AFL Round 3 – Collingwood v Hawthorn: Two outta three ain’t bad

Two out of three ain’t bad

Baby I can complain all night (about those umpires)

But that ain’t gettin me nowhere


I yelled and gave it everything I possibly could

There’s nothing left inside of here


Now don’t be sad (Don’t be sad)

‘Cause two out of three ain’t bad


On a dark and gloomy September 2011 day, this song bought pain and suffering to us all in the pre-match “entertainment” and so it springs to mind after a dark and gloomy loss today. In fact, as I sat in the nose-bleed section of the AFL members today, amongst the most arrogant of the AFL’s supporters, the last quarter seemed eerily similar to that last quarter of 2011. Both quarters seemed to drag on forever and made for a long and painful wait for that final siren.

But as Bux has outlined several times so far this season, that in our first three rounds we were playing teams that we didn’t beat last year.  So by my reckoning, 2 wins out of 3 ain’t bad. In my crystal ball gazing in the preseason I penciled in wins in Rounds 1 and 2, and a likely loss this week.

Whilst our last quarter was diabolical, I think there was something to work with, with our first three quarters. I’m not sure what happened to us from mid third quarter onwards – after another bewildering decision gave them a 12 point lead. We seemed to have no legs left and no real effort from anyone in the last 40 minutes of the game.

I thought we had great intensity and won plenty of clearances til midway through the second quarter and a good forward set up with Cloke and Elliott working well. But poor early kicking for goal AGAIN cost us any chance of getting a well-earned lead. Why are we always 1 goal 4 points and never 5 goals straight??!?!?? Why??!?!?

From mid-way in the second quarter, about the time Reid hobbled off, they had more numbers around the ball and surer hands than us under pressure and started to take over. With our early poor kicking and the lopsided and damaging free kick count, the odds were stacked against us and the rest of the game is history.

Unfortunately it was a tough job to give the Danny Roach votes for the Floreat Pica Society today, for all the wrong reasons.  There were too many players who put their hand up with poor games, fumbles, dropped chest marks or damaging/uncharacteristic clangers, but here goes:

3 – Sinkers – by all accounts he’s supposed to be a defensive forward, but today he was offensive (and I don’t mean the attacking interpretation). Unfortunately looked lost out there today, fluffed his only decent chance for the day missing a set shot and don’t think he had an effective possession with his limited stats.

2 – Sidey – by his standards, was dreadful – gave Hodge too much space when he was on him (how can a bloke split the middle with two torps off one step from boundary throw ins??? It really wasn’t going to be our day was it), got caught too often and a low ineffective stat count.

1 – Jordan Russell – it was either him or Goldy. His navy background helped him win in the tie-breaker. Didn’t give us any drive all day, I watched him twice in the first quarter stargazing, like Geoff Hayward in The Club, instead of presenting and wanting the ball when he was the only close option.

On the plus side – Faz was brilliant when he came on, Daisy got a game under his belt, Elliott backed up another good game and it looked like he felt he belonged at AFL level, Clokey monstered their backs and will give the Hawks some worry if we can get the rest of our house in order next time. And finally, ever since he’s grown the beard and started kicking on his left foot that Josh Fraser has really got some grunt into his game and played a ripper in his first game back for the year.

Whilst I’m begrudgingly humming Meatloaf tonight with hope in my heart, if next week doesn’t bring a victory over the resurgent Tiges then it’ll be “two out of four aint any $#%&#$^ good”!

Floreat Pica.

PS. Sorry MJ if I’ve stolen any of your thunder in your debut, but I had to get this out of my system tonight (Sunday)!

About Ramon Dobb

A footy and cricket fanatic. A lifelong passionate one eyed Mighty Magpie fanatic. My writing is unashamedly written with one black & white eye open only - so please don't take offence, it's nothing personal, it's just the black & white way! Also a lifelong player and member of Washington Park Cricket Club, the Mighty Sharks. My 15 minutes of fame includes regular contributions to Hot Pies, the 1999-2004 Fanzine, and regular contributor to the Coodabeen Champions weekly competition from their heady 3RRR days. Go Pies and Floreat Pica.


  1. aussie80s says

    As a Hawks supporter sitting up in the Olympic Stand area – not sure what it’s called now – I was worried about our height at the start of the game as it began to rain right on cue. Too many talls and even our sub, Gunston, was another tall. Should have brought Simpkin in to replace Sewell. I thought Collingwood adapted quickly to the wet conditions and were far cleaner with their disposal and it took Hawthorn until late in the 2nd term to realise in the wet you may as well just kick it long and back yourself to win a contest rather than try 5 handballs under pressure and guarantee you get nowhere and lose possession at the same time.

    When the Pies got to a 22 point lead they should have actually been about 40 points up but for some missed opportunities. Hodge’s torpedo snaps were straight out of his rear orifice and were game changers, a bit like Malceski in last years’ GF. Guerra’s torp into the center may have been planned, in the warm up he did that about 10 times.

    The new ruck rule (no contact before it is bounced/thrown up) and the sliding rule is still taking some time to get used to. The free to Roughy was dubious at best but that is the interpretation – big Q will have to use his agility rather than his body, or just time his contact better. The Hodge free/O’Brien report was there all the way any day of the week….up until last year.

    Hawthorn have copped the rough end of the stick from the umpires for a long time now for their unsociable football. That’s actually an official statistic, not a moaning supporter. Hawthorn have had the worst free kick differential in 3 of the last 5 seasons and finished Top 5 in the other 2. What some players would be lucky to get a free against, if it was a Hawks player he would get 2 weeks. It’s nice to finally get a game without Vozzo, McInerny or Goldspink who must all have been Essendon supporters as kids. I’m sure the AFL won’t take kindly to Hawthorn winning the free kick counts and these 3 umpires will never again be allowed to do a Hawks game.

    Cloke killed Schoey all day. It was only due to our great win in Perth last week that they decided against bringing Lake in. Guaranteed the next time these 2 sides meet it won’t be left to Schoey or Gibson to shut him down, although the form he was in he would have beaten anyone on Sunday. Collingwood’s problem is that they have lost Brown and Dawes since 2010 and don’t seem to have other tall options to go to. If Cloke kicks 5 and no other talls trouble the scorers then it is a lot of pressure on the small forwards.

    Collingwood’s midfield of Pendles, Swan, Beams and Ball is the best in the comp, but if a few are missing then the depth seems to be challenged. A few more need to stand up.

    O’Brien, Maxwell, Shaw etc play a great defensive game when they are allowed a loose man to set up attacks but Hawthorn have played man on man the last 4 times and it seems to stifle the smooth flow and general game plan.

    On the whole Collingwood’s game plan has been worked out by Hawthorn last year and each time it is implemented again the result is very similar as the man on man contests and the run and spread gets multiple forward options and about 20 goals kicked. It is usually just a matter of interest when will the cameras zoom in on Joffa, which is usually about the same time that there are a few vacant seats at the city end appearing.

    I hope the Pies get their game plan back on track for ANZAC Day as my enemy’s enemy is my friend, and I will cheer for the Maggies that day.

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