AFL Round 2 – St.Kilda v Richmond: No avocado, please

It’s Saturday morning, and I awoke feeling a strange emotion that Richmond supporters haven’t felt in a long time: elation. Richmond, for the first time since 1995, have one the first two games of the season. That was when my mum and dad were skiing in somewhere obscure. It was that long ago.

I’m writing this on my couch, next to my little brother who is watching Minecraft videos on the family iPad. My thoughts are partly distorted due to the drawling voice of AntVenom. Enough with the tosh, let us indulge on the happy time of Friday night….

It’s my dear mummy’s 40th birthday, and her and I are at my neighbours house, enjoying dinner. However, due to my immense dislike of avocado, I’m desperately trying to choke down other stuff uninhabited by avocado, and checking my watch for the time when 7:30 is shown. When it arrives,  I will run back home and start recording the game, whilst grabbing the cake. 7:30 rolls around, and I run home, torch in hand, set recording, grab cake, run back. Then I head to the telly room, and the game begins.

The tigers start brightly, with Jack marking well 40 out. However, he misses, but I feel a little excited, perhaps hopeful. However, new boy for St Kilda Beau Maister puts me down a peg or two by booting the first. Richmond seem to wake up a bit, after seeming sluggish earlier in the quarter. Jack and Lukey McGuane kick goals. Lukey even throws in a hanger. Cousin Nick gets decked by Batchelor, throws a bit of a tantrum and gives away 50. Cotch is again being heavily tagged by Clinton Jones, but Dusty Martin is playing well. We kick four quick goals, two both to Jack and Lukey, before Stanley and Saad kick back, reducing the margin to ten points at quarter time. Our midfield is playing well, Martin picking up 11 disposals for the quarter.

Cousin Nick kicks his first a minute, and I start flash backing to last week, but Jack, Conca and the Push-up King kick us out to 22 points before Maister kicks a second. Then points rain down on both sides, with goals to McEvoy and Our Riewoldt in between. He’s in form tonight, four goals and a screamer. The tigers are wasting the footy, and we go in at orange time 16 points up.

Cotch has only eight touches, Martin has double that. Jack has 4 goals, Lukey 2.

Then, on cue, Cotchin starts to play like Cotchy, starting to get the better of Jones. Cousins trade blows while Gilbert and Milne get their firsts. Tigers get goals through Vickery, who’s been quiet, Newman and two from Jack, who now has six. We start to look safer, until Nick goes bang-bang, getting his 3rd and 4th. 23 point margin shoots down to 11. Cotch has arrived as Martin is tagged. Conca is playing very well.

My nerves are taking a hold as we head into the last break. We can’t lose now.

Can we?

The quarter starts in the Saint’s half, though gritty defense saves us. Ty gets subbed of for Ellis, and he proves himself with crazy courage. Kingy attempts a hanger, and nearly pulls it off. Ellis lays a great tackle, but Saad brings the margin to 5 points. Jack kicks crucially, gets No.7, Newy misses, while great defense from Pettard and Chaplin help us rush a behind for the Saints. Armitge, Saad and Martin spray shots, but Ivan gets us home with a crucial set shot. Siren sounds to extreme noise from the telly room, and much rejoicing. Tiges by 17 points.

The Cotch picks up 31 possessions, Conca, Deledio and Martin were great. Jack has 7, a great haul.

We sing the song with gusto, and new boy Pettard is promptly drowned in Powerade. Two on the trot.

Maybe the stock of lies I’ve been telling myself is starting to change….

See you next time!

RICHMOND: 14.15 (99)

ST KILDA: 12.10 (82)


RICHMOND: Riewoldt 7, McGuane 2, Conca, King, Newman, Maric, Vickery.

ST KILDA:  Riewoldt 4, Saad, Maister 2, Stanley, McEvoy, Gilbert, Milne.


RICHMOND: Cotchin, Conca, Riewoldt, Deledio, Martin, King, Maric.

ST KILDA: McEvoy, Riewoldt, Hayes, Montagna, Milera, Saad.

VOTES: Conca 1, McEvoy 2, Cotchin 3.










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