Haiku poets from all over the country and other pigeonholes on the planet came together once again in the annual celebration of footy and haiku for the 2022 AFL Grand Final Haiku Kukai. The kukai, which has now been running for 11 years, is the one day of the year when haiku nerds, expert and novice, turn their Zen minds to the rip-roaring, white-knuckle, roller-coaster experience of a footy match to produce a live haiku call of the Big Dance.
The return of the Grand Final to the MCG for the first time in three years meant that Melbournians could finally venture out and experience the game from somewhere other than the cushy grittiness of their isolation hubs. Being poets, however, that is where most of us remained ensconced, as we bunkered down and sharpened our collective pencils for the grand parade of football infatuation.
Grand Poo-bah, Haiku Bob, sent out the call to writers early in Grand Final week, giving them the opportunity to limber-up for the big match by setting the task of capturing some of the atmosphere of the build-up. Given the current footy climate, the response was a mix of humour and gravity, with the odd simple pleasure thrown in.
AFL final
a traitor to my nation
I ask who’s playing
Louise Hopewell
cats and swans
celebrate not being
lions or hawks
Bill Wootton
forecast—
rain and sunshine
only one winner
Coral Carter
Grand Final parade —
a magpie
in the ditch
Rob Scott
Aussies up in arms
about boats being turned back
grand final parade
Louise Hopewell
camellias fade
red and white blooms falling
toward grand final
Ian Gostelow
this is not
just a sport
shame
Derek Begg
Are we in for a
cataclysm or swansong
in this grand final?
Hamish Danks Brown
footy fever
elevated excitement
and high blood count
Carol Reynolds
Then it was time for the big day and as you can see from the haiku below, the range of voices and angles from our writers was matched only by the number of goals Geelong pounded through the big sticks. In a one-sided game which struggled to maintain the interest of (non-Geelong) spectators, haiku poets found another gear and kept flagging spirits at bay with a superb account of every minute of the game.
A big thank you to everyone for your contributions, especially to those of you calling in from unfriendly time zones. You make this a very special way to spend Grand Final day and I look forward to seeing you all again next year for the 12th Annual Grand Final Day Haiku Kukai!
Rob Scott
a cat on top
of his scratch pole
wattle sunshine
Myron Lysenko
morning rituals
butcher doing a brisk trade
time to mow the lawn
Mickey Randall
saturday arvo
third premiership cup
of coffee
Andrew Gigacz
motorcade
of past players
my aching knee
Rob Scott
GF countdown–
I dust the television
sharpen the haiku pencil
Coral Carter
car crash
middle of the road
entertainment
Myron Lysenko
Melbourne’s MCG
girt by fans
mumbling the anthem
Kim Jeffs
team photo —
I catch a glimpse
of my childhood
Rob Scott
my team not there
sadness —
and relief
Andrew Gigacz
opening bounce
kids screaming
on the trampoline
David Crosbie
Commentary starts
Hoping like hell that Taylor
Loses his voice
Smokie Dawson
Champagne o’clock —
young men
in shorts
Jade Pisani
First goal! – I’m eating
the first asparagus
of the season
Clem Byard
7 Plus is not working –
once a year I watch the footy
damn it
Rosemary Nissen-Wade
a cat waits
for another bird—
quarter time
Jade Pisani
Cats kick clear
the dog
leaves the room
Rob Scott
different in autumn
the only roar is a tractor
grey Swedish morning
Derek Begg
Hey Sydney the ball
is that red thing the Cats keep
Kicking through the sticks
Georgia Kennedy
Halftime scoreboard
The Cat flicks a turd
from the litterbox
Jen Worthington
half time
am I the only one
falling asleep?
Myron Lysenko
start of the third
same as the first
Swans misery
Craig Lincoln
Sun’s out
I mow the lawn
boring grand final
David Crosbie
Crimson rosellas feed
in the back yard
cats uninterested
Michael Robinson
Buddy is goal-less
his pinions are clipped. Meanwhile
every Cat can goal
Leanne Barron
final quarter
interminable game
dog is whining
Kim Jeffs
siren sounds
winners and losers
both cry
Coral Carter
grand final over
i restring
my guitar
David Crosbie
GEE whiz
the nightLONG hooray
of the CATS
Ravi Kiran
Red and white bleeding
onto William Barak Bridge
empty seats and hearts
Mickey Randall
Humble, broken man
Eddie Betts, I share your pain
Share now this victory
Marcus Holt
match over –
a flock of seagulls over
the football field
Tomislav Maretic
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About rob scott
Rob Scott (aka Haiku Bob) is a peripatetic haiku poet who calls Victoria Park home. He writes haiku in between teaching whisky and drinking English, or something like that.
Well done, David Crosbie. That bounce catches it. And thanks HB for helming again.
Nicely assembled, HB! Enjoyable stuff – mostly good fun, with the occasional more serious note.
Thanks again HB. Was a great event. And it kept me off the beers until the final siren! Probably not the literary approach Hemingway might’ve taken.