AFL Round 18 – Collingwood v Adelaide: A game in 33 questions

Settling down to the football on the TV in Adelaide I expected answers. These are the sort of games the Crows have been losing all season (see Carlton and Essendon). Given Gold Coast’s Garryless collapse, the winner of this game would likely play finals – the loser likely not. While we answered those sorts of questions as the game progressed, much like the oft referenced Hydra, more questions kept popping up.

1st Quarter

Jacobs to Crouch at the opening bounce – with Thompson out is this Adelaide’s midfield future?

Macaffer goes to Sloane – does Collingwood consider Sloane is the Crows’ most influential player or does Macaffer just not match up well on Dangerfield?

White goals then drops the next one and gets falconed the next – is this the ‘White ratio’?

The umpires make the Crows pay for inaccuracy by giving Pendles one directly in front. Meanwhile Jaensch kicks a monster as Marley Williams cuddles Eddie Betts in the square. Talia saddles up Cloke for a turnover and Betts puts the Crows in front – is footy really a funny game or is it just deadset baffling?

Martin wins the ball and releases Smith – on current form is this the best Brodie combo ever?

Betts winning the ball is greeted with boos – do Collingwood people dislike Eddie because he played for Carlton or is it because he is now challenging to be the person you think of when someone says ‘Eddie’?

Crows up by 17 at quarter time – how much more should it be?

2nd Quarter

Dangerfield wins the ball out in the open – will they really leave him unchecked all game?

A Crows player gets done for throwing. Gerard Healy calls it a ‘Crow throw’ – is any throw by a Crows player a ‘Crow throw’?

Clinton Young collects Brodie Smith in the head giving away a fifty and goal – will he lose games for that or just this one?

Jack Frost gets wrong footed. Dwayne Russell breaks out ‘Frosty the slow man’ – how long had he been holding onto that one? Was it worth it?

The Crows hit the post for the fourth time – is there a greater distance between the goal posts at Adelaide Oval?

Ben Reid looks a bit slow and clumsy – did he come back a week early?

Sam Jacobs continues to dominate in ruck and Smith across half back. Crows up by 16 at half time – will SA mobilise the troops if they are not All Australians?

3rd Quarter

Umpire yells ‘Harry stay out’ – who was he talking to?

Broomhead continues to show promise – is he aware that his name was an insult in Degrassi Junior High?

A horrible turnover from Wright leads to Cloke’s first goal – how badly does Talia resent that going on his tally?

Pendlebury has prior opportunity, is tackled and throws it away, play on – is he more or less protected than the bilby?

Ad break – am I the only one who wishes ill towards the natural gas guy?

JPod’s brain explodes live on TV as he completely misses his second attempted round the body set shot – will people please stop kicking set shots around the body?

Wright gets a free for a high tackle and then misses the shot – is never lifting your head up after taking possession the same as ducking?

The ball smacks JPod in the head, there have been so many falcons in this game – by how much is the falcon the most meaningful contribution of rugby league to Australian rules football, compared to Folau and Hunt?

Crows by 11 at three quarter time – will they pay for their inaccuracy?

4th Quarter

Cloke kicks two straight early in the last. The Pies are in front – if Cloke’s straight kicking won it for Collingwood would that be real irony or Alanis Morissette irony?

In between Cloke’s two, Beams gets one – if you put blindfolds on the Collingwood players and dropped them in a field would the minor additional weight of the tatt sleeves on one arm cause them to walk around in circles?

Lynch drops a chest mark 10m out – just where is he at?

Mitch Grigg does a lot in the last quarter including an incredibly brave mark with the flight – did he do enough for a start or is he the new super sub?

Macaffer tackles Sloane again before he takes possession – why is that not a free every single time?

Tex’s match sealers greeted with surprisingly loud roars – just how many Crows fans were at the ‘G? Are we more used to twilight games?

Dangerfield goes down – have prayer services been announced for his knee?

Crows by 16 points – did that game tell us more about Adelaide or Collingwood?

Collingwood        3.0       5.4       8.8       12.10     (82)
Adelaide   5.5       7.8       9.13   14.14   (98)

Goals  Collingwood: Cloke 3; White, Beams 2; Pendlebury, Elliott, Martin Witts, Blair. Adelaide: Walker 3; Betts, Smith, Douglas 2; Jaensch, Martin, Sloane, Podsiadly, Mackay.
Best     Collingwood: Beams, Sidebottom, Lumumba, Pendlebury. Adelaide: Smith, Dangerfield, Crouch, Sloane, Jacobs, Talia.

Umpires           Farmer, Stevic, Armstrong.   crowd 41,482

Our votes       Smith (Adel.) 3, Dangerfield (Adel.) 2, Beams (Coll.) 1.

About Dave Brown

Upholding the honour of the colony. "Play up Norwoods!"


  1. Good job Dave. It was a great game, and your questions are excellent.

    I reckon our Brodies are as good as any. Smith must be in All Australian contention.

    One of the mercies of living in Singapore is it being a NGGFZ (Natural Gas Guy Free Zone). Although I only see him a couple times a year when home, I’ve anticipated the headline

    Natural Gas Guy’s TV Career Over After Entire Film Crew Frack Him.

    Do you think Dennis gave Dwayne ‘Frosty the slow man’ for his birthday?

    Talia’s job on Cloke was outstanding.

    Well done.

  2. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Hey Lord, don’t ask me questions (all good ones Dave), ain’t no answers in me.

    But I’ll re-pose my question from Sunday night

    “Do Adelaide-based Collingwood supporters belong to the Fleurieu Piecart Society?”

    As Dwayne is now recycling his Jack Frost material, I’m going a bit cold on him too. It would be nice if Jack was moved up front in the last quarter to see if he could ice the game.

  3. Malcolm Ashwood says

    Great stuff , Browny love the , Brodie’s line , sure it will be the last game , Danger is not heavily tagged in . Having done numerous coaching clinics with , D Tahlia he would have been filthy with , Wrights error the consummate professional and is v good with kids . Re Lynch still not sure re our balance with four tall forwards and he is not making his spot secure . Funny how re such a inconsistent side we have , 4 players with undeniable claims
    Collingwood have drafted and are building a side to have a crack at a flag in 3 yrs will drafting , Scharenberg before , Aish help or hinder that cause ?
    Thanks Browny

  4. Malcolm Ashwood says

    Sorry Tahlia is the consummate professional and we have , 4 players with undeniable claims re , All Australian

  5. Matt Brown says

    A couple of answers:
    1. Tagging Sloane: pre game interview with collingwood assistant coach – can’t remember who – suggested that they theory was danger will get 25 good touches no matter what whereas with sloane’s hard work based style you have some chance with a run with role.
    2. Natural gas guy: gilberton residents are continually disappointed that Jedi mind powers seem incapable of causing natural gas guy to spontaneously explode when he appears on TV.

  6. Dave Brown says

    Thanks all

    Yes, Mickey would be nice if Natural Gas guy fracked off (in the Battlestar Galactica use of the word, of course). Dwayne should leave it to Dennis – the delivery lacked conviction.

    Thanks for the introduction to Graham Parker, Swish. Might have to download Howlin’ Wind and the Parkerilla for a listen. And to answer your question (nice one BTW), if not they should be.

    The Scharenberg / Aish question is a good one RB. I don’t know is the short answer. I’m clearly a tad biased but Aish is a guaranteed quality player as he has demonstrated. Scharenberg is quality but needs to overcome injuries.

    Matt, Collingwood is welcome to leave Dangerfield alone in all future matches. Surely as they saw on Sunday night Sloane’s workrate will guarantee him a reasonable amount of the pill, while Dangerfield, given enough space, will hurt you. Continue trying with those Jedi tricks – never know your luck.

  7. OldBlueStager says

    I’m not sure whether the term “Crow throw” was (or is) in common currency, but I recall the same Gerard Healy (circa 1993) making reference to it and applauding the slick handball used by Adelaide in that period.
    My recollection is that the Victorian attitude to the SANFL in that era was of highly skilled players but perhaps slightly wanting for physical and mental toughness. Only the most blind pro-Victorians doubted the genius of Darren Jarman, Sticks Kernahan, Craig Bradley, John Platten not to mention the incomparable Blighty. The handpass barely distinguishable from a throw was a feature of that skilled ball movement.
    So that suggests questions 34 and 35:
    Has Gerard Healy copyrighted the term crow throw?
    Is there any justification for my characterisationVictorian attitudes to SA football and footballers in the previous paragraph?

  8. 36. Who Cares?

  9. Dave Brown says

    Good additional questions OBS and PB. The crow throw question was asked somewhat tongue in cheek – I was really just having a dig at Healy for using a specific term for something more generic. Much like calling any popular band a supergroup.

    There’s no doubt that the South Australian players of the time were more highly skilled (let’s just forget about Sticks’ kicking for the time being) but inferior physical specimens. The crow throw presumably then was a combination of resentfulness and legitimate concern about the technique that probably hasn’t been seen done with great proficiency since Andrew Jarman hung up the long sleeves. I’d be surprised if it belonged to Gerard, might be a bit old for that.

Leave a Comment