AFL Trade Radio Satire – Episode 3: Brett Burton sits down with Sam McClure

In today’s episode, Sam McClure sits down with Adelaide FC Football Manager, Brett Burton.


Sam McClure: Brett Burton, good morning and welcome.


Brett Burton: Pleasure as always Sam


SMc: It’s been a fairly quiet trade period for the Crows thus far.


BB: Well with only one player traded in four days, I’d say it’s been fairly quiet for most Sam. This very station interviewed you for an hour yesterday to discuss how many phone calls you make as part of your job, so I’d say we’re all scratching around a bit.


SMc: Fair enough. I just want to take you back to the pre-season camp of 2018


BB: Have you got a feather to knock me down with also, Sam?


SMc: Very good Brett. Do you now, what with the Crows having missed the last two finals series and with so many players seemingly running away from the club, acknowledge that it was perhaps foolish to enlist the services of Collective Minds during that camp?


BB: No I don’t acknowledge that at all. It was a very small part of an overall extremely scientific football program.


SMc: I fail to see what’s ‘scientific’ about leading players away blindfolded….


BB: Please. They did that in ‘Bird Box’ and it was a cultural phenomenon. The movie was putrid, but no one remembers that.


SMc: And forcing the players to listen to the Tigers song on repeat?


BB: Again, you’re focusing on something very minor that had little effect. The whole footy world had the Giants song on repeat in Grand Final week this year and they didn’t fire a shot on the day.


SMc: Much like the Crows in 2017?


BB: I’m not sure I’m getting a fair hearing here Sam..


SMc: But surely, on reflection, it was not a good idea to enlist the help of corporate trainers, with no psychology qualifications, to improve the ‘mindset’ of already elite athletes? At the very least, the name ‘Collective Minds’ is more akin to a 1980s synth pop outfit than elite performance?


BB: I know you’re obsessed with this Sam, but we’ve addressed this many times..


SMc: How have you addressed this?


BB: By refusing to comment each time….


SMc: OK…..Let’s focus on the present day. Is it difficult to attract players to the club during the trade period without a senior coach?


BB: We have a very well resourced and scientific football department and we have excellent leaders within the club that can lead those discussions


SMc: I understand that, but when you consider tales of coaches like Alistair Clarkson pitching to prospective players, wouldn’t you agree someone like that would have more gravitas than an empty chair?


BB: Well that’s unfair Sam. We have Rory Sloane as captain…


SMc: So you’re confirming he’ll be the sole captain moving forward, now that his co-captain Tex Walker has stepped down?


BB: Well that’s to be confirmed.


SMc: When do you think that will be?


BB: Well when we get a new coach I imagine..


SMc: Aside from attracting new players, it’s been widely reported that you’re facing an uphill battle to retain current ones. There have been suggestions that up to 10 players are on the way out. Not just any players either – we’re talking the Crouch brothers, Eddie Betts, Sam Jacobs, Josh Jenkins, Alex Keath to name a few.


BB: Well that was more than a few..


SMc: Do you feel that’s inaccurate?


BB: I do. We’re making great inroads with some of these players. We’re working through each situation scientifically.


SMc: You keep referring to a scientific process. Science is obviously something you’re passionate about. Do you feel that perhaps you’ll move back into that field once you’ve completed your tenure as Football Manager?


BB: Look you never say never, Sam. You’re right, it is a passion, but so was playing footy and you can’t do anything forever.


SMc: So nothing beats playing footy Brett? Not even science?


BB: Well you can combine the two, Sam. Have you seen any of those hangers I used to take? Defied physics each time wouldn’t you say?


SMc: Fair point Bird Box.


BB: It’s Bird Man.


SMc: Of course. Thank you for joining us.


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About Andrew Else

Andrew has self-reported to this site as a lifetime Essendon supporter. He also played local footy for Lara and Melbourne Uni Blacks.


  1. Andrew Else says

    This was written before today’s news that Burton will be leaving the club. Given it’s all fictional anyway, we’ll just leave it here!

  2. Ken Richards says

    I hope you don’t feel responsible Andrew. All of the would seem to be self inflicted

  3. Earlier on in the season I commented that there needed to be a big broom go through the Crows with the absolute rubbish they were dishing up each week. With coaches Pyke, Campo and Burton either quitting (Pyke) or fired the process has thankfully begun. However many of the wrong players are going, notably Greenwood, Keath and Sir Edward Betts ( a true footy legend).

    Players I believe should go include Gibbs, Hartigan, McKay and either one of the Crouches. Whilst the Crouch boys get plenty of disposals (mainly defensive hand balls), they don’t really hurt the opposition. In fact they are more half backs than on ballers. I am sorry to see Jacobs go but, owing to O’ Reilly’s development, he wouldn’t get many games. I wish him well at GWS. Douglas and Otten retiring was expected.

    The new coach will be like the boy with the wheelbarrow – a big job in front of him. The club could do worse than appoint Erin Phillips in some capacity – all very interesting.

    Looking forward to Rulebook and Swish’s comments.

  4. PS Andrew, my previous comments were nor satirical – the burning question as the quior begins to sing is – how much is Burton hurtin’ after his sacking I, for one am not overly disappointed at his departure. However It does remind me of that old tune often sung at farewells.

    “We’re sorry to see you go
    We’re sorry to see you go
    We hope to hell you never come back
    We’re sorry to see you go”

    Only joking.

  5. Hope the new coach is a South Australian – we’ll soon see.

  6. Bring back N. Craig and S. Trigg I say, with tongue only half in cheek!! Seems more than passing strange that no responsibility for this situation has settled at Board or CEO level. All “moving on”.

    The Betts scenario is truly hilarious. When he was first recruited, Crows folk in their droves were ringing talkback radio opposing the deal and saying he was not worth the rumoured payment. Now they want vast paddocks of grass named after him and are all bitter about him leaving. I would think his departure is entirely linked to that camp.

    Understand also, from someone who was at Uni with him, that Douglas did not retire, he was pushed.

  7. Bucko, all my friends and I all cheered when we first heard of Betts coming to the Crows. I’ve no idea just who the peanuts were that disapproved (nobody I know). I certainly don’t want him to leave but, if he really wants to go, he should leave with the club’s and supporters’ blessing – a truly outstanding man and player. There should be a statue raised to him out the front of the Adelaide Oval.

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