Almanac Golf: Alice’s Restaurant and the freakish 4-iron

I was wondering how I might get the word out about our wonderful new book The Doggies Almanac.

I thought about what they might do on Gruen.

I tried to be creative.

I went with this:


How to let the world know about The Doggies Almanac


Invite your three brothers from Brisbane, Adelaide and Hamilton to come to Melbourne. Take them to Kew Golf Club for a Sunday morning hit. Organize for the gentlest of breezes, mid-20s temperature, and the fairways in super nick. Perfect conditions for soft golfers (like me).

Get to 14th (our 5th) and with the tee slightly forward, select a 4-iron (1968 Slazenger Rob Gibson blades). Take dead aim and give it the Boonah-wazoo. Watch it hold it’s line about half a metre left of the pin, for the duration.

Listen as one brother says, “It’s right on it.”

And another one says, “Hope it’s the stick.”

Watch as it lands softly about 8 feet short. Watch as it rolls towards the hole, takes about 30cm of borrow, and drops.


Raise both arms in the air. While yahoo-ing and yeehah-ing.

High five all of your brothers while giggling.

Pick up the tee-stump grinning like a lunatic, and acknowledging the crazy-chance of hitting a ball 162 metres into a hole smaller than a Golden Circle baby beets can.

JTH Kew hole in one photo1


And that’s where the Doggies come in.

If you like the aesthetic beauty of a sweetly struck 4-iron and the sheer other worldliness of the hole-in-one, then you will appreciate to the core of your existence the story of the Doggies magnificent premiership victory as told by some of their dearest fans.



Buy THE DOGGIES ALMANAC 2016. It will be sent via Auspost immediately.

Read more about The Doggies Almanac.

Melbourne Launch of The Doggies Almanac


About John Harms

JTH is a writer, publisher, speaker, historian. He is publisher and contributing editor of The Footy Almanac and He has written columns and features for numerous publications. His books include Confessions of a Thirteenth Man, Memoirs of a Mug Punter, Loose Men Everywhere, Play On, The Pearl: Steve Renouf's Story and Life As I Know It (with Michelle Payne). He appears on ABCTV's Offsiders. He can be contacted [email protected] He is married to The Handicapper and has three kids - Theo13, Anna11, Evie10. He might not be the worst putter in the world but he's in the worst three. His ambition is to lunch for Australia.


  1. I’ll have what he’s having.
    Can you guarantee that buying a copy of the Doggies Almanac will take 2 shots off my handicap?
    P.S. – How good was 37yo Sam Brazel from Lismore winning his first big tournament in Hong Kong on the weekend, beating the World #8 and outplaying a Ryder Cup Spaniard head to head up the stretch? His swing, rhythm and nerve looked like he should be a top 50 player, not #473. Its never too late (there may be hope for me yet on the Senior Tour).

  2. Cat from the Country says

    I have my copy for my Doggies loving husband for Christmas

  3. Congrats Johnny

  4. Well done JTH. If you’re planning a hole-in-one (everyone who has swung a stick secretly has) I reckon it’s a Sunday morning with your brothers. Brilliant. This is why you should never play alone.

    I’m not sure about Australian policy but buying travel insurance in Asia often comes with financial protection if you snag an ace on holiday and have to shout the bar. Astonishing. You just need a letter from the club secretary! Beyond a first world problem!

    But well done.

  5. Well.
    JTH – again I’m reminded of a Cormac McCarthy line.
    Regarding your hole-in-one, regarding the Doggies’ 2016.

    “Your heart’s desire is to be told some mystery. The mystery is that there is no mystery.”
    -Blood Meridian, or the Evening Redness in the West
    Love it.

  6. Earl O'Neill says

    A few years back, Perky Girl bought me a hit at Moore Park golf club for my birthday. I went there w Sean, who connected most of the time. I connected once, by accident. Ridiculous game, frustrating beyond imagination.
    To hell w that, I got songs to learn.

  7. Peter B, if you’re attempting a life on the seniors’ tour my advice would be to open your stance a bit. I’ve given this advice before and it’s worked for that tour.

    JTH, you know I’m not a cruel man, but when I think of your Hole-In-One I think of that myriad of monkeys all hammering away at their Olivettis, slowly but surely working toward Hamlet. Which is not to say that the one who finally gets there isn’t deserving of a round of pots from his brothers. So congrats.

  8. The Black Prince says

    1968…Struth….they’re are a decade older than me!! Only thing better than actually hitting an ace…doing it in front of your brothers…GOLD :)
    From me and my 2015 Callaways, congratulations JTH.

  9. So what make and model car did you win?

    Well done. The closest I ever got to a hole in one, was a hole in two.

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