AFLW Nickname Watch  – Part 1: Bulldogs edition

Respectful Suggestions to the Western Bulldogs on the Serious Matter of Nicknames

 

Dear Doggies,

 

On Sunday up against the poor old Fremantle MUA Here To Stay Dockers, you looked like a trillion dollars of whatever crypto-currency is doing well during this millisecond. The sky was clear, the day was bright, KB kicked three, Ellie was on fire and gee whiz how’s about those Pups? Brilliant, heart-lifting, song-whistling, finger-snapping, toe-tapping stuff.

 

But we need to talk about something very close to my heart: the dearth of nicknames available to barrackers in the outer.

 

I assume you have a bunch of nom de guerres, a symphony of sobriquets, a multitude of monikers, for use amongst yourselves. Fantastical, secretive code names, referring to the thing that happened at the place that time. In-jokes. But apart from KB – who really deserves a whole series of nicknames based on her goal kicking ability alone – and the inevitable Libba for Libby Birch, these are not very well known. Or at least, I don’t know them. I assume you call Kirsty Lamb Choppy, otherwise why are any of you even playing football?

 

Nature abhors a vacuum, so here we go, a series of nicknames for the Western Bulldogs Women’s Team based loosely on the following theme: The 1980s.

 

Why? Why not?

 

Bonnie Toogood –  Toogood is already such a great name for anybody, let alone a packbusting footballer. But the theme is set, so let’s do this.

Bonnie Toogood > Bonnie Tyler > Total Eclipse of the Heart > All so we can yell out “Turn Around Bright Eyes every time she gets near the play. For short sharp calls, her nickname should definitely be Just

 

Emma Kearney > Kearnsy > Kim Carnes > Bette Davis Eyes > Bette

 

Brooke Lochland – Shields, obviously.

 

Aasta O’Connor – Theatre

 

Katie Brennan – > KB > Kate Bush > Running Up That Hill (Deal With God) > God > Goddess

 

Monique Conti > Contiki > Tour (works because she covers so much ground)

 

Deanna Berry > Deanna Troi from Star Trek The Next Generation > Troi

                          > Berry>  Strawberry Shortcake> Cake or Straw

 

Naomi Ferres – Ferrous > Iron > Iron Lady > Maggie Nope, nope, nope. Scratch that. No one deserves that. What’s the opposite of Maggie Thatcher?

 

Tiarna Ernst > Is a doctor > Doctor Beat > Miami Sound Machine > Gloria Estefan > Gloria

                            Is a doctor>  Doctor, Doctor > Thompson Twins > Thommo

                            Is a doctor> Doctor, Doctor Gimme The News > News

                            Is a doctor > General Hospital (soap opera) > General

                            Is a doctor > The Young Doctors (soap opera) > Soapy

 

And there we have it. An in no way forced or convoluted bunch of brand new nicknames for the Bulldogs. Simple.

 

I love you, Bulldogs. See you soon.

 

Jackie > Lynchy > Jacksta > Lynch High Private Eye