Almanac Footy Language: One cliché at a time

 

 

I’m always fascinated how one gets ideas for blogs. This time a friend, Allan Pearce, mentioned over coffee after a ‘Sprocket Rocket’ (Barossa Valley’s social cycling and coffee-ing club) ride that he was writing down some clichés used in a broadcast of Aussie rules footy. He wrote me a short piece using some of these.

I began to edit Allan’s prose until I couldn’t resist adding my bit. Then, after talking to Larry Krieg on another ‘Sprocket Rocket’ ride, he suggested even more clichés. We hope you enjoy the following team effort.

 

Sprocket Rockets: Allan Pearce, Larry Krieg and Andy Thurlow

 

One game (cliché) at a time …

It’s the sport we love … one cliché at a time!

Two teams, who have chosen to be either animals or birds, ‘have trained the house down’, ‘never been fitter’, are ‘all set’, ‘know the game plan’, ‘leaving no stone unturned’. ‘The siren sounds’, ‘the ball bounced in the middle’ and, ‘after a slow build up’, the contestants are beginning to ‘read the game’.

The better players are ‘having an absolute field day’, ‘leather poisoning’, their ‘names written all over the ball’. Standing ‘front and square’, they are soon ‘on fire’, ‘delivering spears’ (and not trying to ‘kick the cover off the ball’), ‘chipping it around’, ‘selling some candy’, with plenty of ‘don’t argues’.

‘A jam-packed forward line’ and ‘forward pressure’ means ‘packs’, ‘crumbs’, and ‘hard ball gets’ to suit the ‘in-and-unders’ who are ‘up and about’ and ‘here to play’.

Competitors ‘wrap up players’, ‘arms pinned’, careful of a ‘slinging action’, ‘chicken wing tackle’, ‘coat-hangers’ and anything ‘head high’.

‘Perceived pressure’ creates ‘clangers’, and some are ‘just bombing long’, ‘kicking grubbers’, ‘missing tackles’ and ‘getting caught with the ball’ (having had ‘prior opportunity’). Offenders ,‘with tails between legs’, are sent ‘to sit on the pine’.

The crowd yells simultaneously ‘holding the ball’, ‘holding the man’, ‘dropping it’, and ‘in the back’. ‘The umpire’s put the whistle away’. ‘Ball up’ is the call. Cliches become coarse, crude, crass and other C-words.

It’s ‘stoppages’, ‘stacks on the mill’ and ‘aerial ping-pong’ until ‘a ball magnet’, ‘who’s won ‘Charlie’, ‘doesn’t duck the chutney’, or ‘hear footsteps’, ‘stops the bleeding’ and ‘turnovers’, ‘going back with the flight’, ‘reads the Sherrin’, ‘clunks the pill’, ‘takes a blinder’, ‘a screamer’, ‘turns on the afterburners’, ‘plays through the corridor’, ‘the guts’, ‘the spine’ (not ‘the fat side’), ‘lowers the eyes’, and a ‘worm burner’, ‘daisy cutter’, ‘centimetre perfect’, ‘forward entry’, ‘hits up’ the ‘full forward’ ‘on the chest’. From ‘point blank range’, ‘with tail in the air’, ‘he ‘shoots the lights out’. ‘Coast to coast’.

‘After the siren’, with ‘the last roll of the dice’ and ‘to get their noses in front’, our ‘Charlie’ winner, ‘high up in the Seiko’, ‘who’s brought his own ball’, ‘with kicking boots on’, ‘rules out the barrel’, ‘lines up’ from ‘deep in the pocket’ to ‘check-side’ for the win. It’s a ‘mongrel punt’, (not a ‘perfect launch’), ‘a ball burster’, which ‘caught by the wind’, slowly ‘bananas’, misses ‘the woodwork’ and ‘splits the middle’.

‘Goal review?’ ‘All clear’. ‘A sausage roll’. His team has ‘won the chocolates’. ‘High fives’, ‘Stacks on!’ Euphoria. Handshakes.

That’s ‘the rub of the green’. ‘A win’s a win’. ‘The cellar dwellers’ have ‘brought it to the table’ with ‘numbers around the ball’, playing ‘contested footy’, ‘slice and dice’, ‘run and carry’ and ‘chaos ball’ have ‘left it all on the ground’, ‘won ugly’ and are ‘over the moon’, but their coach tells his players to ‘keep a lid on it’. ‘Just another game’. They all go to the clubrooms for the club song and ‘a few tinnies’.

It’s the sport we love … one cliché at a time!

 

 

Some of you, more probably from South and Western Australia, will recognised the name Larry Krieg.

 

 

Larry started his footy career with Minlaton Colts and moved to Adelaide to study. He played for Unley High in the morning and Sturt 3rds in the afternoon. He played SANFL, firstly with Sturt (mainly Seconds with a handful of League games in the latter part of 1970), and then with Woodville. In between and afterwards, he played at Minlaton, Solomontown and Carey Park (WA). Along the way Larry won many B&Fs, Premierships and a Mail Medal. He was in the Sturt League squad in the lead up to the 1970 finals but tore a hamstring at training a week before the finals.

 

 

I’m afraid that Allan and I only dreamt of SANFL medals and premierships.

Allan played some footy at school, but his main sports are squash, volleyball, table tennis and cycling. His other love is gliding (formerly instructing and cross country).

Like Allan, I played some schoolboy footy, but my sports were tennis, hockey, and volleyball. My footy career is documented in https://www.footyalmanac.com.au/almanac-life-but-what-will-i-tell-john/ The John is JTH, who now lives just up the road. Take care!

 

Images courtesy of Andy Thurlow and Larry Krieg.

 

To read more by Andy Thurlow click HERE.

 

To return to our Footy Almanac home page click HERE.

 

Our writers are independent contributors. The opinions expressed in their articles are their own. They are not the views, nor do they reflect the views, of Malarkey Publications.

 

Do you enjoy the Almanac concept?

And want to ensure it continues in its current form, and better? To help things keep ticking over please consider making your own contribution.

 

Become an Almanac (annual) member – click HERE.