AFL Trade Radio Satire – Episode 1: Adrian Dodoro

With the trade period insulting the collective intelligences of Melbourne (surely other cities can resist its ‘lure’?) I thought it time to consider how AFL Trade Radio should be done..

 

Today’s guest is Essendon recruiting manager, Adrian Dodoro, being interviewed by Dwayne ‘The Pipe’ Russell.

 

With apologies to John Clarke and Bryan Dawe…..

 

Dwayne Russell: Adrian Dodoro, thank you for joining us

 

Adrian Dodoro: Always a pleasure Dwayne

 

DW: There were reports coming out yesterday that you’ve been speaking to Mason Cox. You’re here to reject those claims?

 

AD: Absolutely. The closest I’ve come to Texas is the last 10 minutes of Monday’s Cowboys game

 

DW: Well, you don’t have to actually go to Texas to enquire about Mason …

 

AD: The point is, that’s just not our style. We’re a big Melbourne club. We play on Anzac Day..

 

DW: Collingwood, Mason’s team, plays on Anzac Day. They’ve beaten you 11 of the past 14 times

 

AD: We have Dreamtime…

 

DW: You’ve lost the last five. You actually don’t get close to the Ti….

 

AD: Regardless, it’s just not right to be approaching players from other clubs

 

DW: You’ve recruited some decent players from other clubs these last few years – Smith, Stringer, Saad, Shiel..

 

AD: I’d say we’ve been narrow in our focus

 

DW: Narrow?

 

AD: Well there are 25 other letters in the alphabet for starters

 

DW: Yes, well…you could see how your view could be judged as hypocritical?

 

AD: No I don’t accept that. You didn’t see Xavier Campbell buying Dylan Shiel lunch in August last year

 

DW: Are you referring to Tom Harley’s ‘mentoring’ of Joe Daniher?

 

AD: Well you tell me, Dwayne

 

DW: Harley was interviewed by Sam McClure and Mitch Cleary and..

 

AD: Who?

 

DW: Mitch Cleary

 

AD: Ah yes, ‘the shopping trolley’

 

DW: I’m sorry?

 

AD: ‘The shopping trolley’. That’s what we call him

 

DW: Why’s that?

 

AD: Well, he just hangs around in car parks

 

DW: I see. Harley stated that his August meeting was purely a catch up between friends and not football related

 

AD: Yes. Tom contacted me about that

 

DW: He did?

 

AD: Yes. He re-iterated that. He said he spoke about a friend with an investment property in Bondi, Ted Richards’ post footy finance interests and previous internship with Sydney sponsor CitiGroup and the likelihood of Buddy Franklin not finishing his contract, but at no stage did they talk about Joe playing for Sydney specifically.

 

DW: Is that it?

 

AD: He may have touched on the weather also

 

DW: And you believe him?

 

AD: Well Tom is an ornament to the game, Dwayne.

 

DW: Quite…There’s a school of thought that you personally are difficult to deal with, Adrian.

 

AD: I’ve heard that and I reject that also. We just did a pick swap to get the Tim Kelly deal done for goodness’ sake.

 

DW: Well that helps the Eagles for sure. Not so much the Cats.

 

AD: The Cats are fine. Stephen Wells will love the attention those picks give him. They might get some more father/sons…anyone can pick them though

 

DW: Another thing to keep them at the club though?

 

AD: If so say so Dwayne….

 

DW: OK, well we’re almost out of time. Can you give us a final comment about your pursuit of Mason Cox?

 

AD: There’s no ‘pursuit’ Dwayne! He came to The Hangar for a kids birthday party and that was it. Joe Daniher is a required player and will be playing for Essendon in 2020.

 

DW: But should Joe leave, Mason would be handy wouldn’t he? You’d need another tall?

 

AD: Dougal Howard is tall

 

DW: So you’ve spoken to Dougal Howard? South Australian club. Wouldn’t say he’s ‘crazy good’…but…

 

AD: Of course we have

 

DW: Even though Daniher’s not leaving?

 

AD: We need to cover all bases Dwayne! Honestly, try and keep up.

 

DW: I see. Adrian Dodoro, thank you for joining us…..By the way, what was the theme of the kids party?

 

AD: Heroes and Villains, Dwayne

 

DW: Interesting. And where did Mason fit in?

 

AD: I’ll let you know next week.

 

 

 

Our writers are independent contributors. The opinions expressed in their articles are their own. They are not the views, nor do they reflect the views, of Malarkey Publications.

 

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