AFL Round 16 – Port Adelaide v Essendon: Never Tear Us Apart




“Mate, have you get the tape deck?”

“You bet Kenny. INXS Greatest Hits”

“Fast fowarded to the right spot? They wanted ‘Never Tear Us Apart'”

“Yep!….Nope..wait…hang on…”

*Eject button is pressed, tape is spun around, tape is put back into player, three minutes of fast-forward*

“Yep. Good to go”

“Great. Got the Barossa reds?”

“Yeh mate”

“Super. The boys done their revolutionary ‘fartlek’ training? No one else is doing that you know. That’s why we run out last quarters you know.”

“Spot on Kenny. Good as gold. Doesn’t matter what the 3 quarter time score is”

“Good to hear. Who are we playing again?”

“Bombers Kenny”

“Ah that’s right! Poor blokes. Dropped Fletcher am I right? Watson out, Hibberd out. Daniher up forward, Goddard on the ball, Hooker down back. That’s them isn’t it? Anything else I need to know?”

“Sounds about right Kenny. We’ll smash them. I’m just worried about this INXS singalong”

“It’ll be fine mate. How good is the Adelaide Oval by the way?”


Hard to blame Kenny really.

Given the Bombers had only registered one victory against a top eight side all season (against the Roos in Round 1), it’s no wonder the Power had their mind on other matters.

Thankfully, with Winderlich and Stanton coming off half back and Carlisle and Hurley doing more swinging than a Frankston voter, the Dons were able to out-think and out-tackle their way to victory.

While it’s still unclear whether the loss of the ‘everyone’s 2nd favourite team’ tag to Gold Coast on the very same day was as galling as the actual defeat to the Dons, one can’t help but wonder whether the Power may just fade to black as the season goes on.

Regardless, I was keen to toast the victory and sincerely hoped that we could enjoy just a day of savouring such a magnificent win.

Alas, I had hoped for too much. Whilst all recent coverage of Essendon has involved everyone from Walkley Award winners to anyone else with an accreditation, the Sunday morning analysis of the game from the AFL’s host broadcaster was presented by Tom ‘Rocky’ Rockliff of the Brisbane Lions.

I can’t recall the first two of the ‘Three Things That (Tom) Learnt’ from the game, but I can sure as hell remember the third.

What did the Bombers do Tommy?

“Essendon really stiffled (yes, two effs) Port’s run”

…Look, nobody’s perfect, but sometimes these things get to you.

Doesn’t matter though. Wins can be savoured in other ways. My Foxtel IQ has accommodated the replay nicely. I might enjoy it with a Barossa red.

Never Tear Us Apart. Spot on Kenny.

About Andrew Else

Andrew has self-reported to this site as a lifetime Essendon supporter. He also played local footy for Lara and Melbourne Uni Blacks.


  1. Geez Andrew it’s getting hard to edit your pieces. Every time I start typing “Essen” into the tag field it defers straight to “drugs scandal”. Had to ring up the IT department to get the auto default function turned off.
    Congrats on a good win, and for your enduring grace under pressure. You could trouble a few sides in September if your ex coach stays in France.

  2. The People's Elbow says

    Port Adelaide win me over if they play Air Supply’s “All Out of Love” as the stands empty after a loss…

Leave a Comment