An Alternative Mid-Season Draft

By Jason Feldman

Continuing the AFL’s bold recruitment of Issy Falou and Karmichael Hunt the existing 16 clubs staged a cross-code draft at Etihad Stadium today. The results are suprising..

Richmond – Sharelle McMahon, will provide assistance up forward to Jack Reiwoldt. Besides she’s harder at the ball than Jordan McMahon who will be traded to the Vixens

North – In an ambitious move to increase membership the Kangaroos turn to India and sign Yuvraj Singh. Tall powerful and can score quickly.

Bulldogs – To continue their trend of drafting aging controversial stars the Dogs give a lifeline to Paul Gascoigne

Hawthorn – Need a ruckman – Look no further than Yao Ming

Crows – To sure up their support amongst German fans in Hahndorf the Crows draft Jurgen Klinsmann – (may fall foul of the AFL anti-diving laws)

Lions – Vossy needs a Queenslander to trump the GC’s recruitment of Karmichael Hunt and offers a contract to Matty Hayden

Swans – Broaden support in the Eastern Suburbs by selecting Gay Rugby League player Ian Roberts

Carlton – Former slalom skiing legend Alberto Tomba signs up for the Blues as a replacement for fellow Italian philanderer Brendan Fevola

Saints – Need a replacement for Nick Reiwoldt, make the shock call to draft Ivan Drago who looks a hell of a lot like him

Collingwood – Only the biggest name for Eddie – Welcome to the Magpies Tiger Woods

Essendon – Need some speed in the middle and draft Apache Cat. Coach Knights says “he hasn’t played a lot of footy but he was exceptional in his speed tests at the draft”

Port – Port honour the club’s working class traditions and pick Jimmy Barnes. Footy manager Peter Rhode commented that “He can’t play footy but geez the bastard can sing”

Dockers – The Dockers love recycling Essendon discards and give former US Footballer Dwayne Armstrong a second crack at AFL glory

Eagles – The Eagles are struggling and need a saviour – Who better than Socceroo Josh Kennedy (the club has acknowledged this will confuse statisticians through the country)

Cats – Inspired by the success of James Podsiadly the Cats offer former VFA Superstar Fred Cook a 2nd crack at the big time. The 62 Year Old has expressed concerns at the AFL’s strict drug testing policy.

Demons – Melbourne’s youth policy continues with the selection of 8 Year Old Jaden Agassi. The son of Tennis legend Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf will start pre-season in 2020.


  1. Dave Nadel says

    Very funny Jason. Particularly the comments relating to Carlton and Essendon.

  2. Top work Jason.

    The Sharelle-Jordyn trade doesn’t seem out of the question.

    If Eddie only goes for the biggest name, shouldn’t he pick ex-Sri Lankan cricketer Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas?

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