AFL Round 4 – Collingwood v Hawthorn: Weird dreams, nightmare season

by Josh Barnstable

This was the unknown clash. Collingwood, one week after Mick Malthouse was accused of taunting and sledging Stephen Milne, calling him a fu**ing rapist as the sides went to their quarter time huddles. Was this the reason I had a dream where I was also called this because I wore a Port Adelaide jumper? I dream about weird things.

Hawthorn, without Brad Sewell, Lance Franklin, Shaun Burgoyne and Simon Taylor, come into the clash looking to win their second game since the Round 1 thumping of Melbourne, which seems so much of a long time ago. Both the vertical striped teams run out on the ground as the umpire held the ball aloft.

Dale Thomas kicked the first goal after a good pack mark, before Alan Didak snagged one with his deadly left boot. Scott Pendlebury goaled from a long distance, before Thomas kicked his second off the ground from the goalsquare, and Darren Jolly slotted his first from the forward pocket, the Pies led by 29 points without a whimper from the Hawks. Jordan Lewis, just six days after being polaxed by Jarrod Harbrow floated forward to kick the Hawks’ first goal, but still trailed by a significant 23 points at quarter time, 1.4 to 5.3.

The second quarter began and Chance Bateman goaled, before an avalanche of Collingwood goals came through Travis Cloke after a free kick, Sharrod Wellingham after a 50m penalty, Leon Davis after he snapped from a pack, Steele Sidebottom after he took the crumbs and kicked truly and finally Dane Swan kicking a good goal on the run from 35m, Collingwood led by a massive 46 points at half time, 10.6 to 2.8. Amazingly, the Pies kicked 5.3 in both quarters in the first half, while the Hawks both putted through a dismal 1.4.

The second half started and the goals dried up, but we still saw some beauties. Jarryd Roughead ran into an open goal, but Ben Johnson replied with a long goal after receiving from Cloke. Campbell Brown knocked the ball on deep in the forward line to kick his first, but Davis snapped his bread-and-butter to end the quarter with the Magpies out in front by 56 points after a shocking 2.11 quarter, bringing back awful memories of the 1998 Grand Final. 12.17 to 4.9 at the last break.

The final term began and Cyril Rioli showed a whimper with a goal on the run, but he, like the rest of the team, looked generally tired. Thomas kicked his third goal, Davis took a good grab and kicked his third, Didak ran into an open goal, slotting it with his non-preferred, taking the lead out to 70 points. Carl Peterson snapped a ripper from the boundary line, and Jarryd Morton kicked a pearler, probably two of the highlights of the game for Hawthorn. Jolly kicked his second, followed by Brent Macaffer kicking his first, but a late goal to Morton on the siren saw the final margin reduced to 64 points, 17.21.113 to 8.11.59.

Hawthorn are in trouble. Everyone was getting on them in the pre-season to follow up the 2008 Season, but that doesn’t seem so anymore. One win from four games, yes, the losses were against quality teams (Western Bulldogs, Geelong, Collingwood) but if they were to be any chance in 2010, they needed to beat those teams. Collingwood really pulled their pants down tonight, I just hope by next Sunday they still have them down. North Melbourne really need a win.

Collingwood 5.3—10.6—12.17—17.21.113

Hawthorn 1.4—2.8—4.9—8.11.59


Collingwood-Thomas 3, Davis 3, Jolly 2, Didak 2, Cloke, Pendlebury, Sidebottom, Macaffer, Johnson, Swan, Wellingham

Hawthorn-Morton 2, Rioli, Roughead, Peterson, Bateman, Lewis, Brown


Collingwood-Thomas, Shaw, Sidebottom, Swan, Didak, Davis, Wellingham, Pendlebury, Johnson. Prestigiacomo

Hawthorn-Hodge, Bateman, Birchall, Guerra


67.688 at the MCG


3: Dale Thomas (COLL)

2: Heath Shaw (COLL)

1: Steele Sidebottom (COLL)

About Josh Barnstable

21 year old North Melbourne supporter from country Victoria. Currently living in Melbourne studying a Bachelor of Sports Media. Dreams of becoming a sports journalist and broadcaster.


  1. Damian Watson says

    Great report Josh,

    Although the Hawks have been the subject of poor form, I believe it is too early to say they are on the canvas.

    Nobody would have placed their house on the Hawks to prevail in one of those matches let alone all three.

    Anyway great analysis of the match.

  2. Good work Joshy! :)
    Yes you have VERY weird dreams don’t you?
    Does anyone find it weird that as soon as Steele became ‘hot’ to me he starts playing like a gun?

  3. Thanks Danni.

    Yes that was a bit of a coincidence. Can you do me a favour?

    Can you say that Daniel Wells is hot? He needs to start performing..

  4. And thanks for your comment too Damo.

  5. 3- you know who’s kinda hot?
    DANIEL WELLS! EXCEPT WHEN NORTH PLAY COLLINGWOOD, but other wise yeah hes hot!

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