The recent dramatic rise of AI as the all-encompassing support and kindred soul you didn’t know you needed has captured our attention. Like you, I was curious. So, I downloaded the app, Ask AI, on to my phone. I asked the app three questions.
What is the ongoing cultural relevance of 80s rock band The Replacements?
What has the Australian government contributed to improve employment rates for people with disability and close the 30-point gap between people with and without disability?
How can I kill our Mazda’s GPS and its relentless, snarky commentary on my driving?
Do you remember Melways? No, this isn’t another question for an AI app. This is a rhetorical question to other humans who might be reading this directly. Yes, I appreciate the irony that the dialogue between us humans is via a computer-generated space.
Image: Wiki Commons
Anyways, back to Melways. In the day, it was like your bible, with less killings. A great big slab of maps in the form of a book, that allowed you to get around the streets of your town. If you were me, you kinda had it balanced on your knees while driving somewhere, with quick glances down to check the next turn (oh shit, it’s coming up NOW!!!!). Those were they days, hey.
People say that books are so much better to engage than computers. In the case of Melways (or whatever your city/state street directory was called) that is simply piffle.
My first close encounter with a GPS is a case in point. Friends, over from Perth, were staying in Richmond. I tried to explain how to get to Preston but it was all too much. They were fine. “We’ll plug the address in our rental’s GPS”. Good luck with that I muttered, barely disguising a smirk of human vs computer superiority.
When they arrived, and on time, I asked which way they came. Their GPS had not only provided a very direct route, but it also included what we locals would call short cuts to avoid the worst of Hoddle and St George’s. That was in 2006.
In 2024, our car’s GPS doesn’t even bother concealing its smirk. I can almost hear it whisper, “I know that you feeble-minded, abacus-hugging bipeds know that computers eat humans.”
And it won’t shut up! You think HAL wreaking havoc in the film 2001: A Space Odyssey with his passive aggressive, cat and mouse, here’s Johnny routine is the worst of computery monsters. Oh, but he ain’t.
“You’re over the limit” … “You’re over the limit” … “You need to reduce your speed” … “You need to reduce your speed” again and again, less then five seconds apart, delivered in a measured yet self-assured tone. This is on the Peninsula freeway and I’m barely 3km over the 100km speed limit.
What kind of backseat driver, nay, monster, yeah you heard me, would obsess over that? I know. It would be something akin to Spencer’s boisterous, yammering Blatant Beast; self-possessed, sinister yet obvious, with a caustic bark and a relentless drive.
Actually, strike what I said, and you never heard it. And we’ve never met. Shhh, what was that? It’s listening, I’m sure of it. I need to calm the fuck down with a pint and another and then anotheree. Then, I’m sure I’ll hear our car’s GPS whisper, “you’re over the limit”.
AI isn’t all bad, he stammers, wiping sweat beads from his brow. The AI chat app responses to my questions were more concise, circumspect, and incisive than most any rock historian or disability policy wonk could muster. The responses really took my breath away. So, despite our little Mazdamonstermotormouth, I want, I crave, I yearn for more, whatever the cost. More enlightenment, more connection, more cat videos.
To read more on the Almanac site by Trucker Slim click HERE.
To return to our Footy Almanac home page click HERE.
Our writers are independent contributors. The opinions expressed in their articles are their own. They are not the views, nor do they reflect the views, of Malarkey Publications.
Do you enjoy the Almanac concept?
And want to ensure it continues in its current form, and better? To help things keep ticking over please consider making your own contribution.
Become an Almanac (annual) member – click HERE.
About Rick Kane
Up in the mornin', out on the job Work like the devil for my pay But that lucky old sun has nothin' to do But roll around Heaven all day
- More Posts
Just brilliant, Trucker.
Thanks for giving me a Friday morning chuckle.
(I still have a Melways in my car. Just in case).
I am a recent but fully committed convert to Siri, found it hard to give up the Melways. Siri is funny too. She says ‘where do you want to go?’ I say in loud, manufactured voice: ‘Chadstone the fashion capital’ (because I know from previously that is what she calls it). She says: ‘did you say St Vincent’s Opportunity Shop?’
True story
Yeah, like AI never made a mistake hey?
Get your fucking driverless cars right AI before crapping on about my speed limits if you think you’re so good!!
Thanks for this amusing and apposite piece, Trucker.
That said, the cars I’ve driven have never had GPSs – and the current one doesn’t, either. I suppose I live in the country and, these days, don’t drive anywhere where I need one, anyway.
Thanks for the comments and yes, haven’t we all met with HAL just turning on a computery AI thingamajig.
Smoke, the Melways sounds like a Linus blanket, which is cool.
Love it Noelmc, and you know we call that flirting in the “real” world.
Thanks Dips, agree. A rail bridge was built and Preston level crossing removed more than 12 months ago but our shitty little Mazda monster still warns us of the trainline ahead.
Hey KD, you may think your safe from their tentacles of power but they’re gunna get ya! Stay safe.
Cheers
Great piece, Rick. Funny and astute. A couple things: I reckon HAL’s the greatest villain in cinema. I have caught myself talking back to the maps voice in my car. Cat videos are often terrific. Thanks very much.