Almanac Life: The Muse is musing on The Digital Age

 

 

Nice day in our fair city. Had a couple of Abbotts Longnecks, rolled a Capstan ready rubbed and commenced to muse on the Digital Age which has made life so much easier for us all. Now it needs to be noted I commenced my education in 1959 at St Michael’s Wycheproof and in that year (in order of importance) Macdougal from New Zealand piloted by Pat Glennon from Adelaide won the Cup at 8/1, Robert Menzies was Prime Minister and Rod Laver was beaten in the Wimbledon final by Alex Olmedo.

 

I digress but my point is it was a long time ago and somehow we managed to be well-educated by the good Sisters of (No) Mercy at St Michael’s without any technical help. Until by about Grade 3 we were provided with technical assistance comprising:

 

 

One: a wooden 12 inch ruler which was mainly used to give you a crack over the knuckles if you messed up as it saved the good Sisters time in their pursuit of punishment in the name of the Lord.

 

Two: a protractor which was a plastic semi-circle thing to help you measure angles but was really good to trace moons and circles when you were bored.

 

Three: a compass which was a pointy thing to help in geometry but was especially good for scratching your initials into desks or if you were smart someone else’s initials.

 

Four: a pen with a nib and lots of blotting paper to clean up the mess.

 

Five: an ink well full of the cheapest ink money could buy. Ink wells were especially good for drowning stunned flies in and in fact I reckon Mallee flies added to the quality of the ink.

 

 

In those days if you had a concern with customer service you could walk into the local branch of The Lands Department or the SEC or the State Bank [any bank], wait your turn and state your issue. You were attended to and heard by a reasonably friendly person who took pride in their job. Whilst they were representing the company they worked for they were fair, prepared to listen and determined to find a solution. In short, they understood the customer was important and not always wrong.

 

If a company didn’t have a branch in your town, you rang a call centre and your call was answered promptly and pleasantly by Australians called Maureen or Beryl or Margaret who listened to and addressed your concerns because they took great pride in doing a good job.

 

Fast forward to the present and banks are closing branches quicker than they went in the Oakleigh Plate on Saturday. Maureen, Beryl and Margaret are replaced by Fernando in the Philippines or Prisha in India who read from a script, the difference being that they aren’t really into solving problems just completing calls, as they are rewarded on the basis of completed calls.

 

But wait, it gets even better there is a magical thing called an ‘APP’ which comes down from the cloud [I assume when it rains] and sits on your phone like a personal attendant just waiting to solve your problems and give you a ‘better customer experience’.

 

Seriously, digital technology delivering a better customer experience to my mind is the great lie of the 21^st century. Aside from training the youth of today to be totally devoid of the ability to communicate and state a case verbally, it is a corporate cop out for not taking personal responsibility for problems of their creation.

 

I could go on but this rant is on the back of my experience today on a couple of fronts.

 

I go down to buy a sandwich at the shop I buy my lunch from every day. Go to the counter and I am greeted by Barbara (who is a champion by the way) with ‘it might be a long wait I have five Uber Eats orders in front of you.’ Now as I am a man of infinite patience I said loudly, ‘Barb that’s fine I will take my business elsewhere.’ The owner asked why would I do that and I said because I come here every day and I think I should rank ahead of people you don’t know who seem to think it’s cool to order a hamburger on a magical app and get it delivered by a student driving an unroadworthy 1986 Camry. I was then attended to as a priority.

 

Now the Bulldogs have issued my 6sixtickets which cost me circa $8000 [player sponsorship etc]. Good scarf this year we now have 40 plus Bulldogs scarves but I digress. The fine print on the tickets indicates they don’t admit to games. Of course for a better customer experience every week after receiving your weekly ID code you download on the magical Bulldogs app your tickets to the upcoming game. You then go to Marvel Stadium and old mate on the gate fumbles with a scanner and takes a minute to scan your ticket if the often troubled technology at Marvel is having a good night. As I am a patient man I rang the Bulldogs and sat on hold for 20 minutes listening to ‘Sons of the West’ played over and over and I finally spoke to a young fellow Cash (seriously). Aside from resisting the temptation to ask Cash if his surname is Register I listened to Cash extoll the virtues of digital ticketing and how it will deliver me a better customer experience.  I advised Cash if the Bulldogs couldn’t find a non-digital solution for me I would be seeking a refund and he could stick his digits where they best fit. Now this set Cash back a bit and to his credit he said he would come back to me which he did about an hour later with the solution I can print off emailed tickets every week.

 

My point is digital is not necessarily a better customer experience, it’s imposed on the customer as take it or leave it reduces jobs in the corporate kingdom and ignores the basic premise of reasonable choice for customers.

 

Finally, if you want a really bad customer experience try to use a Government designed app. How good was Covid Safe, Scomo? If you want a laugh watch the ads for absolutely rubbish apps. Did you know there is an app whereby you attach a monitor to your dog’s collar and at the end of the day your app tells you what nutrition your dog requires to ensure he or she is healthy. You then press a button on the app and your dog’s requirements are prepared by failed contestants from ‘Master Chef 5’ in a 5-star restaurant and delivered by a student in a clapped-out 1992 Camry. All this for $14 a day plus food and delivery costs. How about you walk your dog properly, give it hard food and vegetables daily and a beef bone once a week for good teeth. No app required where common sense is prevalent.

 

In the interests of transparency I must state in a past life I acquired a modicum of money assisting companies with digital transformation inter alia.

 

Cheers. Gotta go, just checking my Sportsbet app for Saturday’s offerings from the accountants of the turf .

 

 

Regards,

 

Hayden Kelly

 

 

 

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