What a round it’s been in Footy Eddie.  The Suffering continued in the Longroom as once more The High Flying Flag was lowered to halfmast as The Sons of Lazarus Came Out Snarling & Biting on Friday night.  TLSPRF watched their season flash before their eyes as The Silvertails ran up some handy percentage and The Barry Crockers blew The Sunbeams away in the 2nd half over in Perth.  Bambi’s Bombers turned their season around against The Cats when they won a Famous Victory by less than a straight kick on Saturday night and The Chardonnays won in the wet in The Shadows of Mt Lofty.

Come Sunday and The Power From Port won the Battle of The Spoon when they choked in the Championship Quarter and let Brisbane in for an 11 point win.  The Feeling Faints held off The Shinboners to win tough by nine points and Carringbush was just too much of everything for The Mustard Pots.

F Troop up-date.  The Carey Fairies Old Boys, a.k.a. The Panthers, took The Trinity Hedgeburners apart to maintain 5th position on the A Grade Ladder.  Well done Fairies.  Go you Leafy East Good Things!!!

Now Sepp has threatened to raise the price of admittance to Joe Punter & his family, if they don’t get behind the Awful Football League in their unseemly scramble for the spoils of Our Great Game.  And he threatened to cut development programs.  Does that mean he’s going to dump his marketing pets – CGFC & GWS?  (Probably cut the number of footies given to AusKick – Ed)  But are we the only ones who feel we may all be being a bit selfish here?  It’s not about us, the Long Suffering Faithful, the Punters & Pundits, it’s not even about the Students of The Game.  It’s all about our betters, those who run The Game on our behalf.  Cop this as an example.  In answer to the Players’ Association’s suggestion that Fair Work Australia by asked to mediate on the issue, Sepp blurted, “I have never had to called on a mediator to sort out an issue”.  You’re in good company Sepp.  Neither has Mick Gatto.

Hey, did you catch Luke Saville’s effort over at Wimbledon?  Our first Boys’ Champion since Todd Reid back in 2002.   (Todd who? – Ed)  He beat the Pohmmy Hope Liam Broady to do it – and he’s a South Australian too.  Got the backwards baseball cap to prove it.  And for those who may have missed it, Sam Stosur and Sabine Lisicki – she made the women’s semis – went down in straight sets in the semi final.

But the biggest news from across the waters would have to come from Gaelic Shores.  They went down like ninepins over there in Le Tour as a careless spectator elbow clipped an outside rider of a tightly bunched field.  Great aerial forage on the SBS Evening News of the knock on effect.  The best part of it is that all the drug cheats were in the pile-up and our Man Cadel wasn’t.  There are Cycling Gods too, eh?  Now we just need them to clear the pollen from the air so Cadel’s hay fever can clear up.  Go you Aussie Good Thing

No 2nd prizes for guessing who was Sepp Detritus’ favourite band as a teenager back in the Ascot Vale of those days.  (Anyone having trouble imagining him in his youth? – Ed)  But $600K for a personal command performance of Meat Loaf?  We go to the GF because it’s the last Saturday In September Sepp.  Stuff the band.  If you want live music try the Rainbow or the Brunswick Club.  So what’s wrong with a local performer(s)?  Why are we giving over ½ a mill to a bunch of leftovers from the 70’s.  Why isn’t the Appalling Football League supporting local talent?  It isn’t like we don’t have any.  Andrew Demetriou, you are a disgrace and history is already judging your administration a disaster.

Maggot Watch – This week it’s the slam-dunk tackle.  And it’s the irrepressible Jack Trengove upon whom the spotlight has settled.  Another deliberate slam, as blatant and unnecessary as the one that cost him three weeks earlier in the season.  This time he was paid a free.  Surely we weren’t the only ones who missed the prior opportunity Callum Ward had in this passage.  They should be looking at that first around at Maggot Central before they worry about missing the spear tackle.  Anyway, working off the points system used in the Star Chamber to determine penalties these days he’ll probably get a week with a guilty plea, should he be cited that is.  He should be forever grateful that Dermie’s not a member of the panel on Tuesday night.  Talking on The Sunday Footy Show the Hood said, “The 1st one where he gets weeks, he’s got him and he pulls him straight to the ground.  The 2nd tackle, he lifts him in the air first and then drags him and aims him down.” Dermie insists the 2nd tackle was “10 time more dangerous”.  Out with it Dermie – are you suggesting 30 weeks?

English as a First Language 1.01.  Bluebagger Mark Murphy, doing the post match, talked of his team’s prospects at “the pointy end of the season, but that comes later”.  What, later than the blunt end Mark?  Next you’ll be telling us you didn’t see it coming.  Either end, it doesn’t really matter.

English as a First Language 1.02.  This is obviously an advanced module.  The quote is straight from the Oval Office.  “I’ve read and heard a lot about Andrew Demetriou’s wage, but if you amortise the wage of the AFL executive across the unpaid wages of the AFL Commission and the unpaid wages the board at every football club, the administration doesn’t take that much out of it”.  If everyone else is working for the same financial reward they were five years ago Eddie, why can’t Andrew?  His salary has gone up 235%.

Bernard Tomic’s been and gone.  He took a set in the ¼ final from the eventual titleholder.  Well done Bernard.  The Matildas have got their World Cup bid back on track with a 3-2 win over Equatorial Guinea.  They drove the scorekeepers to distraction with two goals in three minutes, which in itself must be some sort of record.  That leaves them on equal points with Norway & Brazil, who play off early on Monday morning.  To clinch a place in the next round they’ll need to beat Norway anyway on Thursday to move up.  Go you Aussie Good Things.

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who was best on the sward of green in Round XV.

The Bulldogs v The Redlegs.  Melbourne did nothing to salvage their reputation for inconsistency and everything to push their Coach further up the leader board for the Coach Most Likely.  Make no mistake; this was a thorough mauling.  The Doggies won every quarter.  The Demons managed two majors in the Opening Stanza and two in the 2nd, three in the 3rd and to show that Old Acquaintances Are Soon Forgot, they replaced The Grand Old Flag at the masthead with a bedsheet for the Final Quarter.  One goal two behinds to six goals three is a capitulation.  You would be excused for thinking there’s something not quite right at Melbourne, wouldn’t you?  But what does it say about The Dish Lickers?  Their senior players all clicked on Friday night; Cooney (28), Boyd (26), Higgins (26), Giansiracusa (25) led the possession winners for The Scrays.  And Bulldog Barry, while only kicking 3-1 himself, was a presence.  They certainly have the game to warrant a place in September/October.  So why are they languishing outside The Eight with only the faintest hope of making The Top Four?  Maybe Carlton will answer that next Sunday’s twilight game at the Boutique Ground.  For The Fuchsias it’s a time for reflection.

Struggletown v The Silvertails.  Like any True Struggletown Die Hard, I agree with Mick Malloy – the umpires cost Richmond the match.  Students of The Game however may hold a converse view.  Make no mistake, this was the Fred Hesse Annihilation Scoreboard TLSPRF didn’t need to see.  The tin rattlers for the Save The Endangered Species Campaign showed more aggression.  Coach Hardnose has asked the Long Suffering to “bin it”, forget it ever happened.  But it did happen.  The Juddanaught did pile on 31 devastating touches, boot 2-1 himself – one a burst from the centre clearance that will be on every midfielders file tape – assist in six other scores and secure another three Brownlow votes.  Mitch Robinson did rip the fight out of The Tigers with his aggression at the ball.  Jarrod Waite was looking like Travis Cloke in Old Dark Navy Blue.  Kreuzer & Warnock did win twice as many ruck contests as their Tiger counterpart, and Cotchin & Martin were made to look ordinary, very ordinary.  But if they’re going to forget anything around at Punt Road, it would have to be the tackling.  Richmond couldn’t escape the vicelike and unrelenting Bluebagger attack on the ball carrier.  To paraphrase Paul Keating, being tackled by Richmond was like being flogged with warm lettuce.  The RattBaggers sit 3rd with a healthy ‘Top Four’ percentage and a home game next Sunday against The Born Again Bulldogs.  The Moth Eaten Tigers are back on The G for a Saturday night clash with another Bitter Rival – The Rejuvenated Bombers.

The Barry Crockers v The Metermaids.  The Purple Horde were expected to demolish The Gold Coast Sunbeams and pile on some handy percentage.  They did in the 2nd half, but not before they were led into the Pavilion for the half time break by The Visitors.  The Homeside extracted the digit in the 2nd half and went on to collect the Four Points and pile on some percentage, but not until their Skipper took control of the match.  And what would Chris Scott have given to have had the Gary Ablett Junior option on the other side of The Wide Brown Land later in the day?  Like pepper & salt, he was in everything.  Fortunately for Coach Harvey, he had the Jon Griffin option.  Standing in for Laurie Sandilands, Griffin had a whale of a time with 26 possessions, 13 of them contested, took 12 marks, dominated the hitouts and kicked two straight.  Laurie who?  The Dockers have the bye next round before travelling up to Leggoland to meet The Swans.   The Other Coasters are home at Metricon Park to welcome Steak & Kidney next Saturday night.

The Gilders v The Greatest Team of All.  The Bagmen enjoyed an early Christmas on Saturday night.  One punter was touted on the Channel Rove call as having invested a cool mill on The Ladder Leaders to collect $90,000.  You wouldn’t need Tim Costello or the Member for Denison to tell you that gambling doesn’t pay.  The Tabbies hit the ground running and it looked like the $90,000 was as good as in the bank.  Then the relentless pressure that was missing last round against Hawthorn started to leave its mark on the scoreboard.  The Marshmallows changed ends for the first time a goal to the good of The Cats.  They had targeted the Moggies’ backline attackers and were doing a share of their own.  The fullback of the decade wasn’t allowed to swan around the backline collecting stats and driving his team into attack.  By ½ time The Dons were 15 points to the good from the same number of scoring shots as their opponents.  Midway into the Championship Quarter that lead had been extended to 33 points and the boilover looking ominous.  Naturally The Handbags, Remembering Their Tradition, came back at The Bombers, but they still trailed The Dons by 17 points at the last change.  (With three more scoring shots it should be pointed out – Ed)  In a thrilling Last Quarter The Catters came close, but no cigar.  Thirty one scoring shots to 25, plus the fact that only two of Geelong’s behinds were rushed, suggests that they kicked this one away.  (Didn’t Collingwood say the same thing after The Cats beat them by less than a straight kick? – Ed)  One thing that made this such a Famous Victory was that the Dons did it with a limited bench, reminiscent of some of their wins earlier in the season.  The Hird-like Heppell continues to impress, and with all eyes on him, and as good as it was to see him enthusiastic about his Footy once again, Paddy Ryder will need to contribute more overall if he is going to pay his way out at Whingy Hill.  A well deserved win, a strategic win and a win for the commitment and discipline of the playing group, but I don’t know that I’d want to be in the Essendon side that next takes on The Cats.  The Bombers have The Tigers on the double rebound next Saturday night.  The Moggies are over in Perth against The Coasters for the curtain raiser.

The Pride of South Australia v The Sin City Rollers.  The Bloods lost a bit of ground – a lot of ground in fact – and The Chardonnays turned their season around on Saturday night in the Shadows of Mt Lofty.  The City of Light turned on a real humdinger of a Free Settler winter’s night befitting a town build on a funnel shaped gulf facing the Southern Ocean.  With a losing margin of seven points, The Swans would be entitled to rue their poor shooting on goal, however, they don’t have time for that.  Next Saturday night they’re up in beautiful one day perfect the next as guests of The Sunbeams.  The Crows sit the next round out.

Brissy v The Chokers.  The Proud Lions once filled the Gabba every Saturday night.  On Sunday 17,276 die hard Footy fans slipped through the turnstiles to be rewarded with a classic Port Adelaide choke.  And to some vintage Footy from Simon Black & Big Bad Jonathon Brown.  The Port Coach said it was a head thing, losing focus when in a winning position.  What he didn’t say was that it is deeply embedded in the Club Culture.  Those regulars at The Punt Road End would not have missed Andrew Raines’ 29 possession game nor Jay Schulz’s seven goals in a losing side.  Throw in Davey Rodan’s output since he left Tigerland and you wonder why faces are long on the Richmond Hill.  The Roy Boys, having just about blown their chances of collecting the Coveted Timber Trophy for 2011, venture down to Lonny for some old fashioned Suburban Footy in Arctic conditions when they take on The Mayblooms, smarting from their drubbing against TRP.  The Tealers drag The Feeling Faints across to Footy Park for more of the same.

The Woodsmen v The Mayblooms.  Sometimes you can just tell early in the piece how a team’s going.  The draw was off the cards after the first two minutes as Hawthorn’s uncertainty was palpable.  The hiding was on after The Maggies had kicked the 1st four goals.  The rain held off but the day was still a miserable one for The Hawks.  Carringbush are not a team you can carve up and they’re a team that don’t mind how unsociable the Footy gets.  But you have to doff your lid to the Monochrome Army.  Getting close to the halfway mark of the Championship Quarter, and with the match well and truly banked, a procession of free kicks to Hawthorn were ignored by the whistle blowers.  Over the passage of play in which the ball was worked from the centre bounce into the Collingwood forward pocket we logged five possible Hawthorn frees from the vision on the wall mounted 72” plasma in the Wrap Loungeroom.  All the militancy had gone out of the Rabid Hawthorn Army by then and the moments passed in relative silence.  When a Hawthorn defender, right on the line, took a step across it to take the ball out of play for a throw in all Hell broke loose.  Now in defence of the B&W Army, it may have been the producer at Channel Kerry up to some mischief with the editing, but he had shots of slobbering Carringbush vigilantes about to leap the pickets to enforce what they saw as a deliberate out of bounds and a miscarriage of justice.  Fair Dinkum, Cyclops had better vision and Ming the Merciless a greater sense of justice.  But the question has to be asked, with support like that, how do you lose the free kick count 15-19?  Look, this was The Woodsmen at their best.  Tarrant checked Buddy out of the contest and without Riolli playing Robin to Buddy’s Batman the clever precision of last week gave way, after futile half back probes, to a mad rush at the forwarded 50 with more prayer than hope.  Mickthan has The Maggies pacing their season well.  One narrow loss and a draw against fancied opposition is nothing compared to their awesome percentage of just under 170.  You watch them build for September/October, starting with North at Victoria Park on Sunday.  (About time they got the naming right on The G– Ed)  The Paid-up, Proud & Passionate will be moving the last wisp of Autumn from the blue stone curbing of the Leafy East next Saturday while The Hawks Ride The Bumps With A Grin down at Launceston.

The Shinboners v The Sainters.  The Junction Oval Seagulls have lifted themselves above the level of mathematical possibilities to having their destiny in the own hands with this gutsy win over a committed North Melbourne.  When Nick Del Santo & Brendan Goddard are amongst the best players and St Riewoldt and Stinky Milne pose a threat, The Feeling Faints are a chance.  Five unanswered goals in nine minutes in an eight-goal 2nd Quarter is always going to set you up for a win.  That they thought is necessary to close up the game protecting a 3-1 lead after the citrus huddle says a lot about the state of mind prevailing down at The Culture Club.  They’re now in a pocket of six vying for 7th/8th Rung at the end of August.  They disposed of one yesterday, but the run home includes six teams above them on the ladder as it stands now.  With an aging list they probably have more to lose than most this season, and to miss the finals could be just the beginning of a long slow slide into mediocrity and beyond.  These are once more desperate times down at Moorabbin.  They have The Chokers over in the City of Churches next Sunday.  The Norsemen have Collingwood at The G next Sunday.

Adelaide, Freo & Melbourne have the week off.

Hope your team gave you value over the weekend, and hope for the future.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap, you’ll know it’s not crap.

In light of Ayatollah Sepp’s pronouncements over the last week, and probably this week before he boards his Tiger Airways flight to somewhere far away for a couple of well earned weeks of R&R, let’s consider the words of the American film producer, Joseph E Levine.

You can fool all of the people all the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

And those of A.A. Milne (No relation Nurelle – Ed) who, speaking of greed wrote –

“’When Rabbit said, “Honey or condensed milk with your bread? Pooh was so excited that he said ‘Both’, and then so as not to seem greedy, he added, ‘But don’t bother about the bread please.’”

Of course we can take a more concerned view of the actions of the Ayatollah and his minions at Jellymont House by deferring to the words of Thomas Jefferson –

A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned – this is the sum of good government.


About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Andrew Fithall says

    Those young Melbourne and future young Melbourne players have not learned their lesson. Playing for Victoria (U18) against SA, Jack Viney has been reported for an alleged spear tackle. Sounds like he could be in a bit of trouble from the tribunal.

  2. John Mosig says

    You’d reckon they practice them, eh? It’s a dangerous looking thing. I’m not squeamish about the physicality of Our Great Game, but these things could seriously injure someone one day unless they’re removed from the game.

  3. Andrew Fithall says

    Viney got a suspended one-match ban allowing him to continue in the National carnival. Tribunals learn early how to treat their stars!

  4. James Hird’s post match comment that ‘the win was significant’ was significant in itself. It signifies that Bomber is writing the speeches as I believe I have heard that one before on several occasions.


  5. Rick Kane says

Leave a Comment