches and administration.   Victoria Park.  The inflated delusion of self-worth,  the collective club ego. “That side of town”, the [Read more]