Australia, it’s not a Lie if You Believe it

 

 

 

Is Scott Morrison actually George Costanza? Jerry Seinfeld’s narcissistic, shameless friend has a lot in common with our former PM when it comes to a complete lack of humility and the inalienable capacity to simply move on to the next poor decision.

 

Georges’ character, played brilliantly by Jason Alexander is the stuff of legend now alongside David Brent and Basil Fawlty and was based on and written unsurprisingly by Larry David.

 

It was during a walk with my partner Lynda that we were laughing at some classic George moments when it struck me at just how similar he was to Morrison, but without the irony of course.

 

I found a website and wondered if some of these quotes could hypothetically correspond to our gracious former leader and now minister for everything.

 

George – ‘My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat… It’s all been wrong.’

 (Scott upon losing his job as CEO of Tourism Australia)

 

George – ‘I don’t think I’ve ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.’

(Scott considering his attendance at the G20 summit and meeting President Macron)

 

George – ‘What am I scared of? I’m scared of the same thing that you are, everything.’

(Scott preparing for his attendance at COP26 in Glasgow)

 

George – ‘This woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her.’

(Scott’s thoughts on Tanya Plibersek)

 

George – ‘I feel like my old self again. Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic. It’s a pleasure.’

(Scott upon returning from COP26)

 

George – ‘I’m much more comfortable criticising people behind their backs.’

(Scott when asked about his loyalty to Malcolm Turnbull)

 

George – ‘My dream is to become hopeless.’

(Scott talking to the bathroom mirror)

 

George – ‘I know you’re there, laughing at me. Laughing and lying and laughing!’

(Scott on the phone to Peter Dutton and Josh Frydenberg from COP26 in Glasgow)

 

George – ‘I can’t stand kids. Adults think it’s so wonderful how honest kids are. I don’t need that kind of honesty. I’ll take a deceptive adult over an honest kid any day.’

(Scott talking to his aide at a visit to a childcare centre in Melbourne)

 

George – ‘Don’t insult me, my friend. Remember who you’re talking to. No one’s a bigger idiot than me.’

(Scott taking advice from Peter Dutton)

 

George – ‘Divorce is very difficult. Especially on a kid. Of course, I’m the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know.’

(Scott presenting to a family planning seminar)

 

George – ‘All right. I guess I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and throw myself right back down again!’

(Scott responding to his handling of the 2020 bushfires)

 

George – ‘I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to fail.’

(Scott’s inaugural speech to Caucus)

 

George – ‘I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham.’

(Scott whispering to his aide after President Macron’s allegation is televised live)

 

George – ‘It’s like a magic trick. Sometimes I think it would be easier to bend a spoon mentally than to make that transformation.’

(Scott’s thoughts on electric vehicles in 2019)

 

George – ‘Because I snubbed her. Do you see? Women, they like that! Yes! I understand women. The snub is good, they love the snub.’

(Scott’s response to Brittany Higgin’s supporters outside Parliament House)

 

George – ‘You should’ve seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.’

(Scott speaking to his aide about Jenny’s response to him becoming PM)

 

George – ‘I can’t die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn’t die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity?’

(Scott’s final address to the Hillsong Church)

 

George – ‘You know, women always remember the first time. I don’t want to be remembered. I wanna be forgotten.’

(Scott’s post-election speech 2022)

 

You can read more from Ian Wilson Here.