What a round it’s been in Footy Eddie.  On Friday night The Tigers showed The Culture Club and the rest of The Competition they are on the prowl again.  On Saturday The Mighty Magpies showed North and the rest of The Competition exactly where the bench mark for Season 2011 lay.  The Roos only consolation being that they scored more points than Gazza & The Sunshines, of whom it must be said, were all Coast and no Gold as they forfeited Round I of the We Told You So Trophy to a Bluebagger Outfit who couldn’t believe their luck.  Over in The West The Handbags held the advantage all night to win a tight one and West Coast similarly held the wood over Port in the Shadow of Mt Lofty.

Come Sunday and The RedWhite&Blue came out snarling.  They put Vossie’s aspirations into perspective, and maybe some of Fremantle’s as well.  The Bombers & The Bloods put on a show worth hitching up the Hume to catch.  In the end the maggots, fearing cold showers no doubt, gave it to The Hometeam.  Meanwhile down on The Paddock That Grew, The Mustard Pots turned a 3-13 half time scoreline into 16-26 final score to comfortably win Round I of the Stain of Merger Trophy for 2011.

After the false dawn of Round I, what do we take from Round II?  Definitely no sign of a Premiership Hangover at Victoria Park, indeed, we see a voracious craving.  (You been at the Thesaurus again Wrap? – Ed)  Essendon fell lower and quicker than a uranium stock in a tsunami.  The Cats have won tough twice now, in as many games: GTWTCO.  The Doggies may have shaken their kennel cough.  For trivia buffs – three teams have only won half a game – name them?  The Chokers, The Bad News Bears, and The Kangaroos have yet to open their account and the pool is open on when The Metermaids will open theirs.  (You don’t want to re-phrase that do you Wrap? – Ed).

On the Gold Coast & soon to be West Sydney Midgets experiment, the question will not be who they poach under the Awful Football League umbrella, but how many of their early draft picks, after maturing at these two chopping blocks, will be frustrated enough to sign with mainstream clubs once their contracts expire?  And although we don’t elect the functionaries at the Awful Football League, someone has to able to hold the Ayatollah and the Angry Ant to account.  This marketing itch is going to cost a bundle to maintain, and the extra match it adds to the round in 2012 will add two dud games the broadcasters will find hard to sell.  Remember, they still have to drag their OB gear to the ground, even if only to cover the reportable incidents.  And the Awful Football League will still have to provide the umpires and the venue, and try to entice the gouging caterers to attend.  Watch this space.

No doubt about Le Fev is there?  Picked up off the nature strip by his old club Narre Warren, he lasted 14 minutes before he let himself get drawn into a fracas that threatened to develop into a mêlée.  (There’s only one step down from the nature strip – Ed)  Giving new meaning to the jumper punch, our hero was under the showers nursing a yellow card and an invitation to boost gate takings again next weekend before you could say who’s that new blonde you’re with.  In a bizarre twist, he denied that he had been approached by Nar Nar Goon 3rds.

Meanwhile over on the Sub-continent the Little Master missed out on his 100th international century and we bade farewell to the greatest chucker the world has ever seen.  India deservedly took the World Cup and the celebrations are tipped to outdo Diwali.  Peter Roebuck reviewing the Series, picked his XI.  Significantly not one Saggy Green amongst them.   And Black Caviar – the horse with the heart as big as Phar Lap – has been listed as the world’s best racehorse

But enough of my gabbin.  Let’s see who’s feeling blue after Round II.

St Kilda v Richmond.  The Feeling Faints started strongly and The Tigers looked like The Tigers of Old.  When Jack landed on his head after a screamer – which the maggots didn’t pay it should be added – and had to be taken off, jelly-kneed, between two trainers it looked even worse.  St Kilda’s bad kicking and a couple of late goals kept them in it as they lined up for the 2nd Stanza.  Seven goals to three in that phase had Boilover written all over it.  With Jumping Jack Riewoldt providing the entertainment with a dummy spit of Richoesque proportions when the Tigerland Medicos ruled out his return to the fray, Richmond took it right up to last year’s Runners Up.  There has been much post match anguish from Moorabbin about the two opportunities in the Shadow of Full Time to steal the Four Points, but the reality is that any one of a dozen costly misses throughout the game could be sheeted home for the tied result.  Similarly, at Tigerland, the McGuane’s penalised defensive Bowden hand pass across the goal line should rank equally with Cotchin’s earlier poster from 25m as match losing plays.  Both sides can justifiably lament the two Premiership Points that got away on the night.  The Feeling Faints will be lamenting the loss of their Spiritual Leader for the remainder of the season with an AC ligament.  And at 31, maybe forever.  Next week it’s Struggletown v The Leafy East on The Big Stage for the Saturday night game.  The Sainters host Traditional Rivals Essendon for the Sunday twilight game on the Little Oval.

The Shinboners v The Maggies.  Just how destructive are Collingwood?  Just how fragile are North?  For anyone with a sensitive streak this was real cringe material.  Even Joffa would have felt uncomfortable donning the gold lamé.  The Black&White Army blitzed The Kangaroos, holding them to a lamentable 7-14 while they queued up to kick 21-17.  If North bore any semblance to a fighting force it would have to be the Libyan Rebels.  Fortunately they have the bye to regroup, but it’s going to take a might effort.  This playing group has been together long enough now for it to be taking the next step up.  It gives us no pleasure to have to say this, but from Saturday’s display they’re going in the opposite direction.  They have a 68 day wait till they get The Suns up at Metricon Stadium.  As for The Maggies, what can you say about them that hasn’t already been said.  They are getting better each week and it’s been suggested that the Ayatollah present Dane Swan with the Brownlow as part of the mid-season break entertainment.  Commentators (who really should know better – Ed) are favourably compared them to the recent Brisbane and Geelong eras.  They unfurl their 2010 Pennant in front of Carlton next Friday night as they return to their Spiritual Home for the remainder of the season.  You mean the MCG I presume Wrap – Ed)

Port Adelaide v West Coast.  The Coasters had the Power’s measure all day to win by three goals – two of those coming in behinds.  The Weagles proved far too tall and too talented for The Hosts.  They drag Sydney over to Perth next Saturday night.  The Power looked under manned and it’s going to be a long season up at Alberton.  It doesn’t get any better for them next Sunday when the alight from the team bus in the car park at Cat Central.

The Meter Maids v The Silvertails. If you like your Footy with chains, leather & whips this was the one for you.  The Fred Hesse Annihilation Scoreboard has rarely seen anything as lopsided as this slaughter.  Karmichael played a Hunt of a game.  Ablett looked and played like a teenage recruit, the defence was more nonexistent than porous and the team lacked cohesion.  If it wasn’t our money it would be hilarious.  Sadists will be lined up to watch them against The Doggies next Saturday Arvo at the Traditional Time on the ground with the retractable roof.  The Silvertails return to reality when they test their 202 percentage points against Carringbush’s 219 percentage points on Friday night in a Top of The Table clash.

The Wharfies v The Handbags. If ever a match epitomised what OUR GREAT GAME is all about, this was one of them.  When you get two clubs possessed of pride, talent and organization you are going to get a value for money contest.  With all the thrills & spills, chances taken and chances missed, Punters & STOTG alike were treated to a titanic tussle.  Worthy of more than a Round II match between a couple of fancies, both sides went at it boots & barstools.  Someone had to come out with the Eight Points, for in effect, that’s what these two contenders were playing for.  The Moggies were victorious and next week invite the Chokers down to the Cattery for Sunday lunch.  The Dockers visit the City of Churches as hosts of The Chardonnays on Saturday Arvo.

The Bulldogs v Brisbane.  No Brown no Brisbane?  It certainly looked that way as The Tricolours held The Maroons to 6-9 (45) for four quarters of dry weather football before 22,331 Faithful at The Dumb.  The book is out on the crowd for next week’s clash against The Troubled Suns on the Saturday Arvo at the Traditional Time.  While not really tested, The Bullies appeared to have re-gained some bite.  They are singing the praises of Young Libber out at Whitten Oval but Bulldog Barry’s back spasm would be a bit of a worry.  Mrs Wrap assures us that they’re not much fun.  As for The Lions, the Season looms large and long.  Their Rounds VII & XXI clashes with Big Smoke Rivals sure to decide which Queensland Team holds aloft the coveted Sylvan Shield for Season 2011.  They have The Fuchsias OTR on The G for the early one on Sunday.

Sydney v Essendon.  Just when you thought it was safe to tip them again, The Marshmallows turn around and do this to you.  Although those Whingy Hill Faithful boarding the redeye back from Kingsford-Smith on Sunday would have been justly lamenting the maggoting.  A doubtful free put The Swans in front with minutes to go.  A possible free ignored denied Stanton a shot on goal in the dying seconds of the match.  Students of The Game however may be more likely to point to Essendon’s wasteful Final Stanza 1-6 to Sydney’s 4-3 that saw their 10 point lemon time lead erode to a five point final siren loss.  After leading by five goals at one stage, it was no wonder the Whingy Hill Coach had his head in his hands.  It could have been a migraine.  Coaching can do that to you.  They get their chance to recover against The Winless Feeling Faints to close off Round III.  The Swans fly West to play the Eagles on Saturday evening.

Hawthorn v Melbourne.  The office biscuit tin money looked gone around half time as the Hawks fiddled around in attack.  3-13 is match loosing football.  Their 2nd half 13-13 wasn’t all that impressive either.  In the shaded Glenferrie lanes & surrounds, the leafblowers would be turned off long enough to point out that seven of those behinds were rushed.  All that aside, you’ll win more games than you lose with a score of 122 points.  Only Melbourne’s accuracy kept them in the contest for as long as they were.  Seventy seven points on a dry day won’t get you very far and there must be a feeling of despondency developing around the Longroom & beyond.  This is not how this season was supposed to unfold for The Redlegs.  They have the double bye – Brissy at Home and a weekend off the following week.  The Mayblooms take on The Tigers in an away match on their shared ground on the Saturday night.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Tony Robb says

    Great wrap Wrap

  2. Tony Robb says

    One might be creul and suggest that the Meremaids had more than a passing resemblance to Witches Hat on Saturday night. With the Gnats bosting a similar strip and an eqaully similar talent pool it augers well for the devolpment of the game up north

  3. John Mosig says

    Are we talking merger already Rob?

  4. Wrap – if a merger were to take place I reckon the new team might be called “The KangagoldcoastsunsRoos”

  5. John Mosig says

    It’s a murky mix down there in the twilight zone Dips. Don’t discount the West Sydney Powers too quickly either.

  6. Wrapster – the West Sydney Powers – they could be called “The Blackouts”.

  7. John Mosig says

    Good one Dips. You know your Western Sydney all right.

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