Round 3 – The Pre-Wrap

Ciad Mile Failte.

And what a week it’s been in Footy Eddie. Staff at The Club That Dare Not Speak Its Name – after Doctor Danke Schoen revealed that the spread sheet of his injection program must have gone missing somewhere between Whingy Hill & Melrose Drive – have been search the laneways and parklands in that region. Some have even been seen collecting doggy poo in the hope of finding some ink-stained faeces. They’ll do whatever it takes to get to the bottom of this mess, won’t they?

The word disintegrated was used to describe the whereabouts of the evidence. A word that would equally describe ASADA’s crumbling case against the EFC.

Isn’t Hindsight a wondrous thing Wrappers? So wondrous in fact that we’re going to have to have the Wrap 2015 Hindsight Ladder. That’s right, with the beauty of hindsight we’re going to reframe the end of Season Ladder for 2015.

THE HINDSIGHT LADDER

1. Hawthorn – The Squawkers will be there again; make no mistake. They slipped up against The Peptides, but they won’t be the only ones. They came back from six goals down and may have just fallen sleep a little in the closing stages. That breakout that led to the Essendon revival came from too much Hawthorn finessing. (You saying from Tommy to Sheeds to Hird the word has been passed down Wrap? – Ed) Kick it long to Hurley every time Ed. In a long season with only one bye depth will count. And The Squawkers have that in spades.

2. Sydney – The Swans will be there of course. Big bodies up forward, something to prove and an experienced and balanced side. When they get serious they’re positively awesome. Long season may be a threat, but that applies to most teams.

3. Fremantle – They are a team on a mission. Love him or hate him, Rossy Lyon knows how to get the job done. Crowley may not be as missed as much you would expect. And Ballantyne will have to curb his instincts. But the rest of them may rage against the fading of the light. Strong in the middle.

4. Essendon – The Scum are BIT. Not sure what they’re on this season but it seems to be working. Shown a tendency to fade after having last year’s Grand Finalists on toast. May have been lucky against the Hawkers, but you make your own luck in this caper. Showing every sign that they will be a force with this list and coaching panel. (It must have wrenched your guts to have to write that Wrap – Ed) Not as much as it’s going to be to have to write ‘we were wrong’ later in the season Oh Tactile Twister of Tense.

5. Adelaide – New bladder, new lace, new cover, otherwise it’s the same old Pride of South Australia. Bigger than Texas, the sleeping giant has woken. Big call, but the Mad Abbott has said this is the year of Big Ideas. Will revel in being Head Prefect in the City of Churches.

6. North Melbourne – Can’t shake off that feeling about The Kangaroos. If they gave points for inconsistency the McClelland Trophy would be a matter of put down your glasses. Depth is also a problem at Arden Street, and you can only travel so far on Shinboner Spirit.

7. Port Adelaide – So far they’ve shown all the signs of a 2014 hangover, but as one correspondent pointed out through the week, even though they frightened the life out of The Mayblooms last September and walloped The Tigers the fortnight before, they’ve lost 10 of their last 16 matches. It’s five minutes to midnight and the glass slipper is about to come off.

8 Richmond – Another Fairy Tale Team. On their day they can really turn it on, but like The Tigers of the Last 35 years, they still make too many errors and once this happens they either get run over or go back into their shell, which ensures a similar result. On current form will need to get their mojo back pronto if they’re going to make any serious impact this season. Lack of depth a big worry but enough raw talent to make it through to September. Will really need to do it for the Gipper.

9. West Coast – One of the hardest teams to read. Have the talent but over the first two rounds haven’t been consistent enough for ours. Beating up on The Miseries at home and OTR doesn’t count for much. All that having been said, they could go one or two better with a bit of luck.

10. Geelong – The Handbags have got off to a shocker. The last time they lost their first two matches the Ford factory was rostering shifts, the Point Henry Smelter was running around the clock and Pyramid was a mum & dad building society. We’ve given them the benefit of the doubt and put them above The Doggies, but there are signs that The Moggies may be in serious decline. Corey Enright is picked on reputation and some of the other veteran group are looking very vintage. Old bodies feel the bruises something shocking. The Geelong Football Factory’s output is matching that of Alcoa and Ford, and the Coach must be worried on a couple of fronts as those icy Winter winds sweep down the Geelong Arm and swallow Flat Town.

11. Footscray – These next two are difficult to split. The Sons of The West are out of the box and off to a flyer. They’re playing with the spirit and gusto of a few years back when Rocket had them kicking mammoth scores. Will they be able to keep it up? We’re say they will. They’ve got a good mix of youth and youth. They’ve lopped off the deadwood and fear no one. Investors would do well to closely watch this undervalued stock.

12. Collingwood – The Pies are going through a horror stretch right now. Drug scandals, injuries to key personnel and a coach under pressure. Nevertheless, SOTG will have noticed more steely resolve than resignation in Figjams demeanour. They’ll battle on and will even worry a few sides should they be taken lightly, but no September Glory and the R word will be mentioned more than once through proceedings during 2015.

13. The Greater Western Sydney Giants – The Orangemen are on the move. They may not go far, but it will be all upwards. They may have been stiff against The Felling Faints, but they stormed home against The Fuchsias. Are in much better shape than their Experiment Rivals up in Bananaland.

14. St Kilda – The mooted shift back to their Spiritual Home has been a wonder drug down at Eel Race Road. Playing like a team that wants to play. Those who took them for the Coveted Sylvan Shield have done their dough cold. Starting from a low base, but there are some very healthy signs.

15. Carlton – The Silvertails have been a slow motion train wreck since the turmoil of easing Black Jack Elliot out of the driving seat. Is this is the season when they finally run off the rails? Mick seems determined to ensure that they do. Plenty of advice from ex-players, the media and, we suspect pretty soon, the supporter base. (Those that haven’t wandered off to the Ammos – Ed) We’re predicting that Season 2015 is going to be ground zero for The Only Team All Carlton Knows.

16. Brisbane – haven’t shown any signs of getting out of getting out of the Cellar. May settle down towards the end of the season, but look decidedly undermanned.

17. Melbourne – The Dees are back to their good old selves. Their rise against The Suns proved to be a false dawn. Their implosion against The Giants more like their true form. Long way to go yet, but this is their 3rd year under The Consultant, and it may just be that they rally need a coach.

18. The Meter Maids – Hard not feel they may have pulled the wrong rein up there at the Metricon. So far this season it’s looking like Rocket may not be the right mix for the Suns. Then there’s the Ablett contractual stall, and now the shoulder. (Let’s not forget the Carmichael Hunt cocaine smear – Ed) They folded last year when The Little Master packed up. Could this be another example of a team made up of schoolboy champions not making up a Football Team? 2015 Season has missing in action written all over it.

The Skip of Skipton Eight Point Ladder. This is where a point is allocated for each quarter won, plus the four points for a win. It makes interesting reading.

14 WESTERN BULLDOGS
14 SYDNEY
14 FREMANTLE
14 ADELAIDE
12.5 GWS
10 WEST COAST
09.5 MELBOURNE
09 NORTH MELBOURNE
—————————————————————-
08 Hawthorn
08 Essendon
08 Collinwood
07.5 St. Kilda
07 Richmond
02.5 Gold Coast
02 Port Adelaide
02 Geelong
01 Carlton
01 Brisbane

That’s right Wrappers Geelong & Port Adelaide have only won two quarters each for the season. And the Doggies have won six of a possible eight and taken home the bacon twice.

But enough of my gabbin. Let’s see who’s going to go dancing free after Round III.

Carringbush v The Feeling Faints on The Paddock That Grew tonight. Never mind how the teams look on paper Wrappers. The Pies are straight out of the freezer and The Sainters have switched off the microwave. The Sage Pundits went 23-2 for The Woodsmen and The Bagmen have The Junction Oval Seagulls out over $3.00, but we just reckon there’s real value there. Can’t quite put a finger on it but things aren’t quite as they should be at Collingwood. That’s right Wrappers, The Saints are the first Wrap Roughie of The Round for the 2015 Toyota Premiership Season.

The Miseries v The Same Olds at The G for the early one on Saturday. Not sure if it’s a typo, but the Bombers are out at $1.20 on some markets. You could mortgage your first born at that money. Essendon by the length of the home straight at Flemington.

The Pride of South Australia v The Fuchsias at the traditional time on the Picturesque Adelaide Oval. If you feel riding The Peptides carries a risk, you could always take the Free Settlers at $1.10. Melbourne couldn’t beat time with a stick. If you want some extra interest in this contest you could always take The Crows to kick The Sweep. Chuck in The Hon. Edward A. Betts and Big Tex to boot a bakers dozen between them and you won’t have to work till Anzac Day.

The Swans v The Goliaths at Moore Park for the twilight match. Another lopsided affair. We’re on The Bloods in this one.

The Kangaroos v The Power on Saturday night under cover. We may have picked the wrong time to deny The Shinboners the benefit of the doubt, but quite frankly we’ve had enough of them. These two are evenly matched on paper and Toddy Goldstein will give The Homeside plenty of drive from the stoppages, but Port are going to have to produce something to get their season back on track at some time, and this is as good a time s any. But you never know when North are going to uncork another keg of the Magic Elixir. Keep both hands in your pockets.

The Brissy Lions v The Striped Marvels under the palms on Saturday night. Look, we know The Tiggers have let everyone down before, but if they can’t beat The Lions, even up in the Gabbatoir, they shouldn’t be in the caper. They’ve made three forced changes and their opponents have lost their first ruckman. The Tiges to win and win well to re-launch their season after last weekends hiccup.

The Mayblooms v The Sons of The West down in Lonny for the early one on Sunday. It’s beautiful down there at this time of the year with the leaves on the turn. The Doggies are one of the form sides as we speak and will give the Squawkers a run for their money, but the Mustard Pots are OTR. Look for value along the line on this one. The Bulldogs won’t be pushed around the way The Pussies were.

The Moggies v The Sunbeams down at The Cattery latish on Sunday. Surely the Handbaggers can win this one. The Bagmen have got them in at $1.10, which is probably where they should be, but there’s a world of difference between should and deserve in this context. That having been said, we’ll go with them. The Metermaids look to be in more s**t than a whole flock of Werribee ducks right now.

The West Coast Budgies v The Mauve Miasma in Derby XLI (Or XXXXI maybe – Ed) The Barry Crockers are on a mission in 2015. The Wedgies won’t be disgraced, but they won’t win either. The Dangerous Dockers to stamp themselves as Top Four Contenders for 20015.

Good tipping and even better punting.

The Wrap will be taking advantage of the fine Autumnal weather and will be heading off for a few days. Hopefully back for Round V, but if the bream are biting that may be Round VI.