AFL Round 22 – Port Adelaide v Carlton: Substandard Homesick Blues

With apologies to Bob Dylan’s iconic “Subterranean Homesick Blues”, last night’s effort by Carlton against Port had me feeling Blues of a different kind.


Boys are in Adelaide

mixing up the Power

I’m in the lounge room

Thinking about the AFL


The man in the duffle coat

membership paid off

She’s got a loud voice

looking for another choice


Look out Mick

It something you did

God knows when
But we’re doing it again

You better look down the draft list

lookin’ for some new men


Man in a blues cap

trying not to mock

Wants eleven Juddys

But you only got Brock


Murphy comes gets a sore head

Gibbs giving no hoot

Jarrad doesnt give a root

Plants in the rooms but

The place’s tapped anyway

Magpies every which way

We were stuffed in early May


Look out Mick

No clue what you did

players on their tip toes

mixing coke with nodose

Better show us what you got

Seems as though ya lost the plot

Was it you that started the rot

Watch for the fans Mick

their the ones that ya need to trick

You don’t need a weather man

the punters say we need a plan


Second half, same shit

Hang to the death knell?

Not sure but what the hell


We need a flag to sell

Try hard, gettin beat

down back, Jammo’s frail

Jarrod Waite, massive fail

play the twos, most stale

Look out Mick

you grumpy old prick

Poor users, cheaters

long time losers

Hang around the heaters

Girl in the cheer squad

looking for a new club

No one follows leaders

The intensity has weakened


Ah were gone, fans mourn

Been pantsed, bromance, need to chance.

Distressed, depressed

Try to be a success

Please sir, please Mick, buy pricks

Don’t bludge, please lift

another year of tooling

and they put you on the delist


Look out Mick

you grumpy old prick

duck now, half brick

Light yourself a candle

give away the sandals

Try to avoid the scandal

Don’t want to be a bum

games lost, I’m done

The plan ain’t fun

Cause the Blues lost their man jewels


About Tony Robb

A life long Blues supporter of 49 years who has seen some light at the end of the tunnel that isn't Mick Malthouse driving a train.


  1. Dead set, rolled gold classic Tony. I was pissing myself while I was editing it. “Look out Mick, you grumpy old prick” and so many other brilliant lines. It all fits perfectly with the meter and rhythm of the song.
    I had to add the video for the under 40’s.
    Thanks TR – you made my day/week/month.

  2. Ken Richards says

    Thank You Tony.
    A true gem, and much more fun than scrolling through the remarks of disgruntlement on Big Footy forums. In defence of the baggers though, they have been so brave for the past month, have given their all, and had no more to give. After all, they have been through so much….
    But you have the silver fox pinned, and unlike Mr Zimmerman, he is most surely well past his use by date.

  3. BRING BACK RATTEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  4. Yvette Wroby says

    Bloody brilliant!

  5. John Butler says

    If I wasn’t still crying so hard this would be funnier. Bravo TR.

    Am I to presume you partook of His Bobness on the current tour?

  6. JB
    I have a problem about paying overs for old bastards in their 70s trying the fleece the punters “one last time” with nothing but nostalgia on offer. At least with Bob, his voice never sounded any good.

  7. Peter Fuller says

    I think the sentiment you (and I) are feeling is captured in George McGovern”s address to his supporters after the 1972 Watergate election in which he was defeated by Richard Nixon by a margin equivalent to the Blues’ humiliation on Friday night:
    “I’m too old to cry and it hurts too much to laugh”.
    Anyway, Tony your channeling the great Bobby D. – with such precision as Peter B has noted – did give me a chuckle.

  8. Dave Nadel says

    Mick himself, however, after his previous experiences at Collingwood might prefer to go with another Dylan song, the final four lines of the last verse of Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again

    “Here I sit so patiently
    Trying to find out what price
    You have to pay to get out of
    Going through all these things twice.”

  9. Dave
    love your work

  10. Great work Tony.

  11. You should hire a barn and put on a show TR.

    Can’t wait for the live version on Youtube.

  12. Callum O'Connor says

    Mick Malthouse, he could not keep
    All his players from falling asleep
    “Ain’t gonna rebuild, cos that’s too steep
    And our boys can push through this”

  13. Well done Tony, something very funny from a forgettable effort.

    Perhaps he took “The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.” too much into account with his game plan.

  14. Thanks All
    I will be doing a Youtube clip in the future

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