1986 – A Year With The Blacks Round 4: I’m Not Home Boz

May 3rd 1986: Round 4

A1 – Griff’s Grabagrannies Adelaide Uni 9.18 lost Greenacres 14.7 (Uni Oval)

Goalkickers: Burfield 3, Schulz 3, Gallagher 2, Huston

Best Players: James, Keynes, S Parker, Kenny, Antonello, Eckert

Uni failed to make the most of a howling gale from the Children’s Hospital End and were remarkably listless in the final stanza at Beautiful UO. To a man, they were out of legs, their feeble attempts at scoring yielding only a dozen rushed behinds due to kicks dropping short at the Jolley’s Boathouse end.

Moscow Olympian Bruce Keynes put in a big one and Mike Burfield, promoted from the A3s was dangerous in front of the sticks. Steve Parker was in the votes again and captain Mick Kenny finally did something returned to form.

As Griff scratched his amber noggin in the rooms afterwards, searching for reasons for the Blacks’ first loss, he wondered if he’d gone too hard too early with the Montefiore Hill runs during the week. He might have to Colonel Lighten the load he thought. Then he heard one of his charges, slumped against the last painted in 1953 walls, mutter “I hope Boz doesn’t turn up at my place again tonight”. “You too?”, murmured Michael Dadds. “I thought it was just me”, mused Nose Eckert.

Pretty soon the whole room was buzzing with tales of an unsettling spate of RBVs (Random Boz visits). Having by now established himself as Team Manager, Boz Maloney apparently felt comfortable turning up randomly at a player’s doorstep. The “just happened to be passing” explanation was uniformly applied, even to Sarge Schulz, who lived in a remote, isolated, distant hills hideaway. Upon arriving Boz would await the polite but insincere “Uh, oh, come in Boz”, and would then sit in their home, forever it seemed, until the lights were turned out.

Boz regaled them with his tales of mankading Young Maddern at Park 12, or just how much he liked the Barry Nicholls bloke from Kensington, or how he is perfecting his drink bottle filling technique and the optimum Bickford’s to water ratio, and how this differs on cold days and how hard it is to get a park at zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

This had a multi-fold effect. If you were on the receiving end of an RBV, a player could forget about a good night’s sleep, being kept up until well after the late movie with a gutful of West End, three pizzas that you had to go out and buy yourself and a couple of boxes of Burger Rings. Oh, and those pickled onions that had been waiting in the fridge since Bob Neil last washed his shorts. And even then Boz had outpaced you.

The next nights were just as bad. Once a player’s head had hit the pillow, every crunch of gravel or creak of verandah came with it the possibility that it was Boz causing the crunching or creaking, so any sleep was light, interrupted and fitful. Hardly the way to prepare for the rigours of A1 footy.


Got any more of those Cheezels?

Got any more of those Cheezels?

A comparison of players’ notes soon allowed an anti-RBV strategy to form, but he was resolute and cunning. Ultimately the entire club lived in fear of the RBV.


A8 – Glamour Side Adelaide Uni 22.17 def ANZ Bank 9.7 (cnr Glen Osmond and Greenhill Rds to be precise)

Goalkickers: Maddern 6, M Watson 5, Schultz 3, Egan 2, Singleton 2, Coleman, Dutschke, Kidd, Lelekis

Best Players: M Watson, Ashwood, Stewart, Coleman, Case, Kidd

I nipped down to the ANZ sporting headquarters somewhat by accident. I was on my way back from the Arkaba bottlo with a carton of each (West End and Viscount), when I saw Young Maddern remonstrating with the contents of a lime green Datsun 180B on Greenhill Road. I only stayed for a half-dozen long necks, so I’m not sure what happened after quarter time, but they seemed to have matters in hand against their body-shirted opposition, leaving them undefeated.

Next time get a lift with Rulebook - he's never late

Next time get a lift with Rulebook – he’s never late

Coach’s Notes – With three players brought in one car late for the game and McGregor Watson threatening to go “pperr” in the absence of his mouthguard, the Bullet loses more of his hair, bangs on the table and states that he won’t tolerate complacency. The driver of the errant car, Law student Peter Sybil Fawlty Kidd nods and apologises. He later confides that he doesn’t know what ‘complacency’ means.

A9 – Sty Council Adelaide Uni 30.22 def Mitcham 6.5 (Park 9)

Goalkickers: Leyland 7, Taylor 5, Goodwin 3, Schwerdt 3, Heath 2, Jones 2, Marinoff 2, Priest 2, Fahey, Forbes, G Pattison, Thomson

Best Players: Leyland, Goodwin, Heath, Richardson, Taylor, G Pattison

Adelaide College’s gift to the Sty Council, Wayne ‘Spaceman’ Forbes broke his Blacks goalscoring duck, overshadowing Mike ‘British’ Leyland’s effort from the flank. Four from four, Sty’s lot seem unbeatable.

I hear that the Council are getting a few mentions on morning radio, the FM station I think. Apparently one of them has a sister who is in the media a bit. Didn’t know that Anne Wills had a brother. I must do so more research for future weeks.


From the SAAFL Budget


Veal Gordon Bleu Agars

About Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt

Saw my first SANFL game in 1967 - Dogs v Peckers. Have only ever seen the Dogs win 1 final in the flesh (1972 1st Semi) Mediocre forward pocket for the AUFC Blacks (1982-89) Life member - Ormond Netball Club -That's me on the right


  1. Gordon – when did Jolley’s Boathouse transition from tea and scones to “Neddy’s on the Lake” chez trendy restaurant? It must have been after 1986 when you filed your match reports by binoculars from their verandah with a Penfolds in hand. Those were the days eh.

  2. Touche Gordon! The RBVs were utterly debilitating. It was like being consumed by a dementor from Harry Potter. You could feel the life oozing away and you were powerless to respond. Thank Goodness I lived in a share house in St Peters with a fellow who matched the Boz bore and, amazingly, upped him. He emerged, Lurch-like, from his room for special occasions only, for a small but priceless fee. Boz knew he’d met his match. Consequently ‘Noddy’s’ at 7th Ave suffered a single RBV only, and even then lights were out by 9. Boz must take full responsibility for the As’ round 4 form slump. Which had nothing. I repeat nothing. to do with one of the team having secured a position at the Institute Bar, which specialised in ‘student-priced’ drinks and big Friday nights.

  3. Incidentally I see Schwerdt was slippery around goals again. “Swish” they called him. Pfft. How did you rate him at this point in the season? And surely you will be attending the Blacks’ long lunch with Lingy and Hamish and large numbers of 86 veterans on Friday 13 May?

  4. Enjoying these Swish. Lots of colour and Adelaide references. These also remind me of Warrick Todd, and this is high praise.

    Love that the ANZ side is body-shirted. Brilliant.

  5. Rabid Dog says

    Wasn’t it Gordon’s brother who stated that : ‘Poor kicking is poor football.’? Or maybe Wally May?

  6. Jeff Milton says

    Swish pretty sure there were no ruckmen with the surname Wills in the Sty Council.

  7. BD and I once actually gave Boz a RBV. “saw the light on”….he was not impressed

  8. Great read – loved it.

  9. Love your ongoing ramblings Swish. Keep up the good work. By the way, the media exposure of the A9’s you refer to came from Anthony “Flop” Fulwood’s sister Anne. She was producing a radio show at the time and got right into the irreverent spirit of The Blacks and especially the “Sty Council” (much to the boy’s gratitude and amusement). Here’s another fascinating fact for the Gordon Agars’ Files, The 1986 A9 “Sty Council” T-shirt (designed by yours truly) was the first printed T-Shirt reference to the AUFC legend, Bob Neil. Andy “Sty” Fahey insisted that the 1986 A9’s were “Sponsored by Bob Neil” and this line was printed on the back of the team’s “Fat-Pig-on-a-chair” shirts. The photo of Chocka on a chair doing “Hold-your-Bowlies” at the Head in Rulebook’s brilliant Almanac article shows him wearing this very T-Shirt.

  10. Wally May is responsible for the quote about kicking and football, according to my recollection. And I seem to recall it was “bad kicking is bad football”. Seem also to recall he used to say if you can’t kick, you can’t play. He was before his time and would have had a field day with T. Chaplin!

  11. Malcolm Ashwood says

    The RBT could cost you a grand,your job etc a RBV could kill you.there are some fantastic stories re RBVs
    a guy injuring his ankle climbing out a back window upon spotting,Boz arriving.Another quickly turning off all the lights ignoring the constant doorbell ringing going to sleep waking up and boz still at the front door.i remember hearing about,Plug and BD turning up at his place and not being welcomed and in tears of laughter hearing the graphic description,absolute gold,Gordon thank you

  12. Gordon you are getting confused with the media connections. It was a long time back, but wasn’t it Mick Kenny’s girlfriend and a TV connection?

  13. Jeff Milton says

    No I think the media connection was Flop Fulwood’s sister, hence my earlier reference to a Sty Council Ruckman. She was certainly on Adelaide radio and national tv back in the 80s.

  14. Luke Reynolds says

    Very entertaining Swish, and I hardly know anyone Gordon is talking about…

  15. Gordon your work on this earth is not yet done…Waiting with baited breath for more glorious recollections of a bygone era.

    Whilst I was fortunate enough to escape RBV’s at Uni FC, time did catch up with me when he spent 3 or 4 years in the Public Service Waiting Room unceremoniously dumped at my workplace – nothing was ever quite as unnerving as having a huge shadow slowly cast upon ones desk then looking up to be greeted with strange heart rumblings, belching and the Boz leer. “Oh (F****) how are you Bob?”….”mmmm…….fair to muddling….did you hear that I ……………..”

    Dark days Gordon …Dark days I say….I am only now just coming out of it all.

  16. One of the lines of the year: living in fear of the crunching (of gravel) and creaking (of porch/veranda). Outstanding.

    What a club!

    Delighted Sam Harms has finally signed. Has he been (nick) named yet?

  17. Currently “Grievous bodily” JTH. Work in progress. Has struck a rich form vein in the B’s. Pressing for A grade debut bootlaces in coming weeks. Lovin it.

  18. Will be at Adelaide Oval on Friday night. Heading to the Lion (I believe) afterwards.

    Might have to get to Grievous Bodily’s game on Saturday. Or Adelaide Lutheran’s.

  19. GBH game at Goodwood 12:15. Blacks’ Long lunch at the boatshed Friday with Lingy? Shall I email details?

  20. Can confirm it was definitely Flop Fullwood’s sister- Anne. She was an inspiration to the team… well at least to me anyway!

  21. Simon Thomson says

    Yes, it was indeed Anne Fullwood- she was one of the morning presenters on SAFM. But there was a connection with Mick the snake Kenny which had something to do with a late night visit…………………..

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