AFL Round 9 – Adelaide v Collingwood: Chernobyl FC still likely to host Crows’ entire 2015 pre-season

Forking out a week’s salary to see Milli Vanilli at the Vienna Konzerthaus. In 2014, this has been Adelaide Oval for the Crows fan. Gorgeous arena, miming charlatans.

Can anyone tell me if Adelaide has previously beaten Collingwood in a significant match? No, I didn’t think so.

In the Crows and Magpies 2002 preliminary final at the MCG, Anthony Rocca’s third-quarter drop punt covered seventy ghastly metres. Connecting just inside the centre square, he sent the Sherrin through at two-thirds post height.

It was an astonishing goal. It was a horrible goal. 88,960 people will always remember it. Although Rocca was at the city end, everyone around us at the Punt Road end knew as he kicked it.

How could Collingwood lose after that?

*

It was a month before I got married. We decided to go after the Crows defeated Melbourne in the semi-final. This was a game of vivid mood swings. Like K. Rudd in a midnight cabinet meeting. Apparently.

Some old school mates and I drove over from Adelaide. In Singapore, a decade on, and sharing a miniscule condominium with two boisterous boys (and one wife), there’s an otherworldly quality to this idea. Time passes.

Sweeping road, conversation, music.

You Am I escorted us into Victoria with their superb album, Hourly, Daily. Evoking backyards and childhood, Kangaroos supporter Tim Rogers takes us through the skimming bliss and little deaths of suburbia.

The songs’ loose narrative arc recalls Dylan Thomas’ Under Milk Wood, and for me, the laconically pretty,Please Don’t Ask Me To Smile” especially stirs memories of this weekend.

When I was in grade six

I used to hold open a door for a girl

And she called me a wimp

Said there’s just no need

To be so fcuking polite

I politely agreed with her

I think she was right

Kapunda tradition urges a break at the White Hart Hotel in Horsham. Schnitzels and pots, before then pushing on to Carlton, and Friday night at the University Hotel.

Saturday. Preliminary final. Sluggish breakfast. Wander about the Docklands. Young & Jacksons. Stroll to Jolimont. The footy. Disappointment.

*

Not being bucks and hens show types, we then had a combined afternoon at the Victoria Park races in front of the heritage-listed grandstand. It was a sunny Caulfield Cup day, and Northerly saluted.

And the imposing gelding also collected the W.S. Cox Plate a week later, about three hours after we were married on the lawns at Cummins House, a couple furlongs from Morphettville racecourse.

*

Dane Swan is an ugly duckling. Despite years of resistance, he is now among my favourite footballers. It is his unlikeliness, that is, well, likable. He presents as a dilettante. His expression often suggests slogging joylessly on a factory line; at any point, he could simply walk away. He is the anti-Bryce Gibbs.

It was Tex Walker’s return game after a year off with a knee injury. Last we saw, he sported a Broken Hill mullet, and now he has an East German coif, and post-hipster moustache. He could have launched into Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now. Tex was rusty, kicking four behinds, but got the pill seventeen times.

Adelaide and Collingwood always play close, scrambling matches. On this balmy May evening, both teams miss opportunities. Neither side grasps the ascendency. It is pulsating, and engaging.

Travis Cloke has checked himself into the cloakroom. Young Crow Daniel Talia demonstrates how he has outstripped former tricolour wunderkind Phil Davis. An early fumbled chest mark sets a dismal tone for the black and white power forward, and he remains generally ineffectual.

Showing us his remarkable composure yet again, Scott Pendlebury is the best Magpie on Adelaide oval. When next crossing a feverish Vietnamese road with lurching wooden boxes of perplexed poultry, in, say, Ho Chi Minh City, I want him to chaperone me across the tarmac, between the cars, trucks, and swerving motorcycles. When will he claim his Brownlow?

With only a solitary goal achieved in the final term, it is gripping football. I remark to my Boomarang Bar acquaintances, that the Crows are never certainties until they’re up by fifty points with fifty seconds to play. Eddie Betts is the solitary scorer, and we hold on.

Our season flickers.

 

ADELAIDE             1.4    5.6    9.10   10.16    (76)

COLLINGWOOD    3.3    6.6    7.8     7.13     (55)

 

GOALS

Adelaide: Jenkins 4, Douglas 2, Jaensch, Podsiadly, Cameron, Betts

Collingwood: Lumumba, Pendlebury, Beams, Blair, Swan, Cloke, White

 

BEST

Adelaide: Dangerfield, Jenkins, Talia, Jacobs, Douglas, Thompson

Collingwood: Pendlebury, Langdon, Beams, Sidebottom, Lumumba

 

INJURIES

Adelaide: Nil

Collingwood: Nil

 

SUBSTITUTES

Adelaide: Matthew Wright replaced by Matt Crouch in the fourth quarter

Collingwood: Jarrod Witts replaced by Sam Dwyer in the third quarter

 

Reports: Nil

Umpires: Ryan, Findlay, McInerney

Official crowd: 50,051 at Adelaide Oval

 

Our votes: Thompson (3), Jenkins (2), Pendlebury (1)

 

About Mickey Randall

Favourite film: The Shawshank Redemption Favourite song: Khe Sahn Favourite holiday destination: Gold Coast Favourite food: steak Favourite beer: VB Best player seen: Dogga Worst player seen: Frogga Last score on beep test: 3.14159 Favourite minor character in Joyce’s Ulysses: Punch Costello

Comments

  1. You sound a bit melancholy in victory Mickey. Like the girl telling you she loves you when you (or your Crows) are on their deathbed? Better late than never?
    Loved the Milli Vannili intro. We are planning to have an editorial meeting on the use of the ‘fk’ word on the site. Yours was a direct quote and just snuck past. We don’t want any Christopher Pyne (“no sir I just said bunt”) moments on a family site like the Almanac. Do you allow your kids to read your pieces, MR?
    Hope the 3-2-1 votes are in the right order.

  2. Hello Peter. I hope this proves to be our most significant win over Collingwood ever. Lots of positives, but…

    Christopher Pyne. I think his name should become a derogatory verb, or an adjective. This would be suitable.

    Votes are good, thanks.

  3. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    I note that Pendles had 9K and 24H in his 33D, it was probably the Pies on the end of the 24H that didn’t help.

    Last significant Ade win v Coll

    1993 Round 22 – Crows had to defeat the Pies to make the finals. We were down 1.5 to 6.1 at qtr time and got up

    http://footybets.com/game/view/Adelaide/Collingwood/1993_22_1_4_29_10785

    Note the tackle count 42-22

  4. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    I suspect that Pyne is not really that fond of grubs.

  5. I’d pay money to watch Paul Keating v Christopher Pyne, even though PK would devour him.

  6. E.regnans says

    Good on you Mickey.
    Love the You Am I reference.
    Love the cloakroom.
    And Tex as Freddie.
    well played.

  7. Tex loses a kilo with the removal of his mullett and Swanie puts on a kilo (most of it ink)

  8. David- Thanks for that. I reckon You Am I marry well with football. They offer a perfect soundtrack to our game.
    Vic- Both are those rare beasts, “football characters.” I think Swanny’s tattooist is riding a very nice Harley!

  9. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    2002 – the Jason Cloke / Tyson Edwards game

  10. Swish- I noted that Randall Bone was running around (or lumbering) for the Crows in the 1993 game you referenced! CDFC icon Scotty Lee was also part of that team! And Coodabeens’ favourite Craig Starcevich was quiet for the Magpies. Timmy wouldn’t have noticed though.

  11. Malcolm Ashwood says

    Thanks Mickey even tho you could put my knowledge of music on the back of a postage stamp even I enjoyed the tex , freddie line ( I enjoy yours and Swish correspondence ) it seemed last night that the pies got ahead of themselves just as we had against the dees , the mental side of sport ! Hopefully last night is significant in the crows dealing with a tagger ( should have happened round 1 ) as the protection given to danger was far better . Cameron was good we wait and see the significance of the result thanks Mickey

  12. Great read Mickey – you had me reflecting on my road trips with friends – although mine were typically more pedestrian commuting type trips. I lived with a mate in Geelong for 6 months when we both headed to Deakin and would make the trip back to Warrnambool every other weekend. We would often play Thin Lizzy’s Boys Are Back In Town as we headed past the Premier Speedway – although in reality we are more like the boy in the You Am I song.

  13. Malcolm- Thanks for that. Charlie Cameron looks like he might enjoy the big stage. He didn’t appear overawed. Jenkins continues to impress. For such a lump of a lad he’s remarkably mobile.

    djlitsa- I reckon the road trip is one of life’s great joys. And Victoria is a pretty good place for it as the views are scenic and the towns aren’t too far apart. Horshaw, Dimboola, Nhill. All good, but of course, we’d judge the entire town by the quality of the pies on offer at the servo! Thanks.

  14. Mickey – great report. All year the Crows have nearly looked like a good team. Last night they did look like one.

    This year is completely up for grabs.

  15. David Zampatti says

    Bob Downe reports that, as a consequence of finding out that he’s straight (who’d have guessed), he’s been taking speech lessons that have left him with a voice “somewhere between John Laws and Christopher Pyne”. I’m sure that routine will have gathered some embellishments this week!

    Oh, and well done Crows. Anyone else feeling this season’s going to end up an almighty clusterf**k.

  16. Thanks Dips. Agree that it is open. It pains me to say it, but Port have really freshened things up. Good to finally beat Collingwood!

    David- Bob Downe is a national treasure. CP is not!

  17. Dave Brown says

    Thanks Mickey, good read – I would put a vote in for Round 2, 2005 at Docklands. McLeod slotted the winning goal from the boundary, 45m out on his left boot and hit the goal umpire’s shoe. Given the narrowness of the minor premiership win that season and that it set the scene for the season, was pretty significant.

  18. Thanks Dave. I’ve heard about McLeod’s goal although I didn’t see it as we were living in the UK when audio streaming of radio was a wonder. He played with such elegance! No wonder Fudd loved seeing him with the footy, running through centre. Lace out.

  19. Dave Brown says

    We used to have a thing at Footy Park called the McLeod groan. Particularly when moving the ball out of half back he would kick it, apparently to no-one, which would lead to an audible crowd groan until a Crows player ran into the space where he put it and took a comfortable chest mark. I still struggle to understand why Ricciuto has a stand and McLeod has a room at the new Adelaide Oval

  20. Simon Willcox says

    Good work Mickey. The Pies have always been our bogie side. A win against them and the odds can kick start a season. As you would say BUT…
    I have fond memories of beating them in the last the last game of the season in 93′ to make the finals. Thanks for the reminder Swish. Shame about the prelim that year though. Loved Cloakroom and the Mcleod groan. I guess a Brownlow gives you a stand and back to back Norm Smiths may only give you a room Dave.
    However most players would gladly swap a stand for a room.
    What do you think of his indigenous jumper design?

  21. Thanks Dave-the McLeod groan is interesting. Just shows that folks don’t need to know much about the game. Simply buy a ticket and walk in! We’ve had a few players over the years whose decision-making and/or kicking have been sometimes poor such as Tregenza, Connell and recently, Symes, but I’d never have thought that McLeod was one of these!

    Thanks Simon- Good points about rooms and stands. I reckon you’re right. The 1993 preliminary final is a bit like the shooting of JFK. Everyone knows where they were, and can tell you their own version of this tale of misery! It’s an elite club for the tortured. Bu we only had to wait four years….

  22. Kevin McDonnell says

    I can’t agree with the assessment of Tregnza’s kicking/decision making. I reckon he always kicked it in the right direction but needed two kicks to get it there. And speaking of groans….it used to amuse me the way the Crows crowd would scream at Tyson Edwards to “get rid of it” as he was being swung 360 degrees in a tackle and then just at the 359th degree would handball it to a team mate in a reasonably good position. Sure he’d be pinged for holding the ball but only once in about 20 tackles. They should at least name a men’s room after Tyson!

  23. Kevin- has the Ryan Fitzgerald Urinal opened yet?

  24. Malcolm Ashwood says

    Geez Kevin even heaps of crows players used to give trigger heaps about his kicking especially re his ability to deliver hospital balls , life of the party but a shithouse kick and he would be the 1st to admit should have been harder on occasions

  25. Luke Reynolds says

    Well done Mickey, very enjoyable read. Hourly, Daily is a superb album. Tim and You Am I have been far too quiet lately for my liking. Hopefully something new from them appears soon.
    Adelaide matched up well against the Pies on Thursday. Great to see Tex back, the game needs players like him.
    Bring on the re-match in Round 18 at the MCG!

  26. Thanks Luke. Apparently Tim Rogers has been living in New York, but hopefully drawing inspiration from his experiences there, and enjoying the chance to distill the Australian experience for afar. One of the best live performances I’ve seen was You Am I’s blistering set at the Big Day Out in 2000. However, both solo and with his band, Tim Rogers is great acoustically too.

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