Almanac Poetry: 2021 AFL Grand Final Haiku Kukai – Leaning towards the Landlords

The 2021 AFL Grand Final Haiku Kukai – the 10th annual haiku call of the game – was just about the only thing this year that has not been cancelled, postponed, relocated or quarantined. Once again, haiku poets and non-haiku poets alike gathered in a dark, dingy corner of social media to write haiku in real-time while watching the game from their respective coffee and whisky-stained isolation hubs.

 

For the second year running, the game was held in a foreign land. And in their viciously warped wisdom, the AFL rubbed a proverbial salt lake into gaping Melbournian lockdown wounds by adding an extra week AND a different time zone to the hiatus. By the time the game started, weary poets were scouring their bedroom floors for a sharp pencil and a clean-ish pair of tracky dacks. As we have learned from the past 10 years, however, it takes more than a pandemic (and bushfires…and earthquakes…) to throw a haiku poet off their game. This year produced a record number of poems, in excess of 500 during the game itself. Honestly though, I lost count. The haiku were coming faster than the Dees were kicking goals from the centre bounce.

 

As in every year we have held this event, we had contributions from all over the place – India, UK, Ghana, Nigeria, New Zealand, USA, Trinidad, Romania and Germany, to name a few, along with a few forays from interstate and regional Australia, including a couple of local Sandgropers. The Grand Final Haiku Kukai continues to attract vagabonds from far and wide.

 

In the long build up to first bounce, Melbourne poets prepared themselves for battle with doleful musings about the long wait and the jarring reality of another empty MCG on grand final day. Melbourne supporters, in particular, were counting down the clock for another attempt to reach the Holy Grail they had so craved for 57 years.

 

Ghost games at the G
and silence in the city
once called marvellous

 

Hamish Danks Brown

 

 

It’s early afternoon
granny’s on today
actually tonight

 

Rick Kane

 

 

flag sways from
opened car window
cold morning

 

Mick Mezza

 

 

Meanwhile in Melbourne…
a few too many cars are
parked at neighbour’s place

 

Danielle Blythe

 

 

grand final day –
a Demons banner hangs
from a crooked fence

 

Rob Scott

 

 

first star
still we keep on
waiting

 

Bee Jay

 

 

Grand Final BBQ
the bitter taste
of lockdown sausages

 

Jen Worthington

 

 

Landlords vs Tenants
Leaning towards the Landlords
Who even am I anymore?

 

Sean M Whelan

 

 

lockdown…
before the showdown
a single malt scotch

 

Samantha Sirimanne Hyde

 

But once ‘Baker Boy’ – ablaze in a gleaming, silky tracksuit (in a clear nod to Melbourne viewers) – belted out a couple of numbers under the fluorescent Perth sun, the wait was finally over. From then on, haiku poets rushed to get their hands on the ball as if their lives depended on it. In a glorious mix of styles, poets provided more angles on the game than the TV cameras. It was an absolute vibe. So, sit back and enjoy the highlights. We’ll be back next year, come rain, hail or whatever the hell happens next.

 

Haiku Bob (aka Rob Scott).

 

 

the siren
the bounce
game on

 

Craig Lincoln

 

 

first quarter-
give a dog
a ball

 

Jade Pisani

 

 

Demonic possession
Dogs in limbo
Fetch the ball

 

CL Poetry

 

 

first score
a sausage roll stuffed
under a mask

 

Ron C. Moss

 

 

Christian goes bang says
Romans and BT yell
centuries apart

 

James WF Roberts

 

 

Trying not to hear
all the X-rated phrases
Need to soap my brain

 

Ivana Dash

 

 

first quarter surge
at the break Melbourne’s toilets
flush in unison

 

Kim Jeffs

 

 

comeback
stars shine through
the magnolia tree

 

Myron Lysenko

 

 

doggies hit the front
their dream might not be over
cat goes for a snack

 

Derek Begg

 

 

even scores
sun sets
spring equinox

 

Karin Bouvin

 

 

night game
yellow sherrin
rising

 

Tash Adams

 

 

Dogs lead at half time
The barracking has been loud
Cat still stares at me

 

Michael Reynolds

 

 

half-
time
enter
tain
me
n(o)t

 

Rob Scott

 

 

Bulldogs, not doing well
tonight on the field
and in the hair department

 

Georgia Kennedy

 

 

The roar in the west
Ripples through the east
a game so grand

 

Ian Gostelow

 

 

footie scores
as changeable as weather
. . . on shared green grass

 

Beverley George

 

 

cloud cover …
dogs barking
at the three-quarter moon

 

Jayashree Maniyil

 

 

it starts to rain
in the mountains
goals galore

 

Myron Lysenko

 

 

Final quarter
Demons making the game
a dog’s breakfast

 

Jen Worthington

 

 

With a six-goal lead
the Demons have the Bulldogs
tails between legs

 

Hamish Danks Brown

 

 

Petracca heat map
smacks of that Hank Snow ditty
“I’ve been everywhere”

 

Amanda Collins

 

 

Score after score
Am I watching
highlights?

 

Naomi Tooby

 

 

Fortunate players
not forced to sit through
the commentary

 

Smokie Dawson

 

 

gone to the dogs
the demons
turn on the heat

 

Brendon Kent

 

 

dees run away
in the final quarter
a train passes

 

Myron Lysenko

 

 

game’s final moments
my dog farts
fitting epitaph

 

Kim Jeffs

 

 

rising
from the dead—
demons

 

Madhuri Pillai

 

 

green stains
on gracious losers’ white shorts
well done mates

 

Anna Fern

 

 

Fifty seven years!!!
Bitter sweet Grand Final cup.
Returns to lockdown!

 

Heather Forbes McKeon

 

 

spring moon
the bald captain
raises the cup

 

Rob Scott

 

 

moonlit bed …
all that is left
of a dog’s dream

 

Jayashree Maniyil

 

 

The Tigers (Covid) Almanac 2020 will be published in 2021 – as will the 2021 edition to celebrate the Dees’ magnificent premiership season.
It will have all the usual features – a game by game account of the Demons season – and will also include some of the best Almanac writing from the Covid winter.
Pre-order  HERE

 

More poetry from Almanac Poetry can be read HERE

 

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