Round 3 – Collingwood v St Kilda #AFLPiesSaints – hardly a ripple in any ‘verse

There was no Twitter for Collingwood and St Kilda’s first Big League encounter in round 3 1897. No radio, no Channel 7 or Foxtel, no AFL Media and no live blogging or internet streaming either. The only way of knowing the score was to follow beside the effluent tide down the smelly streets and laneways which led to Victoria Park. Otherwise, on Monday, a sharp eye might have detected a brief dispatch in The Argus mentioning the Pies’ 25 point win. A ripple in the universe, really.

Fast forward to round 3 2015 and these two generally mismatched combatants have provided little more than ripples ever since (save for a few big splashes). So not being one of the 45,197 braving the elements to witness their 216th clash was only mildly disconcerting. Holidaying in balmy Mooloolaba with its magnificent surf tends to take the edge off missing another ripple make its way across a frigid, rain-sodden MCG.

And as I alternated between the likes of Bruce, Hamish and Stevo on the box and the countless Twits on my phone, I pondered whether much has really changed. Supposed expert or mouthy extrovert – everyone’s on a level footing in the liberated digital age, just as they were on the Vic Park terraces 118 years ago. Only now there’s no physical backlash for ill advised banter.

With this in mind, rather than provide just one biased fool’s viewpoint from 1800km away, here’s a communal match review from the ground, the loungerooms and huts across the nation. I trust you’ll find it as illuminating as I did.

The enhanced AFL fan experience: firework smoke, so you can’t see a damned thing. @GregBaum

Absolute f**king rabble out there at the moment @Magpies005

Expecting any moment to see Stephen Patterson and Mark Orval out there. @GregBaum


You can’t pay that you muppet @stkildathunda

what a crappy 1/4 of footy @catbat_1

Absolutely frenetic 1st quarter. Exhilarating stuff from both sides @Wally_NMFC

No wonder Clokey missed, the free confused him @LefthandLiza

These clash jumpers definitely don’t clash. They sort of melt into each other so you can’t tell them apart. @TitusOReily

Did Travis Varcoe just slap Shane Savage in the face? @nickjduxson

Heard it all now: old mate behind me says Cloke isn’t worth his contract “because he’s -8 in supercoach scoring” in Qtr1 @foreverandadave

Pendlebury plays a lot like Bontempelli @frangamcghee

The cheers when Saints get a free kick will be like when they win their next flag. @lucasgarth

Is this game turning into a bit of a turkey? 46-78 at half time and 4678 is the postcode of Turkey Beach. @AndrewGigacz

Stop giving us free kicks, it’s weird. @magpie_fans

Watching Collingwood lead by this much at half time hurts my soul @ethanmillward

Varcoe is a massive flog @DarrenRistevski

Why does Bruce take 3 seconds to say “Schnneeeiiidderr”? @RoOSTA

Marley Williams is a massive flog @Alexander92DC

Schneider just blew snot on his wrist then wiped on his face @M_1tch

St Kilda seem to be fielding 2 forwards, 2 mids & 14 backs @ichymochek

Varcoe has more victims under his belt than the synthetic turf at Etihad Stadium. @sportsbetcomau

Cloke stinks @tdwilso92

David Parkin’s spit flying across at his players at 3/4 time #wouldbemoreaccuratethancloke @TonyC1963

Collingwood v St Kilda this week. Next week Richmond v Melbourne – how good is Friday night footy. @WillHillAus

Thrilled Lingy just answered Bruce’s 332nd rhetorical question tonight @darrenboyd01

You’d think that at least one c**t would mention the f**king score for a c**t like me who can’t listen to or see the game. @Todd_Nipplefrog

@SP_10 would you like an Oscar? Everyone now knows you #dive. Hand back your #brownlow you’re an embarrassment @fuzi_logic

No branch of science is able to explain Travis Cloke @26_dollars

Thank God for Armo @HelenTmc

Typical Armitage. Cherry Picking. @Boomer_Magpies

I’m boycotting every company that advertises using those stupid light displays. @onyapatto

Tonight’s umpiring has been nothing short of catastrophically abysmal. @Uncle_Barrels

Whoever scheduled #AFLPiesSaints on a Friday night is stuck in 2010. @audreyes92

Collingwood 66-25 inside forward 50 after quarter time @CorbinMiddlemas

Cloke from 15 metres = Greg Norman. Cloke from 55 metres = Larry Mize @craigeyles

we won fckn yes @peachydimples

Elliott: “I definitely held that mark!” @3AWisfootball

Really liked Jack Crisp’s game. He gets to a lot of contests and he has some nice size about him. @RohanCT

Already ordered the DVD of that one. @TitusOReily

Thank the lord that’s over @jezinkew

Now to attempt the Richmond station cattle crush @Mattys12

So there you have it, Pies v Saints 2015.  Still not much of a ripple in the universe, nor the Twitterverse for that matter.

Collingwood 6.3 12.6 16.10 21.14 (140)
St. Kilda 6.2 7.4 8.6 10.6 (66)

Collingwood: Cloke 5, Elliot 4, Dwyer 2, Varcoe, Crisp, Swan, Broomhead, Gault, White, Grundy, Blair, Oxley
St. Kilda: Bruce 2, Armitage 2, Roberton, Saad, Geary, Sinclair, Steven, Membrey

Collingwood: Swan, Pendlebury, Elliot, Grundy, Cloke, Broomhead
St. Kilda: Armitage, Steven, Newnes, Roberton, Dunstan

Umpires: Fisher, Mollison, Nicholls

Crowd: 45,197

Votes: Swan 3 (Coll), Grundy 2 (Coll), Broomhead 1 (Coll)

About Jeff Dowsing

Washed up former Inside Sport and Sunday Age Sport freelancer. Now just giving my stuff away to good homes. Not to worry, still have my health and day job. Published & unpublished works fester on my blog Write Line Fever.


  1. Luke Reynolds says

    Wish Pendles had a Brownlow to hand back…..

  2. Excellent timeline, JD.

    Twitter is an interesting social phenomenon.
    I’ve found footy a bit fast for interactions (or even comments).
    But cricket seems the perfect sporting vehicle for it.

  3. Very entertaining JD, You provided me more info on Twitter than I ever wanted to know. Some is witty and clever, but I’d prefer to have a life and make my own judgements.

  4. Ha Luke, let’s hope @fuzi_logic proves a visionary.

    I’m with you there David, cricket & Twitter is a better match.

    I was initially drawn into Twitter Peter because it was part of my job. It serves a purpose and it can be a valuable tool, despite the tools. There were certainly many tweets pertaining to certain players that were totally unsuitable for publication!

  5. DBalassone says

    A unique report JD, but I think an obvious theme has been missed on the twittersphere: that performance by St Kilda was absolutely Pathetic with a capital P. Don’t give me the young team defence for the Saints – I reckon Collingwood’s lineup was just about the most inexperienced I have seen (which, I think, is what GregBaum was hinting at with his tweet). St Kilda were disgraceful, no two ways about it, I have never seen so many dropped marks – yes it was wet I know, but cripes that was bloody awful.

  6. Agree Damian – St Kilda’s performance (or lack thereof) was completely overshadowed by the plethora of tweets claiming an umpiring conspiracy against them, sooking about Elliot’s ‘mark’ and voracious character assassination of the Travs – Cloke (who apparently is the worst player in the history of football) and Varcoe.

    Given a bit more time I might have found a few more gems in the stream. My eyes started glazing over by 11pm.

  7. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    We’re fortunate that we can’t smell Twitter because I reckon it would resemble the pong of the Collingwood Flat in the 1890s.

    Kids are showing promise. J.Elliott is a rare talent.

  8. Snifter eh? Only a matter of time Phil. I should get a patent on that.

    Was a good game for the kids to build confidence. ANZAC Day will be a learning curve.

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