Almanac Poetry: 2021 AFL Grand Final Haiku Kukai – Leaning towards the Landlords
The 2021 AFL Grand Final Haiku Kukai – the 10th annual haiku call of the game – was just about the only thing this year that has not been cancelled, postponed, relocated or quarantined. Once again, haiku poets and non-haiku poets alike gathered in a dark, dingy corner of social media to write haiku in real-time while watching the game from their respective coffee and whisky-stained isolation hubs.
For the second year running, the game was held in a foreign land. And in their viciously warped wisdom, the AFL rubbed a proverbial salt lake into gaping Melbournian lockdown wounds by adding an extra week AND a different time zone to the hiatus. By the time the game started, weary poets were scouring their bedroom floors for a sharp pencil and a clean-ish pair of tracky dacks. As we have learned from the past 10 years, however, it takes more than a pandemic (and bushfires…and earthquakes…) to throw a haiku poet off their game. This year produced a record number of poems, in excess of 500 during the game itself. Honestly though, I lost count. The haiku were coming faster than the Dees were kicking goals from the centre bounce.
As in every year we have held this event, we had contributions from all over the place – India, UK, Ghana, Nigeria, New Zealand, USA, Trinidad, Romania and Germany, to name a few, along with a few forays from interstate and regional Australia, including a couple of local Sandgropers. The Grand Final Haiku Kukai continues to attract vagabonds from far and wide.
In the long build up to first bounce, Melbourne poets prepared themselves for battle with doleful musings about the long wait and the jarring reality of another empty MCG on grand final day. Melbourne supporters, in particular, were counting down the clock for another attempt to reach the Holy Grail they had so craved for 57 years.
Ghost games at the G
and silence in the city
once called marvellous
Hamish Danks Brown
It’s early afternoon
granny’s on today
actually tonight
Rick Kane
flag sways from
opened car window
cold morning
Mick Mezza
Meanwhile in Melbourne…
a few too many cars are
parked at neighbour’s place
Danielle Blythe
grand final day –
a Demons banner hangs
from a crooked fence
Rob Scott
first star
still we keep on
waiting
Bee Jay
Grand Final BBQ
the bitter taste
of lockdown sausages
Jen Worthington
Landlords vs Tenants
Leaning towards the Landlords
Who even am I anymore?
Sean M Whelan
lockdown…
before the showdown
a single malt scotch
Samantha Sirimanne Hyde
But once ‘Baker Boy’ – ablaze in a gleaming, silky tracksuit (in a clear nod to Melbourne viewers) – belted out a couple of numbers under the fluorescent Perth sun, the wait was finally over. From then on, haiku poets rushed to get their hands on the ball as if their lives depended on it. In a glorious mix of styles, poets provided more angles on the game than the TV cameras. It was an absolute vibe. So, sit back and enjoy the highlights. We’ll be back next year, come rain, hail or whatever the hell happens next.
Haiku Bob (aka Rob Scott).
the siren
the bounce
game on
Craig Lincoln
first quarter-
give a dog
a ball
Jade Pisani
Demonic possession
Dogs in limbo
Fetch the ball
CL Poetry
first score
a sausage roll stuffed
under a mask
Ron C. Moss
Christian goes bang says
Romans and BT yell
centuries apart
James WF Roberts
Trying not to hear
all the X-rated phrases
Need to soap my brain
Ivana Dash
first quarter surge
at the break Melbourne’s toilets
flush in unison
Kim Jeffs
comeback
stars shine through
the magnolia tree
Myron Lysenko
doggies hit the front
their dream might not be over
cat goes for a snack
Derek Begg
even scores
sun sets
spring equinox
Karin Bouvin
night game
yellow sherrin
rising
Tash Adams
Dogs lead at half time
The barracking has been loud
Cat still stares at me
Michael Reynolds
half-
time
enter
tain
me
n(o)t
Rob Scott
Bulldogs, not doing well
tonight on the field
and in the hair department
Georgia Kennedy
The roar in the west
Ripples through the east
a game so grand
Ian Gostelow
footie scores
as changeable as weather
. . . on shared green grass
Beverley George
cloud cover …
dogs barking
at the three-quarter moon
Jayashree Maniyil
it starts to rain
in the mountains
goals galore
Myron Lysenko
Final quarter
Demons making the game
a dog’s breakfast
Jen Worthington
With a six-goal lead
the Demons have the Bulldogs
tails between legs
Hamish Danks Brown
Petracca heat map
smacks of that Hank Snow ditty
“I’ve been everywhere”
Amanda Collins
Score after score
Am I watching
highlights?
Naomi Tooby
Fortunate players
not forced to sit through
the commentary
Smokie Dawson
gone to the dogs
the demons
turn on the heat
Brendon Kent
dees run away
in the final quarter
a train passes
Myron Lysenko
game’s final moments
my dog farts
fitting epitaph
Kim Jeffs
rising
from the dead—
demons
Madhuri Pillai
green stains
on gracious losers’ white shorts
well done mates
Anna Fern
Fifty seven years!!!
Bitter sweet Grand Final cup.
Returns to lockdown!
Heather Forbes McKeon
spring moon
the bald captain
raises the cup
Rob Scott
moonlit bed …
all that is left
of a dog’s dream
Jayashree Maniyil
The Tigers (Covid) Almanac 2020 will be published in 2021 – as will the 2021 edition to celebrate the Dees’ magnificent premiership season.
It will have all the usual features – a game by game account of the Demons season – and will also include some of the best Almanac writing from the Covid winter.
Pre-order HERE
More poetry from Almanac Poetry can be read HERE
If you would like to receive the Almanac Music and Poetry newsletter we will add you to the list. Please email us: [email protected]
To return to the www.footyalmanac.com.au home page click HERE
Our writers are independent contributors. The opinions expressed in their articles are their own. They are not the views, nor do they reflect the views, of Malarkey Publications.
Do you enjoy the Almanac concept?
And want to ensure it continues in its current form, and better? To help keep things ticking over please consider making your own contribution.
Become an Almanac (annual) member – CLICK HERE
One-off financial contribution – CLICK HERE
Regular financial contribution (monthly EFT) – CLICK HERE
About rob scott
Rob Scott (aka Haiku Bob) is a peripatetic haiku poet who calls Victoria Park home. He writes haiku in between teaching whisky and drinking English, or something like that.
HB,
This certainly added another enjoyable dimension to grand final day,
especially for those of us locked down.
Thanks.
Agree , it was fun seeing them pop up. Well done on organising it!
Just managed to catch up on this. There are some pearlers there. Put them all together in one long story and you have got me reminiscing on what I was watching and thinking on the night. “Score after score. Am I watching highlights?”.