AFL Round 16: Shaggy Cats blow away Dees in first quarter

By Josh Barnstable
Geelong v Melbourne
Geelong 2nd, Melbourne 15th
Geelong with a two-game losing streak
Melbourne with a two-game winning streak

The above is something no one in the footy world would have thought possible. But will Melbourne extend both teams’ streaks to three?

Celebrating Geelong’s 150th birthday, the Cats wear a slightly altered guernsey with the names of every Geelong player to have played in the blue and white hoops, even the dud players like Henry Playfair and Matthew McCarthy. Tom Harley is also celebrating his 31st birthday and he funnily enough he is a late exit from the Geelong side, with Tom Gillies coming in. Channel Ten also introduce a female commentator, Kellie Underwood, into the box, something they trialed with in the NAB Cup. Only five minutes in and she has made two mistakes. At least women are getting a go in footy.

The first quarter starts and Joel Selwood is surprised to see his kick from 65 metres out go through the big sticks on the bounce with the aid of a strong breeze. Mathew Stokes receives a free kick and goals, then takes a mark and kicks his second to extend the lead out to 3 goals. Harry Taylor kicks a long goal on the run near the boundary line, again thanks to the wind, and then goals to Andrew Mackie, Paul Chapman and Simon Hogan see the quarter time margin out to a massive 44 points, 7.4 to 0.2. Darren Milburn is on 10 touches for the Cats while Cam Bruce is on 8 for the Dees. Mum notes that a lot of the Geelong players have shaggy hair (Mooney, Ling, Mumford etc.) She says that the players probably have the same powers as Samson, a servant of God. Samson has tremendous strength but is rendered weak after his long hair is cut, resulting in his death.

The second quarter starts and Ricky Petterd goals after some great vision by Liam “The Cougar” Jurrah. Matthew Bate goals from long range and then the Cougar gets a goal of his own after crumbing a pack, slicing the margin to 29 points. Goals to Gary Ablett and Mackie see the margin out to 43 points at half time, 9.9 to 3.2. Joel Selwood is on 19 possessions while Petterd is on 15.

The third quarter begins and Ablett marks and goals to take the margin out to 49 points. Lynden Dunn goals on the run and then Brent Moloney gets his toe to the ball on the goal line, reducing the deficit to 38 points. Tom Hawkins takes time out from his ruck duties and goals while down forward, and then forgotten Geelong speedster Kane Tenace goals from 50m out. Bate goals from 40m out but a pair of goals to Travis Varcoe sees the margin out to 58 points. A goal after the siren to Cale Morton sees the margin reduced to 52 points at three quarter-time, 7.3 to 14.13. Ablett is up to 26 possessions for the Cats while Brad Green is on 22 for Melbourne.

The final quarter gets underway and Shannon Byrnes snaps a goal from the forward pocket before Melbourne get on a roll, with Bate kicking his 3rd from 70m out, Morton snapping his 2nd from the boundary line and then marking from an opposition kick to kick his 3rd. The Cougar then kicks his 2nd after a good mark followed by a good kick from 50m, cutting the margin to 34 points. Hogan marks, plays on and goals on the run for the Cats and a final goal to Stokes after an obvious free kick sees the margin out to 46 points as the final siren blows, 17.15.117 to 11.5.71.

Geelong are back on the winner’s list for the first time since Round 13 on the back of yet another 40-possession game from Ablett and the usual games from Selwood and Chapman. But if not for that first quarter that saw the Cats blow the Demons away to lead by 44 points, Melbourne would have lost by just 2 points, so that proves the Demons were competitive, and that’s all Dean Bailey and the fans could ask for.

Geelong 7.4—9.9—14.13—17.15 (117)
Melbourne 0.2—3.2—7.3—11.5 (71)


Geelong-Stokes 3, Ablett 2, Hogan 2, Mackie 2, Varcoe 2, Chapman, Taylor, Tenace, Selwood, Byrnes, Hawkins

Melbourne-Morton 3, Bate 3, Jurrah 2, Dunn, Petterd, Moloney


Geelong-Ablett, Selwood, Chapman, Scarlett, Hogan, Milburn, Corey

Melbourne-Morton, Green, Moloney, Jones, Jurrah


21,160 at Skilled Stadium


3: Gary Ablett (G)
2: Joel Selwood (G)
1: Cale Morton (M)


  1. Danielle says

    Nice work!
    i was really excited to hear Kellie Underwood’s comments, but i had to keep reminding myself that i was watching footy not netball!
    as for the Geelong jumpers, tolerable i suppose.
    i cant believe the North game was a draw!
    so annoying!!

  2. Damian Watson says

    At least Kelli Underwood has improved since the NAB Cup.
    During the Geelong v Adelaide match in February she barely showed any emotion at all in her commentary and that is a cardinal sin in my opinion if you are calling a game.

    She was better this time around.
    I think she is calling two more games for the season both involving Geelong.

  3. Josh Barnstable says

    No disrespect to Kelli but she was incredibly biased towards Geelong. Did anyone else notice or is it just me?

  4. Steve Healy says

    I agree Josh.

    If she wants to make her way through as a commentator she needs to call some games that don’t involve Geelong.

    But to be fair, she has spent time calling on K-Rock, which only broadcasts Geelong games, so she’d be used to being biased.

  5. Damian Watson says

    It would make sense. I was at the Carlton game so I didn’t see much of it.
    I think she is a Geelong supporter. She is calling the Cats game next week against Hawthorn and the week after against Adelaide.

  6. Josh Barnstable says

    Yeah she is a Geelong supporter. Good on her for getting in the commentators box though. She needs to learn from the masters though. Steven Quartermain never favours the Hawks in his commentary and James Brayshaw seems to actually be biased towards the other team when North Melbourne are playing, as do every other commentator in the game.

    At least she gave The Cougar/Walpiri Wizard/Jurrah Train/LJ the wind up he deserves. What a star he will be.

  7. Steve Healy says

    I remember Eddie McGuire used to be guite biased towards Collingwood when he commentated on Channel 9.

    Anthony Hudson doesn’t show much support for Geelong either.

  8. Damian Watson says

    The late Clinton Grybas did well to hold his bias.
    Growing up he was a mad Collingwood supporter but as he called barely anybody knew which team he barracked for. And that is amazing considering he was a Collingwood supporter.

  9. Josh Barnstable says

    I remember listening to him with Rexy on 3AW. He was my favourite commentator at the time and was saddened by his death.

    I would like to hear your opinions about Robert Walls’ commentary. Kelli can stay in the box if she is keeping Walls out. He drives me mad!

  10. Damian Watson says

    I know this might sound like a typical Carlton comment but I don’t mind Wallsy.
    He is very opinionated and backs himself up with a good case and thats what we like to see in the media.
    The only flaw he has is becoming negative far too often.
    Clint was brilliant and its sad that a talent such as his has been cut short. I remember watching his funeral and the mood was so sombre.
    (He is an Eastern suburbs man too)

  11. Josh Barnstable says

    No one likes a commentary box of seriousness. There has to be an element of clowning around, and that’s what Walls doesn’t bring to the table. When Malcolm Blight and Matthew Lloyd did the expert opinions one match a few weeks ago they joked around a lot but still got there point across to the viewers. Walls seems to critizise the younger players too much and rarely says something nice. He also points out Fevola’s goalkicking actions every single bloody time 10 are doing a Carlton game!

  12. Damian Watson says

    I suppose Wallsy’s opinions are a little old-fashioned but don’t forget this man coached 4 clubs for over 15 years, one of them to a premiership so he does know his footy.
    But I agree he is a little to negative in the commentary box.

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