This season I’m creating my own personal Department of Football Fan Efficiency (DOFFE). The level of waste has gotten out of hand. Each week there are games on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Further into the season come the public holiday games as well.
I hanker for the days when all teams played at 2:10pm on a Saturday. All over in a single afternoon. Super efficient. And, in the end, a final four of serious contenders.
Nowadays we play for most days of the week of the week for 24 weeks and only whittle it down to a final 8. If things keep going like this we’ll end up with a final 17. Mark my words.
With the exception of languorous love making sessions on a sultry Tuesday afternoon, I really can’t abide things that take too long. I am stuck on efficiency.
I know, I know, I know. The tide will never turn. The league must continue to strive for more eyeballs for more of the time. Players need more money, administrators need more staff, and journalists need more incidents to blow out of proportion.
I openly admit that as a baby boomer born into Essendon I should check my privilege. I’ve had a marvelous time of it: four premierships, three Brownlows, and three times jumping the fence to celebrate our hundred goal kickers. There was also the privilege of Tim Watson’s Father of the Year award in 1993.
But time waits for no man and I really can’t justify devoting so many of my remaining hours to spectating. The game is asking too much.
And so here’s my plan. For the first 17 rounds I will devote zero time to spectating. At the commencement of Round 18 (Richmond v Essendon) I will spend half a day catching up on all that I have missed. I am shortening my season by two thirds. What a saving!
All that extra time to devote to golf, picnic racing, and languorous lovemaking. It’ll be tough, but it’s a sacrifice I’m prepared to make.
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I’m with you Pards. Already made major cuts. Picnic (all) racing went 15 years ago. Langurous lovemaking took (involuntary) redundancy more recently. Failed to rise to expectations.
Things I’m looking forward to in 2025:
1. Two months in New Zealand later in the year (including a week of golf at Cape Kidnappers and Hawkes Bay courses).
2. Golf – particularly Senior Pennants at Royal Fremantle, Royal Perth and Meadow Springs this year.
3. Swan Districts season and going deeper into finals.
4. West Coast Eagles – first glimmers of young talent and rebuild.
5. Knee replacement in May (not) – physio, books and Kayo.
The passing of time focusses our attention. Department Of Golf Enjoyment (my game is Enjoyable not Efficient)
Love it BP – the real DOGE. Good luck with the knee replacement. It should add 20-30 metres to your drive and perhaps your putts as well. We should catch up for a game before your op if you have time.
Bingeing, binge watching, has its benefits, for sure. It’s certainly an efficient means of consumption. But it’s dangerous, too. Definitely has a way of exposing any and all flaws so that even good shows seem crap. Crap shows just become unwatchable…Ruin you for life, it could.