What a round it’s been in Footy Eddie.  The Fred Hesse Annihilation scoreboard on Friday night told a grim story as The Box Hill Hawks drove yet another nail in the lid covering the Bambi’s Bombers Experiment.  The Dees staked their claim to a Final Eight Place with a convincing win over The Frustrating Tigers.  The Doggies looked just as unconvincing as The Redlegs looked convincing with a 22 point win over The Sunbeams.  Carringbush had to pull out all stops to hold off the fast finishing Bloods.  And Freo had to battle hard but finally pulled away in the last to win by 23 points in a dour struggle on the western edge of the Fatal Shore.

Come Sunday and Geelong dismantled Adelaide down at Cat Central, West Coast displaced Carlton as the emerging Top Four Side, and North won well in the City of Churches against The Power.

What more can be said about the fat cats at Jellymont House?  And what sort of defence can Sepp Demetriou & his cronies mount to screw the Players when they all get together to divvy the loot from the TV rights?  More than a 200% salary increase for Sepp over six years.  Is obscene a word that springs to mind?  How about hypocritical?  How about just plain greedy?

After he booted 5 majors in GWS’s 22-goal demolition of Belconnen  – in the ACT League – Coach Mumbles claimed Big Folau was a natural kick.  So is a mule Sheeds.

When he bestowed The Marshmallows their only goal of the 2nd Quarter by granting the feeblest 50m penalty you could imagine, Razor Ray didn’t do anything to diminish his Beitzel Medal prospects for 2011.  But we think we’ve found a challenger from amongst the three blind mice who adjudicated at the MCG on Saturday afternoon.  Put a red circle around the name Robert Findlay.  Bob made his debut in 2009 after adjudicating at the 2008 VFL GF.  By the beginning of this season he had notched up 31 AFL games, but has become a regular member of the maggoting panel this year.  His highlight over the weekend would have to have been when he gifted Melbourne their 7th goal of the Opening Stanza.  Thirty five meters out on a slight angle, the Richmond defender was set to mark when Jack Who arrived late and clambered all over him without eyes for the ball.  When the whistle went everyone presumed the free was for in the back.  You can imagine the howl – and the incident was at the Punt Road End – when it went the other way.  He would have got one vote for that call alone.  It showed courage, a lack of empathy with the Rules of The Game and, throughout the day, a stolid determination not to learn from a poor call.  Although he’ll need to learn inconsistency – he showed an unyielding bias to Melbourne on Saturday – to really be considered a challenger for the this year’s Beitzel, however, some of his unrewarded Tiger tackles well inside the scoring zone will live with The Tiger Army for ages to come.

Over on the grass of the Green & Pleasant Land, Bernard Tomic carries the Aussie Flag into the Round of 16.  He’s up against the 31-year-old Belgium journeyman, Xavier Mallise.  This could be his moment, eh?  And of course, Le Tour starts on Sunday with Our Cadell confident he has the team to go the next step this time around.  Go you Aussie Good Thing.  And hey, Casey Stoner is back on the dais and at the top of the MotoGP leader board once more.  Stick it up ‘em Casey.   All those who said you were accident prone.  And not let’s forget Mark Webber’s valiant efforts to get his Red Bull across the line in third place over the weekend.

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who was the most seen in Round XIV.

The Mayblooms v The Gliders.  Where do you start?  I’m not sure about you – and it may well have been a distortion in the glass in the Coaches’ Box – but did it look to you like the Essendon Coach has developed that thousand-yard stare?   And what about the Mentor?  Gone is the glib okay mate.  Replaced by the not–my-fault coaching cliché – we (read they) didn’t stick to our game plan. Coaches should be made accountable too don’t you reckon?  What exactly was your game plan Bomber?  Surely not kick it long to Paddy?  And could it be respectively suggested that to initiate any game plan you must first get your mitts on the pigskin?  But the overuse of clichés surely reveal something don’t you think?  (Like the overuse of handball, eh Wrap? – Ed)  If the whole club is going around sprouting them, how long would it be before the whole club becomes one?  Take for instance the Essendon player being interviewed by Kelli Underwood post match.  I was laughing so much I didn’t pick up which one it was.  We played well for 90 minutes.  It was just those crucial 30 minutes where we played poorly that cost us the game.  We have to re-group through the week and focus on those 30 minutes.  The real danger here is that they look like they’re starting to think in clichés.  Football 1.01 – football is a game of 120 minutes, including time-on, divided into four quarters.  Each minute is crucial dummy, whoever you were.  But it may be worse than we think.  These words from the Nominal Coach  – There is no doubt Hawthorn outran us for the whole game and it’s a bit of a trend over the last four weeks.  Our running ability is not that of the teams we have played and that is a concern, yes. Talking with a Whingy Hill insider through the week it was revealed, on the condition of anonymity naturally, that The Bombers may have been overtrained.  That would certainly tie in with their tiredness now.  And there’s a good deal of frustration showing as well.  I counted senior player McVeigh giving away three free kicks in the first half; he only had five for the whole night himself.  When Watson went off – and he looked out of sorts before that – the wings really came off The Bombers.  But enough already about the losers, what about the winners, and what does it say about The Hawks of 2011?  No Buddy.  Roughie out for the season.  Likewise Stratton and Gilham.  Speaking post match, their Skipper said – when one soldier goes down you replace him with another one.  That’s the message they’ve brought home from Kokoda – as well as the blood, sweat & tears they left up there.  Take Birchall; in the absence of Stratton & Gilham he’s taken up the backline leadership.  Savage, Smith, Sheils & Suckling.  Hardly household names.  Just another bunch of Chocolate Soldiers whose names begin with S.  One soldier goes down and another one takes his place. One For All & All For One Is The Way They Play At Hawthorn.  Make no mistake, for those who saw this game, you saw history.  The Mayblooms staked their claim to September Glory, and the humiliation handed out to their opponents of the night was of the scale that started the white-anting of Matty Knights out at Whingy Hill amid claims of not being able to coach a defensive game.  The Squawkers are back at The G next Sunday arvo against TRP.  The Gliders have The Ladder Leaders under cover for the Saturday night special.  You can only hope and pray that they’ve focussed on those crucial 30 minutes by then.

GCFC v The Western Bulldogs. Sorry Doggies, you didn’t impress over the weekend.  You stay in touch but will need to keep winning and winning well.  With a percentage of 90, you were handed a free chance to boost that below-par figure and you blew it.  The Four Points are handy, but the margin is as good as a loss in the context of this season.  Let’s see how you go against The Demons next Friday night under cover.  The Metermaids continued to impress, up to a point.  Eighty eight may be a good name for your local Chinese restaurant, but it’s not much to brag about as an effort for Four Quarters of Football on a dry day.  They have Freo over there next Saturday.  How they handle this road trip will be a good measure of their growth as a Playing Group.

Richmond v Melbourne.  Once again the Tiges allowed their opponent to lead them comfortably into the 2nd Stanza.  This time they even coughed up a two goal lead to trail by 20 points at the 1st change.  And once the Redlegs on-ballers discovered they could drop the ball with impunity as soon as they felt the first hot breath of a tackle coming on they were able to hold The Tiges at bay all day.  But credit where credit’s due.  They maintained the pressure on Richmond the whole match, and were able to deny The Tiges any ascendency.  Successive goals were all the King-less Richmond attack could manage throughout the whole match, and even though the Tiger Army got wound up when the margin had been reduced to 18 points deep in the third quarter, it was The Fuchsias who held the high ground right through to the Final Siren.  This was a good win and a good hitout for The Dees.  They have The Scrays next Friday night with a chance to make it three on the trot.  The Tigers are back at The People’s Ground at the traditional time to meet Arch Rivals Carlton OTR.

Steak & Kidney v The Mighty Magpies. Question 1 – for 1 point – if one side had 34 scoring shots and the other had 23, which side do you think would be the winner of the match?  Very good Nurelle.  Now for Question 2 – for 9 points – what would the margin have been?  The conundrum that is Collingwood has maintained its undefeated record, but only just.  GTWTCO, but BKIBF.  It’s ironic that this scrambled victory came against a team that took a Flag and just missed another by winning ugly.  The difference between thee two sides would have to have been Travis Cloke and Dane Swan.  Sixteen of Swans 33 possessions were contested, as were eight of Cloke’s 15 marks.  These are telling statistics and MWF*.  With their counter to Cloke – Adam Goodes – held to an ordinary game, it was very much to The Bloods’ credit that they got themselves into a position where able to lunge at the wire.  Equally, it’s to the credit of TRP that they were able to hold them off.  And Old Sepp is going to have some explaining to do if Mr Tatts isn’t awarded the Charles Brownlow Medal for 2011.  Another outstanding game.  (Other than why he’s worth $2.2 million to the Appalling Football League, eh Wrap? – Ed)  They’ll pack the G next Sunday arvo when The Pies take on The Hawks.  The Tinseltowners have the Pride of South Australia in the shadows of Mt Lofty next Saturday night.

The Barry Crockers v The Bad News Bears.  The Poor Old Bruins just can’t get over the line can they?  Looking to have a chance at the Long Break, they fell away under pressure in the run home. But this was really one you’d be happy to have missed.  The Dockers seemed to have taken the Four Points for granted, and though you always sensed they’d win, it took a Captain’s Game to turn things around.  In fact two Captains’ Games.  Jonathon Brown couldn’t inspire his charges to the same extent and once Simon Black tired it was good night nurse for The Undermanned Maroons.  And at $2.2 mill a year, you’d like to think Sepp would feel obliged to initiate a review of the adjudication of this match.  Sure it was a scrappy sort of game, but that’s no reason the put in a sub standard performance.  Freo leaves the sub-tropical motif in the Visitors’ room for the GCFC next Saturday arvo.  The Lions return to The Gabba for a Sunday match that could go a long way to deciding The Coveted Timber Trophy when they roll out the red carpet and turn off the hot water for The Power From Port.

The Handbags v The Pride of South Australia.  Good teams win the close ones, sure.  But really good teams win the easy ones in style.  And hasn’t this Sleepy Hollow Mob got some style – and desire for the Football?  Make no mistake, this Chris Scott coached Cat Outfit is the real thing.  Sure, they released the pressure on the Crows’ jugular for the closing stages, but with Hugh Wirth ever vigilant, it was the prudent thing to do.  Adelaide have nine more matches to play.  They have three wins up for the season (One of those against The Hawks though – Ed) and a percentage of 76.  Anyone one for tennis?  It now becomes their turn to face the ire of the Rabid Adelaide Mob next Sunday when they host the Sydney Swans.  It will be interesting to see if the Free Settlers kill and eat their own.   The Pussies strut their stuff up in the Big Smoke when they check out the action at the Western End of town against Bambi’s Bombers.

The Miseries v The Coasters. Anyone help themselves to the easy money floating around on this one?  You’d suspect Coach Ratz might have when he admitted this was the loss we had to have.  No it wasn’t Ratz.  It was an eight point loss and could cost you the Double Chance.  It was the loss you didn’t need Ratz.  Get it right or you’ll finish up helping Juddy polish the brass nameplate at Raheen – for free.  Naturally, once Nurelle gets back from Centrebet with the loot we’ll be sending our tithe around to Royal Parade.  You could tell the loss and the way it happened was playing on the Carlton Coach’s mind when he passed it off as one of those hiccups you have along the way.  Ratz, this was a very loud burp in front of the Whole Football World.  One goal in the Last Quarter when starting it only 22 points in arrears is not worthy of a Top Four finish.  The Coasters led at every change and won pulling away.  Someone else watching would have been the Punt Road Match Committee and Leadership Group.  The Tiges OTR v The Miseries OTR should go close to filling THOF next Saturday arvo at the traditional time.  The Weagles have a rest next weekend before inviting The Undefeated Moggies across the Nullarbor to for the curtain raiser to Round XVI.  Yesterday they won every indicator except the uncontested possession count, the total kicks and total handballs, suggesting that while possession may be 9/10ths of the law, it’s how you use what possession you have that wins the ball game.

Port Adelaide v The Shinboners. The Chokers choked early yesterday, and their Coach let them know all about it.  “When the momentum starts to shift we need to actually put our hands up instead of the white flag”. Goodness, are we going to see white feathers slipped amongst the laundered jumpers at Tuesday night’s training?   And our HR people have told us that jibes like that are as likely to lift morale in the Locker Room as the floggings lifted the work rate at Port Arthur.  North went close to topping Hawthorn for the Sweep this round with 21-10 and next week they return to the Twilight Zone to meet another of its denizens – the Saint Kilda Football Club.

Hope your team gave you value over the weekend, and hope for the future.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap, you’ll know it’s not crap.


Let us leave you with some thoughts for the week to come.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.” — Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

On the planet Earth, Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much – the wheel, New York and so on – conversely the dolphins believed themselves to be more intelligent than Man for precisely the same reasons.”  Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See

Now we all know who Douglas Adams is, but try these two for wisdom and wit.

Fred Sanstrom said – “Things are never so bad, that they couldn’t be worse”.

But the one we’d like to leave you cogitating this week comes from Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest.  When asked – “If you could live forever, would you and why?” she answered – “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.”

I’m sure I’ve dated her sister at some stage.  Or more likely, her mother.


* – MWF – Match Winning Football


About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. John Butler says


    Umpires winning friends across the football world on the weekend.

    Don’t worry. Gieschen will explain it all away with another of his Stalinist revision videos on the AFL website. Problems? What problems?

  2. John Mosig says

    Big one next Saturday at the traditional time JB. Tiges will be bringing their mouthguards to training for this one. It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve upset the Silvertail apple cart at this time of the year.

  3. Nice wrap Wrap. Love your Thoughts for the Week. Recently I heard a beauty on the radio. A comfortable little leftie who lives in North Fitzroy and is trying to save the world by growing tomatoes in his back yard, was arguing the case for a carbon tax. The commentator asked this global crusader to point to one country which has installed such a scheme as that proposed in Australia. The tomato grower replied, “I’ll name TWO countires – British Columbia and California!”

  4. John Mosig says

    It’s a wonder he didn’t add North Fitzroy to that list Dips. And maybe even North Carlton. That’s why I’d like to get back to the All Nations. They grow their own tomatoes there too, but they don’t pay any tax at all.

    My kinda people.

  5. Wrapster – I hear you brother.

  6. Rick Kane says

    Thank you Mr Wrap forthe wrap on the Hawks vs Boo, who’s there game. You captured well what we observed. I’m not sure how much it says about the Hawks ability to beat the best sides but it did tell us that the Bombers have not improved just because Hird (a little bit like Burt Lancaster’s character in The Rainmaker) has come to town.

  7. forwardpocket says

    Interesting move by the players to choose that traditional bastion of the oppressed worker, Crown Palladiium Ballroom, as the venue for their rally tonight. What channel is showing the red carpet special tonight?

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