THE WRAP – ROUND III

WHERE LIFE IMITATES FOOTBALL

What a round it’s been in Footy Eddie.  It was another Cakewalk for The Good Old Collingwoods on Friday night as TRP delivered a reality check to The Bluebaggers in front of 88,181 fans to remain astride The Competition Table.  The Bulldogs became the latest beneficiary of the Appalling Football Leagues marketing largess as they piled on some handy percentage.  The Barry Crockers stamped their authority on Season 2011 with an all the way win at Crow Park.  Steak & Kidney came home on a wet sail to steal yet another thriller from The West Coast Eagles and Richmond joined The Sunbeams as Round III’s Biggest Loser.

Come Sunday and we watched as The Melbourne Redlegs denied The Brisbane Maroons their 1^st win of Season 2011.  Geelong did a similar job on Port, only more emphatically, while The Bombers put St Kilda’s 2011 campaign into perspective.

Did everyone catch the Reverend Peter Roebuck’s last rites on the Flannelled Fools in Saturday’s Sage?  You wouldn’t be on your Pat there Pete.  It’s heart breaking to see one of the finest institutions – and cricket is an institution – lowered to meet the slavering greed and egomania of the few, ably supported by the attention-span challenged many.  The Ashes of English Cricket may well live on in The Urn.  The Ashes of Cricket are in danger of being scattered forever in the winds that blow between Mumbai and Dubai.

Speaking of bookmakers – and we were weren’t we Peter?  How long before The Bagmen the Appalling Football League is so worried about close the book on The Sunshines?  Backing whoever they play is driving the Little Aussie Battler to unprecedented heights.  And if they do, how is that going to go down at Jellymont House?  And can they actually slam the bag under their arrangement with the Appalling Football League?  (And do they have one? – Ed)

The mare with the heart the size of Phar Lap has made it 12 on the trot as she streeted the field by three lengths at the clockwise configured Royal Randwick.  She gave her $1.14 backers some excitement and horse lovers an exhibition when she gave the runaway Hay List five lengths start at the home turn.

Velvet Fog Watch – it was all over long before this, but you keep watching just to hear The Fog’s dulcet tones and take pleasure from his poetic observations, don’t you?  The two Geelong Hunts had converged on a luckless Port Magpie ball carrier and wrapped him up in a gang tackle when DC came out with – he’s not going anywhere, The Cats are hunting in packs.  Think about it.

But enough of my gabbin.  Let’s see who’s running free after Round III.

Carringbush v The Miseries.  The 2011 premiership Pennant on the Social Club Stand at Victoria Park rides at the masthead.  Down along La Via Lygon it’s at half mast again.  The Bluebaggers took it up to The Maggies to lead by TNPM at the 1^st change.  And to be fair, they kept coming all night, and some of their play would make the highlight reels.  But the final margin may have been flattering to The Silvertails.  Apologies if you’ve heard this before – but a Champion Team will beat a Team of Champions every time.  The worrying thing is that this Champion Team in Black&White is also a team of Champions.  Let’s face it – they’re going to be around for a while.  The administration, from the Oval Office down to the Bootstudder, is solid and professional.  (Well, maybe not at Oval Office – Ed)   Their facilities are first class and they have a triple A attitude.  They keep loading this Champion Team at the bottom with young Gippslanders and topping it off with ready made stars.  And hey, doesn’t that Tarrant look good in the Black&White Verticals?  (Almost like he’d worn them before Wrap – Ed)  Ball, Jolley, Krakouer & Tarrant.  And not a moment of rancour in adding them to the list.  (Apart from St Kilda’s last moment anxiety attack – Ed)  And they’ve cut out the silly stuff.  I never thought I’d heard myself say this – but Collingwood is not only a Champion Team of Champion Players, the whole club is a professional sporting body.  Carlton may like to think but for a 2^nd Quarter lapse they were in this one.  Sit down and watch the replay Blues Brothers.  Collingwood were playing with you.   They went soft on your percentage because they want you up there near the top where they can find you in September.  And were we the only ones to notice the Juddanaught is starting to look that little bit older.  Maybe it’s just the receding hairline, but he’s on The Wrap Player Watch for Season 2011.  The Maggies have Captain Blood’s old mob next Friday night at you know where.  The Miseries have one of their Traditional Rivals on the same venue at the Traditional Time the next day.

The Sons of The West v The Suns.  This match may have told us as much about The Kennel Coughs as it did about The Sunbeams.  True, it was a win, but far from emphatic on a dry day in front of the 21,373 Faithful wandering around the stands.  Karmichael wasn’t The Metermaids worst player – that was reserved for the undisciplined role model, the unrepentant Campbell Brown.  In a worrying display of selfish aggrandizement, the ex-Hawk managed to draw the wrong sort of attention to himself.  That two of his teammates cramped suggests they aren’t taking things seriously up there in Wally World.  That one of them was the aforementioned Karmichael will add to Coach McKenna’s burden.  The Sons of The West put in a workmanlike effort, but SOTG would be of the view that bluecollar efforts don’t necessarily translate to boardroom success.  They have the bye next round.  The other Coasters drag The Redlegs up to The Gabba.

Adelaide v Fremantle.  The Pride of South Australia took second place to The Pavlich-led Dockers.  Freo deserved their win and will have to be reckoned with in Season 2011.  They lost Man Mountain Laurie Sandilands for the 2^nd Half, but the hole created by the loss of their CHB Phil Davis in the first quarter was arguably more costly to The Crows.  It was a spirited affair and anyone who hasn’t got Patrick Dangerfield in their Brownlow trifecta will be going home empty handed on Blonde’s Night.  The Crows return to Footy Park next week as guests of their Cross Town Rivals for Showdown XXX.  The Longshoremen have a Sunday match against Good Old North Melbourne.

The Tigers v The Hawks.  This was already the Fred Hesse Annihilation Scoreboard by the 1^st Change.  With the rain setting in, three goals straight in the opening three minutes sealed this as a contest for the 46,369 who braved the elements on Saturday night.  Hawthorn’s opening quarter of 7-1 would be nearly as much as Richmond kicked all night.  Coach Hardnose refrained from saying Hawthorn is the best team they’ve played all year because they haven’t played Collingwood yet – but he could have.  Buddy was just terrific.  His pace, endurance and presence were awesome.  The Glenferrie Oval Spiritual Leader was limping by the end of the night, but had been influential with every touch.  To top it off, the much-maligned Jordan Lewis had one of his best games for ages.  But The Hawkers didn’t get out of this scot-free.  Potential 200 game backman Stratton could be out for the season, Xavier Ellis copped a nasty one in the shin and Guerra was carted off with what looked like a knee, but came back on.  They drag West Coast down to Lonny next Saturday Arvo.  For The Tiges, it was a massive letdown after showing promise over the opening fortnight of the Season.  The Brains Trust around at Punt Road obviously has a lot of work to do.  They would have been looking for a dry night to show off their pace, but as it has so often been stated, FIAWG*.  And they’re going to have to have a few words to Young Riewoldt.  Or maybe deliver a solid kick up the backside. He’s getting far too ahead of himself.  The Long Suffering Punt Road Faithful could be excused for thinking they got a raw deal from the umpires, but by the end of the night the free count was 24-28 in Hawthorn’s favour.  They could argue that so many of The Hawk’s frees came in the early part of the match before the Young Tigers had time to adjust to the conditions.  But hey, that’s Football.  They’ll need to be ready next Friday night when they host TRP on The G

The Coasters v The Bloods.  Old rivalries never die, eh?  If you ever wanted to show your cousin from Azerbaijan how we play Football down here, just schedule the christening of Rashida’s next kid to coincide with one of their matches.  The arm wrestle WDTTW** and The Homeside looked set to collect the bacon when the re-badged and rejuvenated Andres Everett popped up with two snaggers in the Shadow of Full Time to snatch it from right under their nose.  And better get down to Sportsbet and take a piece of Adam Goodes for your Brownlow trifecta.  He’s got his mind on things and is having a stellar season.  West Coast may have been stiff, but this is the 2^nd time in two weeks that Sydney have run down a lead and taken the Four Points.  Rarely one to smash you, they’re always hard to beat.  That they’re sitting 3^rd with a percentage of 106 should tell us the change from Coach Roos to Coach Longmire has been seamless.  We’ll find out just how seamless when they take on The Undefeated Handbags next Saturday night.  The Eagles catch the ferry across the Paddock to Lonny to challenge The Mayblooms.

The Redlegs v The Boys From Old Fitzroy.  This was supposed to be a walkover.  By the 1^st Change it looked as though it was going to be, but not for the team fancied to be doing the walking.  Only a supreme effort, led by a couple of Territorians turned things around for The Fuchsias.  Austin Wonaeamirri and Liam Jurrah combined to lift them to within OSK**** by the Long Break.  The Dees looked classy at times, but their inconsistency must have Coach Bailey waking in a cold sweat as strains of the Coaches’ Carousel disturbing his slumber.  For Boss Voss, it can only get worse.  With too much left to too few, his charges need a dose of team ethos.  With a bye next weekend, he has a fortnight to work on it before they invite the equally troubled Saint Kilda up for some R&R.

The Moggies v The Chokers.  Another contest that says as much about the losers as the winners.  The game was played mainly in Geelong’s half of the ground.  At the end of the day they had 50% more entries into their scoring 50 than The Chokers, had 100 more possessions and were cleaner all day.  As hard as Good Old Boy Chad tried in the attacking goalsquare, Port missed the presence Jaye Schultz across the forward line.  The Moggies were never under pressure and it was only in the Championship Quarter that The Tealers managed to kick more than one goal for the term.  Then it was only three to The Handbags’ five.  They hurry home to host The Soree Settlers in Showdown XXX next Saturday night.  For The Pussies it’s Steak & Kidney up there on Saturday night.  The Dees head that way next Sunday when they test themselves against the Competition Bench Mark.

The Feeling Faints v The Gliders.  Is it about time to take this Whingy Hill Outfit seriously?  Or is it just time to write off The Culture Club.  The disposition of TLSJOF*** wouldn’t have been improved by the Channel Kerry Sunday program’s screening of the St Kilda schoolgirl exposé.  Although they’d be entitle to ask how the A grade student and gifted athlete changed so much almost overnight, that doesn’t change anything.  But surely now we can move on.  The harm has been done.  All that’s left is the healing.  The Feeling Faints have the bye to consider how they go about that.  Kim Duthie & Chicken Lips have the rest of their lives.  But let’s not take anything away from The Bombers.  They’ve smashed two of last year’s Finalists now.  Jobe Watson is leading from the front, they are dominating rucks like no Essendon side has since the days of Doug Bigelow and Geoff Leek, they have pace to burn and are their following their Coaches’ game plan  (Something they didn’t do for Knighta – Ed)  They have the Blockbuster next Saturday Arvo at the Traditional Time against Traditional Enemy Carlton to get another clip on their September Ticket.

We’ll leave you with this thought to help you through the week.  It’s from that great Student of The Game, Mahatma Gandhi –

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

Not absolutely sure about the sequence here, nor the consequence, but they’ve got it pinned up on the locker room up at Carrara.  (Maybe they should have it hung up in the rooms at Tigerland too Wrap – Ed)

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

* – FIAWG – Football is a Winter game.

** – WDTTW – Went down to the wire

*** – TLSJOF – The Long Suffering Junction Oval Faithful.

**** – OSK – One straight kick Jimbo