The Wrap – Round VI: Where Life Imitates Football

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.


The Ground Staff at The G had little to do to prepare the ground for this Friday’s match; just change the Famous Old Dark Blue witches’ hats for Black&White ones. And any rumours of the demise of The Greatest Team Of All are greatly exaggerated.

As if Friday’s emphatic re-organization of the order, of things wasn’t enough Wrappers, how about Saturday? The Striped Marvels once more had a match-costing concentration lapse, and one that has sent a tremor through Punt Road that is likely to have seismic consequences. The Sainters dropped from the sky and stole the Meaty Bites from The Doggies’ bowl. But the Boilover of The Round was at the Sydney Showgrounds; The Mighty Fighting Hawks were overrun by The Orangemen. Sydney did what they had to do against Melbourne. Adelaide accounted for The Gold Coast Mermaids and Freo gave The Dons the old Heave Ho.

Come Sunday and Port went down to The Screaming Eagles to spring to second place on The Table. (So all the Westies are in The Eight: WCE, Western Bulldogs & GWS – Ed)   That would have to be a first wouldn’t it Oh Tireless Editor of Text? But the big match of the round, the one that is dominating the conversation around the Coffe Mate was of course the one played on the Shifting Sands. Carlton, playing a side that had won only 1½ quarters of Football for the season, were overrun in the second half to go down by nine points.

How many Friday night games has Collingwood been given? Crikey, no wonder they’re rubbing their hands together around at Video Easy & Blockbuster

And here’s The Skip of Skipton 8-point Ladder as she sits at the end of Round V. (Better check it out Skip. He can be a bit distracted after a Richmond loss. We may never learn what he’s like after a Richmond win – Ed)

FREMANTLE                        41

WEST COAST                    33.5

SYDNEY                              32.5

COLLINGWOOD                 31

ADELAIDE                           30

HAWTHORN                     28

GWS                                     27.5

FOOTSCRAY                      27.5


North Melbourne              23.5

Port Adelaide                       23

Essendon                               23

Geelong                               21

Richmond                            21

Melbourne                         18.5

St. Kilda                             17.5

Gold Coast                        14

Carlton                              12

Brisbane                               7.5


Another 6-point game and The Sainters are in touch of the main bunch.

Jim of Upper Coomera has written in about the score review process. It’s such a good letter we’re going to print it in its entirety.

Many thanks to the crew in the Wrapcave. Big fan base here in Upper Coomera. It’s a highlight of our sporting week. The effort that goes into each publication must be enormous. Your insightful observations get right to the point and really, they make any other reading unnecessary. (I saw that letter Wrap. It’s the first one you’ve had since the summons to appear before the ASADA Enquiry, and that was over two years ago. This first paragraph wasn’t in it. Anymore of this nonsense and I’ll publish what really goes on in the Wrapcave – Ed)

We are going to run out of time to watch the footy if the umpires have to draw oblongs in the air and we all have to watch twenty slomos of the ball slipping past the post (or not depending on whether your side kicked it) and no snicko to help. The technology is pitiful and the process painful. Whatever happened to “speed the game up at any cost lads”?

This is the only game on earth that does not have the timber in play. What could be simpler than: ………..”It is out of bounds if the ball goes over the boundary line. It is a goal if the ball goes over the goal line. It is a behind if it goes over the behind line, AND it is still in play if it rebounds into the field of play (off a post). It does not matter if it snicks the post, or even if it spins off it…..all it has to do is get over the line.” 

Further, the padding increases the post diameter by about a factor of two, and we still investigate a snick…….draw an oblong in the air………it missed the post by three inches but might haves nicked the lace on the safety gear. Bullshit, and we pay a third umpire to sit in the oblong in the sky to tell us it nicked a lace on the safety gear…….give me a break.

There might even be an argument that “touched” is irrelevant, but that probably needs to be consistent with “out of bounds on the full.” So I concede that “touched” stays, but leave that to the goal umpire: he ought to know whether a finger got bent back by a half of a degree or not. The only difficult call will be the one where a ball sails over the top of the post, but we never have and never will get that one right. Goal umpires can still be the target for derision every now and then.”


Those who took on Ladbrokes offer of Betts/Kennedy/Waite v Carlton may have been stiff. The Weagles had a win but their spearhead only managed to slot one major. The Hon. Edward A Betts kept his end of the bargain and notched up five, while Jarod chipped in with one. The Cartoons kicked 11. Better luck next week Punters. But don’t give up. The Only Team All Carlton Knows have GWS.

The Coach Most Likely? Mick’s declared it will take a bomb to shift him. The Board have said they’re waiting till the end of the season to make a call on the coaching position. While not quite 100% behind the coach, it’s looking very much like the incumbent will be asked to re-apply for his own job. Around at Tigerland the Board has already declared total support for the Coach. The Coach has started naming names publically, and while the Supporter Base may well agree with him wholeheartedly, it may not go down too well in the Locker-room. It may be a bit early to even suggest it, but another coach has, without naming names, declared his players have been less than fully committed. Which is nothing new, but if the trend continues, it could develop into a matter of watch this space. It’s going to be a long season.

And what’s the matter with the Appalling Football League? Yes, we’ll concede quite a bit, but we’re referring to those away strips. The other week we had The Bombers in those depressing art-deco pilsner glass grey & red sashes v St Kilda. This week it was WCE in Navy & Gold playing The Power in their traditional Black, Teal & White. What would have been wrong with the Eagles running out in their Heritage Royal Blue & Gold? Easier to distinguish and a touch of nostalgia as they resurrect the reputation of one of the Modern Game’s Power House Teams.

But enough of my gabbin’. Let’s see who’s still in the mix after Round VI.

The Maggies v The Moggies. By the time The Moggies had kicked three goals in five minutes Mrs Wrap had gone back to her book. By the time they’d kicked five in 10 minutes we’d cleared away the cheese board and re-corked the breezy Tasmanian pinot we’d especially selected from the wine humidor. By the time The Big Tomahawk kicked his first it was Geelong’s 7th and he’d been instrumental in creating four of them. The Handbags second halves haven’t been all that impressive and all that was left off the match was to see how close The Pied Song Shrikes would get to them before they rang The Final Bell. The answer as it turned out was not very close. They managed to reduce their halftime margin by a solitary roast joint. They have The Striped Marvels next Sunday at The People’s Ground. (What, Gosch’s Paddock – Ed) The Pivotonians are up to The Emerald City to take on The Emerald Hillers in the live-to-air broadcast.

The Soupboners v The Striped Marvels. Dimma’s post match pressers are starting to sound like a broken record. Which may be what the players are hearing. Because they sure as Hell aren’t changing their possession-heavy, crab-like style of play. The question is, do you change the coach or change the players? Something for them to consider around at Tigerland. (No wonder Alex Rance wants to give The Game away – Ed) The Shinboners resurrected their season while Toddy Goldstein had another day out, and must be catching the umpires’ eye. It was a solid win, and a just reward for a Hundred Minutes of Football. They are back on the North Island for Round VII to open proceedings against Traditional Rivals Essendon under cover. For The Marvels, it’s back to THOF for another Traditional Encounter against Carringbush.

The Sons of The West v The Feeling Faints. Is this a Great Game or is this a Great Game? After their heart breaking loss to The Scum last week, and gone for all money at halftime this week, they dug deep and found the Self Belief to overhaul a 9-goal deficit. It was a comeback for the ages and a Famous Victory, the feeling of which, Alan Richardson’s Lads will carry to the City of Churches when they take on The Pride of South Australia next Saturday. Did The Bullies lose their bite? Hard to say, but momentum’s a funny thing. And very hard to find after you lose it. They would have banked the Four Points by halftime. Did complacency set in? It has been known, you know. They’ll learn from it, that’s for sure. They’re fast learners around at Luke Beveridge’s Western Oval. They host The Stevedores next Sunday on the Shifting Sands for the early one.

GWS v The Unsociable Hawks. If those 70,000 Paid-up, Proud & Passionate are feeling guilty about not making the trip up to the Sydney Showgrounds, they shouldn’t. Neither did their Team. And if you thought the St Kilda win was GFF*, try this GWS Famous Victory. Was it a judgement of the Football Gods? You’d think those Football Atheists would be looking over their shoulder for that bolt of lightning right now. While there’s no scientific proof that the outcome was preordained, those of us of faith won’t need any convincing. But let’s not take anything away from The Giants. They pressured The Mayblooms all day, both on the field and on the scoreboard. It was a seesawing affair, and while it could be argued that losing their Captain & Vice-captain left a leadership void it would be a specious arguments. This Hawthorn team is chock-a-block full of leaders. No, the Football World will just have to face the fact that The Orangemen are loaded with a healthy balance of youth and experience, not to mention pure talent. And maybe TRP have a little bit of a Double Premiership Hangover. One thing’s for sure though; they’ve got a bit of work ahead of them to get their tilt at the Threepeat back on track. But are we alone in noticing how The Leviathans have come on in leaps and bounds since Coach Mumbles went back to Whingy Hill? Punters be warned, they would have beaten most sides with the game they unpacked on Saturday. We get a chance to see them in the Heartland next Saturday when they take on The Miseries under cover. The Mustard Pots are back on The Paddock That Grew to host The Redlegs at the traditional time.

The Party Goers v The Pride of South Australia. If you didn’t make the trip up to Wally World, you didn’t miss much. The Crows kicked seven more goals than The Suns and only lost one quarter: the last. They host The Victorious Sainters for the early one next Saturday. The Suns drag themselves across the Nullarbor to take on The Wedgies.

Bleak City v Sin City. Only Sydney’s inaccuracy saved The Fuchsias from a humiliating embarrassment in front of 26,894 fans. (As if kicking 1-4 in half a game of Football wasn’t humiliating enough – Ed) SOTG would excuse The Bloods for easing the pressure in the second half after their leg-wearying slog in the Sydney mire the previous week. The Dees take on The Hawkers next week at the traditional place at the traditional time. The Swans host The Cats at Moore Park on Saturday night.

The Mauve Miasma v The Gliders. The Barry Crockers did what they had to do – take the Four Points. Nine goals to the good of The Visitors at the Citrus Huddle, The Anchormen eased the pressure and The Gliders managed to double their three quarter time score of 3-6. The team’s topsy-turvy form must be worrying the Coaching Staff out at Melrose Drive. They sit 3-3 after six rounds, but it could just as easily be 1-5. In one of those wins they coughed up a 7-goal lead and in another fell over the line in a mumbling heap. The Dons are on the Shifting Sand when they help North Melbourne raise the curtain on Round VII. That’s right Wrappers, a six-day break coming off a trip to Perth. (Don’t buck City Hall Wrap, they have long memories around there at Jellymont House – Ed) The Stevedores keep going from strength to strength. Early days yet, but they’re undefeated, and only Port Adelaide has given them a run for their money. They are also on the Shifting Sands, against The Tricolours OTR, for the early one on the Sunday.

The Miseries v The Bad News Bears.   In another bad outcome for Punters, but a worse one for Mickey & The Miseries, The Silvertails blew a mid-game advantage of 14-point to go down by nine.   (But it’s obviously GFF – Ed) And it spotlights all sorts of issues around at Visy Park. The least of which would have to be the twitch in the Coach’s eye when the Channel Sept cameras focussed on him as the final siren announced what would have to be his worst moment in 716 games of coaching At The Elite Level. No Nurelle, it wasn’t that sort of twitch. This was an if the condition persists seek the advice of a medical professional sort of twitch. (If we’re talking about the same twitch Wrap, I’d make that the immediate advice of a medical professional – Ed) Likde Adolph, he’s bunkering down and has vowed to fight to the last. How long can it be before the first ‘Hilter’ parodies start arriving in our In Box?   The Boys From Old Fitzroy can take home some much needed Self Belief along with the Four Points. They have some real talent to work with and while the Coveted Timber Trophy is not beyond them, on yesterday’s result we may have found a more worthy recipient. The Bluebaggers trot out some more of their Bruise-free Football next Saturday on their Beloved Ethelred Stadium when they challenge The Orange Goliaths in the gathering gloom. Brissy close off the round up at The Gabbatoir in the same time slot.

The Power From Port v The Eddie Eagles. But right at the bottom of the bill we may have the biggest upset of them all. It’s never easy at the Portress. This was a game played at September Pressure and it was The Wedgies who survived it better. Several times The Tealers had the upper hand and looked like taking the match away from The Visitors, but The Coasters, magnificently inspired by an injured Josh Kennedy, rallied at every occasion. Are Port not as good as last year? There are certainly signs of a Hangover from their magnificent 2015 season. But like Hawthorn, they’ll have a cupboard full of berocca somewhere there in the medical tent. They’re up to The Lions’ Den to help Brissy close off the round next week. The Eddie Eagles are back to the Hummocks to turn the hot water off for The Other Coasters. But their win raises an interesting conundrum. Where do you play a Fremantle West Coast Grand Final?

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

* GFF – Good For Football

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About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Dave Nadel says

    You play a West Coast Fremantle Grand Final at the Home of Football because the MCC has a cast iron contract. And nobody comes because Victorians have hated the Weagles since 1992 and Students of the Game have disliked the way that Ross Lyon’s teams play football for the best part of a decade.

    It would be a problem, but somehow I suspect that while the Purple Haze will be at the G on the first Saturday in October they are more likely to be playing a team in teal or in brown and gold than one on blue and yellow.

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