Almanac Cricket: Digesting the First Test – Australia v India
The first Test has come and gone but there’s still a lot of processing going on.
The experts – the ones on TV, radio, podcasts, newspapers and social media – provide so many observations, opinions, prejudices and contradictions that our cricket processor can get clogged up.
Let’s see if we can sort it out.
Preparation is everything in cricket so let’s start there…
India: they arrived in Australia short on confidence after being comprehensibly beaten at home by the nice New Zealand team. They opted for secrecy in the nets and then a kind of in-house practice game at the WACA. Big mistake. Two of their best batters were unavailable and a legendary one was all washed up. Bad luck.
Australia: all they needed was a new opening batter in a very settled team. One old player now in the media (Dave Warner) suggested Dave Warner might be the required specialist. The selectors opted for a bat-off with aspirants Cam Bancroft, Marcus Harris, Matt Renshaw, and anyone else really, given opportunities to shine. They didn’t. In fact Bancroft, after years of pitch occupation and run accumulation, went into a slump of Biblical proportions. So the selectors decided Nathan McSweeny might as well get the job. The keyboard warriors and microphone botherers sharpened their fingers and tongues in anticipation.
The experts made their predictions: 5-0 Australia; 4-1 Australia (some recalled India being ok in Australia years ago) or 4-0 Australia (taking a Sydney wash-out into consideration).
The pitch at Perth Stadium was gonna be spicy.
Day one…
India win the toss and bat. Big mistake. All out for 150. Told ya so.
Australia get Bumrahed. Why can’t we have Karsan Gharvi and Madan Lal opening the bowling?
Day two…
Suddenly the Australian bowlers, having done their job, are out there again and batting is easy.
Questions are raised about Australia’s preparation.
I discover the Hindi commentary on 7plus (bliss).
Day three…
Australian’s get their first look at Jaiswal. The experts say, in English, India will bat on into day four, grind the Aussie bowlers into the ground. Mr Warner suggests they’ll declare and give Australia some uncomfortable minutes batting late in the day. He’s right. Another Bumrahing. Why isn’t Rusi Surti opening the bowling?
Day four…
My first day on attendance. One of 6,600. At lunch I’m put off by the queue at the curry outlet and opt for salt and pepper squid. Big mistake.
Steve Smith is becalmed, Travis Head bats nicely, Mitch March hits one into the second tier. And it’s over just after tea.
On the train home I look for guidance on social media. The answer is clear. If Pat Cummins doesn’t stop believing in climate change we’re doomed.
More from Les Everett can be read Here.
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About Les Everett
A Footy Almanac veteran, Les Everett is the author of Gravel Rash: 100 Years of Goldfields Football and Fremantle Dockers: An Illustrated History. Co-founder with Vin Maskell of scoreboardpressure.com. Founder of australianrules.com.au and the Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/abandonedcricketpitches/

Good observations. Personally I’d drop the salt and pepper “squid” (what do you expect tyre dealers to do with surplus retreads?) and invest in external purchases and a cool brick. There is no sporting stadium (or airport) where food is not tasteless, infarction inducing & fiscally punitive. BYO.
Suggest you watch less cricket. I find that reading the scorecard at the end of play and attending for a couple of hours on day four (were there any white people outside of the members?) is perfectly adequate for having strong opinions on the decline of Australian cricket and western civilisation.
Swan Districts have signed Connor Blakeley. Peace in our time.
Haha. Great stuff, Les.
Most amusing Les!
Oh, those past Indian names bring back memories.
Karsen ‘I do all the donkey work’ Gahvri.
Rusi Surti (a poor man’s Sobers).
I avoided most of the tripe that was regurgitated around the place.
As I peck these letters, India are all out for 180. An Assue bounceback? Hopefully.