The Pre Wrap – Round VIII

For the Philosophical Marngrook Follower

Ciad Mile Failte.  What a week it’s been in Football Eddie.  Lots of advice has been floating around about The Situation at Visy Park.  Everyone’s had some for Mick, there’s been heaps for Mark LoGiudice & the Board.  Mick had some for the Board.  Kero even had some for Mark McClure.  All free advice of course, and the recipients are free to take it and free to leave it.  Mick’s advice for the Board was that all this talk of a Rebuild and a clearing of deadwood was unsettling his players.  We are devoid of confidence.  Inadvertently, whether it be the club or the press have said that we are rebuilding, well, that is a big hurdle to overcome mentally.  When you have got players who have signed for four or five years, and when you bring players into your Football Club who feel as if, “what did you bring me in here for if I’m not going to be considered in a side that is going forward instead of rebuilding?”  So there’s a big mental burden that we have to overcome, and this has a lot to do with confidence.  Any psychiatrist would read through to the heart of all that.  And so would any Footy Fan.  Although we’re not sure a theoretical linguist unversed in Mickspeak may have a good deal of trouble.  Honestly Mick, what will it take to unsettle your players.  Because they could do with a good dose of it right now.

But we’re with you on one point Mick.  The longer term future of the club has been done to death.  It’s all only schadenfreude that has us enthralled.  Not even tour Post match Pressers holds any interest.

Not sure we’re in tune with the new Father-Son rulings.  If Royce Harts Son want to play for Richmond, he should be able to be picked up as a special draft pick on it’s own, or a third round draft pick.  (Or at least have a priority on him in whichever round his name is first called – Ed)  In reality there’s not too many Gary Ablett juniors that come along.  And for once, let it be about The Fans.  How would The Sleepy Hollow Faithful feel about Gary Ablett Junior running around in the Red&Gold of Wally World from match one?  It’s all about the continuity Stupid.  Or if Matty Richardson hadn’t lined up in the # 12 of Struggletown.  Then there’s Son of Serge.  How’d you like to be the one to break the news to The Carlton Crew that SOS wouldn’t be wearing The Famous Old Dark Blue of The Only Team All Carlton Knows?

The word is that the date over in Lausanne wont be set until the snow sets in and the chairlifts start operating.  Tania said there was no point in going all that way if you’re not going to get in a bit of mogulling and shushing.  (Wise girl that one; James should listen to her more often – Ed)

Senior Associate at Downright Lie & Procrastynate, Sir Frank Downright, has assured the players there’s nothing to worry about.  He’s even coached them in a few lines they may find handy while they’re up before the Tribunal.  Ou est le bar le plus proche et A qui le tour pour entrer dans le vin chaud.  Hope it’s enough Counsellor.

And you can see why WADA doesn’t trust us to police the International Drugs Policy with complete integrity.  Player Crowley tested positive during the season but was allowed to play it out.  Once Freo had dropped out of contention his suspension was clocked on.  Now when his case comes up for judgement it’s looking like a slap on the wrist and back on the field after six months from September.  We’ve brought this trip to Suisse on ourselves.  Or rather, the AFL has.  And our International Sports Men & Women aren’t too chuffed about having the integrity of our hometown policing having to be dragged into the international spotlight.

Are you already to clean out Ladbrokes again this round?  They’ll still entertain the idea that the Current Carlton Players can score more goals than the Ex-Carlton players.  Although you may find that they’re starting to fine-tune the odds a whisker.

But enough of my gabbin’.  Let’s see who’s going to be shutting the gate after Round VIII.

The Sleepy Hollow Millionaires v The Miseries on The Paddock That Grew, tonight.  There really is nothing to see here.  Geelong.  And did you blink too, when you saw what Ladbrokes were throwing around.  Don’t know if it’s their money, but we reckon you should avail yourselves before they come to their senses.  (It’s our money Wrap.  Bagmen never have any money of their own.  Haven’t you worked out how the world works yet? – Ed)  That’s right Wrappers; it doesn’t get any better than this.  The Moggies, at $1.22, are the Wrap Investment Opportunity of The Round.

The Feeling Faints v The Wedgies under the Big Top.  The Sainters have been holding their own this season.  They’ve lost a couple of close ones and pulled off the Famous Victory of the season thus far.  (Not to mention the biggest boilover, along with Hawthorn going down ingloriously to GWS of course – Ed)  They’ll make a good account of themselves tomorrow, but that won’t be enough against The High Flying Eagles.  That having been said, invest with extreme caution here.  Rooey’s out, but these Young Saints have got something special going and High Flyers have been known to crash to earth before.

GWS v The Pride of South Australia at the Spotless Stadium at the traditional time.  Davis & Kelly are back for The Orangemen & Ellis-Yolmen & Jenkins are in for The Crows.  4th v 5th.  Should be a bottler. The Young Giants are the Excitement Machine of 2015, and are on track for a top Four Finish.  Big statement?  After this round, of the teams above them on The Ladder, (i.e. those currently in the Top Four– Ed) they play only West Coast twice and Sydney & Freo once each.  They have five matches against the bottom five sides.  Six & five equals 11.  That’s five matches against the Mediocre Seven, those with aspirations (Or pretensions – Ed) for September.  They win, say three of those, plus a boost in percentage and they’re knocking on the door of the Double Chance.  Win all five and they’re looking at a Home Final.  They don’t have to win all those cutthroat Eight Point matches Fremantle, Sydney, Port Adelaide and Hawthorn do.  If you haven’t guessed, we’re aboard the Excitement Machine around here in the Wrapcave.  The Leviathans for ours.  And thanks to Ladbroke’s perpetual generosity, $1.60 no less, they’re the Wrap Mortgage Buster of The Round.

The Ablettless Suns v The Collingwood Magglepies up at the Metricon around that 4.35 mark.  The Maggies were brave last week against The Tiges.  They coughed up a 4-goal Quarter Time lead when The Striped Marvels turned on one of their occassional blinders.  They fought back after Richmond had extended their lead to four goals early into the Championship Quarter, which showed a deal of spirit.  They regain Sidebottom & Fasolo and this should be enough to get them across the line against The Metermaids, who, let’s face it, are showing every sign of being a bloody shambles right now.  The $1.36 on the Woodsmen looks inviting, but they’re playing a team that was tipped to contest September this year.  True, they haven’t looked like it, but things can turn around pretty quickly in this caper.  Carringbush on form, but keep your powder dry.

The Mayblooms v The Bloods at THOF on Saturday night.  Hawthorn In: Lewis, Smith & Lake.  Out: Duryea, Simpkin & Litherland.  South Melbourne In: Cunningham.  Out: Towers.  Should be another bottler.  The Hawks have their spine back and they look balanced across the back half.  Ceglar looks better every week, and like a lot of ruckmen around at Glenferrie Road, his input is understated.  (You’re not thinking old Paul Dear are you Wrap?  He won a Norm Smith Medal remember – Ed)  He’ll at least break even with Pyke.  Then, if Langford can hold his own with Kennedy The Squawkers are halfway home. The Waverly Faithful will be giving their Beloved Buddy every encouragement.  The two teams are very evenly matched, but we favour The GoldenBrown at home in this one.

The Mauve Miasma v The Shinboners on the Balmy Western Edge of The Fatal Shore.  The Miasma got the fright of their season thus far against The True Sons of The West.  Rossy Lyon will have had them on the oats all week and they’ll be champing at the bit for the Roo hunt on Saturday night.  McPharlin’s back in to keep an eye on Big Drew and The Iconic Brown won’t be in the attacking pocket for The Visitors.  Then there’s the absence of their Captain.  Toddy Goldstein will keep Big Aaron Sandilands honest in the rucking duels, but that won’t necessarily give them first use of the Pigskin.  Sorry Shinboners, The Stevedores.  And at $1.22, they look juicy.  In fact, we’ve made them the Wrap Investment Opportunity of The Round for our Western Subscribers.

The Same Oldes v The Lions on the Shifting Sands for the early one on Sunday.  The Dons have regained five, including Chappy, Carlisle & Cooney.  The Boys From Old Fitzroy are bringing down Berwick, C. Beames & Blooding Dawson.  The Roys have been making some noise lately and beating up Port Adelaide was their second win on the trot.  (And their second for the season – Ed)  Can they bring that form down to The World’s Most Liveable City?  The Reloaded Bombers look to be carrying too much firepower for The Visitors.  Having said that, the midfield battle is going to be a beauty.  The Maroons could even win it, in which case The Gliders could be brought back to earth.  We’ve gone for The Marshmallows, but not with any confidence.

The Fuchsias v The Tri-colours on The Paddock That Grew at 3.20.  The Scrays OTR; are you kidding?  Jesse Hogan’s back, and so is Watts His Name for The Dees.  The Doggies are pretty much a full team.  And before you reach for the keyboard, we know Tom Liberatore is out for the season.  The Bagmen have them at $1.38, which we can’t resist.  You can pawn the first-born and sell the car for this one.  You’ll be driving a Bavarian two-door come Monday.  The Boys of The Bulldog Breed.

The Power From Port v The Tigers of Old on TPAO to round off Round VIII.  The Tiges hit a rich vein of form last week against The Pies.  They’ve got Edwards, Griffith & Arnot to chose from and they’re kicking straight.  On form they’re the better side.  Port looked very ordinary last week, but they’ve got Ollie Wines back.  OTR and back home they will take as positives.  And the knowledge that they hammered The Striped Marvels in last year’s Elimination Final.  These two have had some great tussles over the years, and the trip across to The City of Light doesn’t faze The Tiges too much.  The bet here of course is can The Tiggers build on their Self Belief from last week?  Or will it be The Tealers recover their form of last season?  The Hoff has been, except for the odd cameo, flat, and he’s not on his pat malone.  We’re going to stick our neck out in this one: Richmond.  And at $3.65 they’re the Wrap Roughie of The Round.

Good tipping and even better punting.



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About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. “Where is the nearest bar and Whose turn to get into the hot wine?” (thanks Mr Google Translate).
    Speaking of France, Wrap, the Avenging Eagle is dirty on me for getting the cheap airfares to the Champs Elysee in September. Apparently she dreamt that someone resembling me told her “we’ll avoid all the smug Dockers fans, and our current mob will finish closer to last than first”.
    Sounds like the sort of thing I used to say in my Mortgage Busting; Investment Opportunity; Stone Cold Rolled Gold Certainty days. Can’t imagine that I would be so arrogant, certain and dismissive these days.
    I do like your Tiges at the value, Mr Wrap. Port have looked pretty flat lately and you can’t start the engine if someone hocked the battery. The Tigers should be fired up to avenge last year’s finals humiliation, and they strike the Tealers at their most vulnerable.
    P.S. Do you know anyone who would like to join a virile, 30yo, wealthy young stud on a 3 week tour of France in September? Seems I will be going alone judging from the Wedgies early form and all the Simmo posters on our walls. Dunno why the AE goes for these greying older types.

  2. daniel flesch says

    Mr. The Wrap , not one of the expert commentators and tipsters whose ramblings i have read this week have considered the absence from TRP ‘s team of their inspirational and spiritual cliche of a captain . Do you not find this a significant factor in the possible outcome ? I bloody well do , and am quite nervous as a result., partly reassured only by the bagmen’s view.

  3. “They’ve got Edwards, Griffith & Arnot to chose from”

    Wonder who they will chose.

  4. The Wrap says

    They’re all stars on their day Haydos. Picking their day’s the tricky bit.

    DF, there’s been a few slogans on the walls of the lockerroom at Glenferrie Oval. One of my favourites was the handwritten one in Italian, to the tune of — if they know we can have them feeding through a straw for six months they’ll learn to respect us. Then there was the one in Frankstonese explaining shortest way to the goal line.

    A more recent one you may remember is that when one soldier goes down, another one steps up to the firing line in his place. And in an army that doesn’t salute it’s officers, therein ends the problem. Show faith Brother Flesch.

    Boy, have you blown it Mr B. Actually, the solution’s easy. I watched Hawthorn win the 2012 Flag on my iPad from an Airbnb pad in East 54th Street in the Big Apple. You just need an international emil address, such as an iCloud address, or Yahoo without the au. I used the AFL site. (Of use for once – Ed) Or if you’re in London you can set the alarm and join the throng at the Billabong Club or the Slug & Lettuce.

  5. daniel flesch says

    Thanks for your reassurance , Mr. The Wrap. Just the one quibble about something in your response to Mr. B. I think with minimum research you will find the 2012 Flag was not won by the Mustard Pots. In fact the despised enemy of the north (in whose state i reside , but that is of no consequence ) were the victors , thanks largely to a small measure of choking and a large degree of inaccurate kicking for goal at the death by one L. Franklin (as he then was ) and the usually dead-eyed J. Gunston. My disappointment emphasised by a Swans supporting neighbour who stopped me in the street to “regale” me with a Cheer cheer the red and the white …I wanted to be rude to her , but she’s about 75 years old . and no , she was not in evidence after last year’s Big One. I still think the Leaf blowers will miss their captain this week , with possibly disastrous effect , and then i’ll have to read Mme. Mathilde’s lyrical glowing report of the match. Nightmare.

  6. The Wrap says

    You’re perfectly right Brother Flesch. It was 2013. They stole that one in 2012, it’s all coming back to me now. My memory that is.

    Mrs Wrap & I will be there tonight. Courtesy of a Son who, like so many six year olds, decided to barrack for last year’s Premiers.

    Eat ’em Alive Hawkers!!!

  7. David Zampatti says

    You’re point about GWS’s soft run home is well made (it’s even softer than you’ve indicated – they’ve actually only got three games left against teams ahead of them on the ladder), but what about the dream run the AFL have gifted those bludgers from Fremantle? Hey?

    Only seven rounds in, and they don’t play A SINGLE GAME against teams ahead of them for the rest of the home and away fixture!!

  8. The Wrap says

    Good call Zampo. I don’t know how I missed that.

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