Almanac Footy Poetry: The Misses

The Misses


What is it about our footballing pros
That they can’t kick a goal from in front
They line up for ages, for what only knows
shaping to kick a drop punt


Then they spray the ball all over the place
couldn’t hit the barn with a handful
Their kicking’s a bloody disgrace
they’ll never end up with a bagful


300 a year they get paid to do this
and they still shank the pill out of bounds
taking the money is really remiss
the ineptitude really confounds


On training day they should not leave the track
until they can kick ten in a row
if they miss any one they have to stay back
until then they have not earned their dough


and shots in a game, bloody hell, just the same
fine them for each shot they butcher
no ifs or buts just a feeling of shame
or next week they should be an onlooker


Athletes are fine if they can play too
don’t pick ’em if they can’t kick the knacker
some of the blokes just haven’t a clue
if they miss… then don’t pay them a cracker


A good kicking action’s essential
pick out a face behind goals
the follow through is elemental
then the ball should go straight through the poles


My grandpa could goal where they miss it
maybe not from that distance out
don’t laugh or even dismiss it
He could kick them, of that there’s no doubt.


See, he always carried a footy
while he was growing up as a kid
and he hardly missed, ever, did he?
coz practice is just what you did


so you highly paid forward line players
pay attention to minor details
and eliminate all of your sprayers
and reduce your number of fails


Kicking straight when you’re paid a poultice
is simply a tool of the trade
but if your shots for goal are atrocious
I don’t think you should oughta get paid.


© The Rhymer 2018



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