AFL Round 18 – Fremantle v Adelaide: Slinki Malinki and the tattered, battered, scattered Crows

Slinky Malinki

and Stickybeak Sid

were a troublesome pair;

you know what they did?…….

They started a fight! It’s on! Looks like a couple of Freo players have got stuck into Van Berlo! Started with a free to us, we’ll take that thankyou. I wonder what Freo were up to there? Adelaide are hardly a team that needs roughing up this year.

“Daddy read it”

“Sorry Chloe…”

Slinki Malinki

jumped high off the floor,

he swung on the handle

and opened

a door……

Not sure about the door, but the finals window is still slightly ajar. Good stuff, looks like the boys have picked up where they left off last week against Geelong. They’ve got a bit of a jump on Freo here, a win tonight would do them no end of good.

“Daddy read it”

“Sorry Chloe…”

They tangled the towels

and hung on the rope,

they paddled in powder

and slid on

the soap


You’d think Adelaide were playing with a cake of soap at times this year, gee they’ve had the fumbles. Bloody red time goals too, I’d hate to think how many Adelaide have let through in the last few minutes of quarters this year. Kills you when work so hard throughout the quarter to build a lead and a couple of mistakes and it’s gone.

“Daddy next page”

“Yep, sorry Chloe…”

Slinki Malinki

jumped high off the floor,

he swung on the handle

and opened

a door……

Crap, Freo are smashing their way through the door here now. Finished the 1st with a flourish and now into the 2nd and it doesn’t even look like going in Adelaide’s forward half. Thank goodness they aren’t putting it on the scoreboard.

“Daddy read it”


They tattered some letters

and battered some books,

they scattered some paperclips,


and hooks.


Tattered. Battered. Scattered. Yep, that’s Adelaide version 2013 all over.

What a shemozzle,

the things that they did –

Slinky Malinki

and Stickybeak Sid….

Shemozzle, too right. The kids have tried hard this year, but really anything that could go wrong has gone wrong. Doesn’t look like this game is going to turn out any different.

…opened the door.


“Yep, he let in the doggies didn’t he? Silly kitty. Do you want to watch the footy with Daddy now?”

“Go Crows!”

“Good Girl! Don’t know if they’re gonna go too well tonight though unfortunately.”

Gees, Fyfe is killing us. Boy that kid can play, got in on a string tonight. We are all over the shop. This could get ugly.

Half time. Thank goodness for that. 20 odd points, could be a hell of a lot worse.

“Chloe bedtime”

“You tired Chlo? Righto then, off to bed”

Ahhhh that’s better, uninterrupted viewing. Not that there’ll be much to view on the first half form.

“Here you go”

“Good one! Thanks!”

Red wine, yes please. Now we’re in business.

Now the boys are firing up a bit, that’s better. Lynch you legend, keep it up mate. Gees he’s come along way this year. Fyfe is just tearing us a new one though, this really is a tough ask.

Ouch, that one hurts. Freo really know how to choke the life out of a game of football. Clog things up, wait for the mistake, kill them with the turnover. Not pretty but I guess it works, especially against teams like Adelaide.

Still in it at three quarter time, looks to be a long shot though. Slinky Malinki’s finals door is creaking shut. Freo are really looking the goods this year, well balanced and know how to keep the game on their terms.

Gee this is a weird game, it feels like Adelaide are doing okay but the scoreboard doesn’t say it. Could be something to do with the fact that WE CAN’T KICK STRAIGHT! Lynchy how did you miss that? That will teach me for giving you a wrap. 30 metres out on the set shot, forwards shouldn’t miss those. We’re having all play here at the moment but couldn’t hit the side of a barn with a handful of wheat.

And there it is, only a matter of time before Freo got an opportunity and actually kicked it. That’s how it’s done Adelaide.

Is that Jenkins? Yep, he looks like he’s in trouble. Replay -ouch, that look like it hurt.  A lot of pain on his face, serious, a break maybe. Gees the footy gods have not shined on us at all this year. Last year everything went right, this year everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.

“You’re much calmer watching football these days Ben”

“Yeah, not worth getting worked up about a game”

Reluctant acceptance of the inevitable is all that is. The collected works of Slinky Malinki might get a run instead of the footy next time, bed time or not. At least that cat has a bit of spunk about him.


FREMANTLE      3.2   6.5   9.8  11.9 (75)                   

ADELAIDE          2.4   2.6   5.9   7.11 (53)        



Fremantle: Fyfe 4, Walters 2, Mayne 2, de Boer, Clarke, Hill

Adelaide: Lynch 2, Vince, Thompson, Henderson, McKernan, Lyons



Fremantle: Fyfe, Johnson, Hill, Barlow, Neale, Walters, Clarke

Adelaide: Sloane, Crouch, Thompson, Lynch, Henderson, Vince


Umpires: Donlon, Dalgleish, Kamolins

Official crowd: 28,765 at Patersons Stadium


3 votes – N Fyfe

2 votes – R Sloane

1 vote – S Hill


About Ben Footner

I'm tragic Crows fan, avid lawn bowler, public librarian and father of 2 little kiddies. Sometimes I also find time amongst all that to squeeze out the occasional article for the Almanac.


  1. Kath Presdee says

    Slinki Malinki was also apt this week given the escape by Port:

    “What was he up to? At night, to be brief
    Slinky Malinki turned into a THIEF”

  2. Ben Footner says

    Ha! Good one Kath.

    The odd act of thiefery is a right of passage down Port Adelaide way. ;-)

  3. Peter Schumacher says

    As a supporter of the ABV club I am starting to distinctly dislike Freo

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