Almanac Sausage Roll Review: Ocean Street Bakehouse, Victor Harbor
I’m here for a sausage roll but my problems are immediate for the menu board has two categories: plain or cheese and bacon.
This strikes me as a curious and oddly compelling way of organising us sausage roll-eaters. Those who know me well won’t be surprised to read that I’m in the plain camp (now, don’t say anything nasty).
Further menu scanning reveals differentiation between pies and steak pies. Does this infer that steak pies are somehow inferior? I’ve no appetite for apartheid.
And quiche. Let’s not start on quiche for quiche, dear reader, has its own category. It was always an attention-seeking food.
Purchase in hand, I claim a footpath (not pavement or sidewalk) table. There are signs taped everywhere begging me to not feed the birds. Baked goods, I learn from these instructive texts, are not naturally in the diet of birds.
So, if a magpie eats a pie, does it make him (or her) a cannibal?
Next door to the OSB (as I’m hereafter calling the Ocean Street Bakehouse) is a Subway. Suddenly, I feel as though I’m surrounded by conflict and longitudinal tension. I’m in a lunchtime warzone and can imagine an 80’s music video featuring a (soft-focus) dance off between the bakers and the sandwich artists.
With a seagull now menacing, I open the bag and there’s my sausage roll. It’s big and hot. Easing it out, I take a bite.
I’m disappointed to note that the record store across the road has newspaper all over its windows. Victor Beats had vast stocks of vinyl and a good array of guitars too. But it appears done. My bleak ponderings continue. Will physical shops even exist in a decade?
I look up and see the Thirsty Camel has a series of advertisements draped on the pub façade. These uniformly claim various, ‘Unseriously good deals’ for assorted drinks. Between sausage roll bites I try to fathom how ‘unseriously’ works in this slogan. I can’t grasp it and doubt that anyone on Gruen or within the grog or marketing industries could either. What does it mean?
My sausage roll is satisfactory but little beyond this. The pasty’s too flaky and I wear much of it on my freshly laundered shorts. The roll’s innards need some zing courtesy of a spicy additive like a waft or two of pepper. No, it shouldn’t hide (shamefully) behind some bacon and cheese.
Near my table stands a bicycle which could belong to one of the Famous Five. You know, the Enid Blyton books. Probably, only George, Julian, Dick, or Anne might own the bicycle, and not Timmy, for as clever as he is, he’s a dog. In self-pleased and conspiratorial tones, I think Julian would’ve said this about my sausage roll:
I won’t say it’s beastly, but Aunt Fanny makes sausage rolls that are far more splendid. Hers are tasty and it’s no wonder Uncle Quentin can’t keep his professorial hands off them. Don’t you think, Dick?
And then they’d all row over to Kirrin Island and apprehend some rough-voiced smugglers.
The noon breeze urges the Norfolk Pines into waving about on the esplanade. A Putin lookalike exits the bakery.
Nanna and poppa are on a bench with a grand kiddy.
Ocean Street is a one-way street and despite their problematic nature, I quite like the unique charms of a uni-directional thoroughfare. This is good because we live on such a street.
I drive off to Port Elliot with crumbs of contemplation clinging to my shorts. I’ve stuff to write.
More from Mickey can be read Here.
To return to the www.footyalmanac.com.au home page click HERE
Our writers are independent contributors. The opinions expressed in their articles are their own. They are not the views, nor do they reflect the views, of Malarkey Publications.
Do you enjoy the Almanac concept?
And want to ensure it continues in its current form, and better? To help keep things ticking over please consider making your own contribution.
Become an Almanac (annual) member – CLICK HERE
About Mickey Randall
Now whip it into shape/ Shape it up, get straight/ Go forward, move ahead/ Try to detect it, it's not too late/ To whip it, whip it good
- More Posts
Coincidentally, the Great Aussie Pie Competition has just been completed and (I kid you not), the award for Plain Sausage Roll went to Orange Spot Bakery in Glenelg SA.
There’s lunchtime sorted Mickey.
Thanks Swish.
The OSB is where, I believe, a young Kelli Underwood worked. Rather than being impressed by a bakery with gold-tinged awards festooned across the walls, I’m more alarmed if I walk in and there are no plaques of commendation to be seen. Run for your life!
Big game again Sunday.
It’s a scam – gold, silver and bronze are tiers rather than individual awards per category. Every entrant gets a gong, it’s just the hue that is at issue. This would account for the proliferation of bakerial certifications across the nation. I’m shocked and appalled. I don’t know who to trust any more.
https://greataussiepiecomp.com.au/results/
Yes, big big game on Sunday
Swish – I think it was Orwell who once wrote in a lesser work, ‘If national bakery awards are cooked, then it’s time to unplug the ovens.’
However, still good to see The Little Red Grape at Sevenhill pick up a couple gongs!
Superb Mickey love the famous five reference- Brilliant!
My favourite book by Enid Blyton is The Famous Five Sell Raffle Tickets at Adelaide Oval.
Hawks by 20 points.
Well done Mickey.
Vinyl in the shop just across the road.
Dogs vs Tigers. Who will be on the menu?
Thanks Rulebook and Peter.
PC- there’s a shop on The Strand that has a great secondhand book selection and a decent record section too.
Tigers by 20 points.
Superb Blyton reference.
Jolly well played, old chap!
Smokie- Thanks for this.
Of course, Blyton doesn’t stack up today, but I devoured her books as a kid, and they were probably instrumental in feeding my curiosity about England. And bags of lettuce and ripe, fresh tomatoes and lashings of ginger beer. No bad thing!
Nice work Mickey.
Am reading this at Victoria station in London on the way to Birmingham on a crisp blue skied autumn morning.
There’s a great second hand book store at Port Elliot with a cracking cricket catalogue.
As a graduate of the Port Elliot Beach Cricket Academy I have purchased a number of cricket books from the bookshop on the Strand over the years. Comprehensive, somewhat quirky range although no Cardus last time I visited.
Thanks Barry and Peter. It’s a great shop and I did note among the record section a Donna Summer album with the sixteen-minute version of ‘Love To Love You Baby.’ It suggests a number of quite personal and interpersonal narratives!
Look forward to hearing about your trip Barry.
Victor Beats has closed. I met the owner but never went in cos Wally was with me. Dogs and guitars shops don’t always mix well.
Let me know when you’re down here next, we’ll have an Almanacker meeting.
Thanks Earl. Done! If I had a spare $2m I’d buy a place on the beach in Port Elliot. Next life.
Reckon you’d get more bang for your buck in Middleton, Mickey. Just had a 5 day weekend there, visited all shops in PE, also Victor and Goolwa. Middleton Tavern is excellent, PE bit trendy I reckon, although still long queues at The Bakery, VH too big and Goolwa off the boil at present. Live in Middo, ride ya bike to the second hand shops in PE would be my go.
Thanks Bucko.
Either way, it’s terrific down there although the Middleton Tavern’s a bit of a soulless beer barn for mine. Don’t get in there but last I knew the Hotel Elliot was owned by Shaun Tait. If the service was as brisk as his action it’d be good but like his bowling, you might order a steak and get a vegetarian pie! Saw lots of cyclists during my break but I’d be careful on the Victor Road.
Agreed, but there’s a bike/walk track along the top of the “cliffs”, so you would be safe from the schoolies…