What a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  The ghosts are stirring at the Yarra Falls End as the tension continues at Victoria Park.  This time it’s Neon Leon who wants to jump ship.  Is it to be free to go with Lovable Mick to his new coaching position?  Or is it a reluctance to play under Coach-in-waiting Fig Jam?  Whatever, and who really cares anymore – but has anyone checked the wheel nuts on the Carringbush Bandwagon lately?

Talking about wheel nuts – whatever happened to good old “Good one Shaaaane”?  Every time his picture appears in the paper now he looks younger – or at least less like “Good one Shaaane”.  And those reverse cycle constipation pills he’s on are working a treat.  How about this for some verbal diarrhoea.  Shane to Liz – and we shudder to think that the line may have been delivered on bended knee“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away,” ? Good one Shaaaane.  Hope you got it off a Hallmark card and didn’t think of it all by yourself.

It’s that time of the year, and the Ornaments to The Game, Loyal Servants of The Club and Favourite Sons are making their announcements.  The Long Suffering Arden Street Faithful will see Brady Rawlins in the RoyalBlue&White Verticals for the last time in Round XXIV unless The Kangas make it through to September/October.  Out at The Western Oval there’s a rush to follow Rocket out the door.  Ben Hudson, LSoTC, FS and bar, has told TLSWOF that this is his last season as a Dog.  Joining him is Mitch Hahn LSoTC.  Mitch has his heart set on a Flag with The Willie Seagulls, and that’s looking a distinct possibility AWS.  Dean Brogan AOPtTG, LSoTC has hung up the Nikes.  His rucking partnership with Brendan Lade was legendary at Alberton in the manner of Chooka Howell and Ken Hands at Princes Park and Doug Bigelow and Geoff Leek out at Whingy Hill.  Another  Ornament to The Game, Craig Bolton has said enough is enough.  Craig’s departure signals the closure of The Bloods’ 2005 Premiership Era.  And surprize surprize, The Mermaids have their very first retirement in their very first season – Daniel Harris has found the euphoria up there too much and has returned his locker key.  Jamie Charman, a Premiership ruckman up at Brissy has found the body wearying, and Mark ‘The Duckshooter’ Williams has told Hirdy & Thommo to take him off the payroll.  We’ll miss The Duckshooter and his spontaneous on-field gestures.  It would be sad to think the likes of him may never pass our way again.  And another era passes.  Darcy Daniher, after six games and a shocking run with injuries slips quietly out of Whingy Hill at the ripe old age of 22.  All have played their part.  All have served.  All have sacrificed.  All have suffered.

And hey, it’s International Cup time.  Not that you’d know from the local media.  For all the money spent ‘promoting’ The Game, surely they could have had a media team on the case around at Jellymont House.  Someone pushing the East Timor Crocs to the fore.  Just when you need them around town and visible, the Ayatollah & Angry Adrian slip into the shadows.

Don’t you love the set-up of The Game That’s Played Around The World?  How about some of the potential Traditional Rivalries?  The Bengal Tigers v The Seth Afrikaans Lions.  The Red China Demons v The USA Revolutions – now there’s a combination for some Ideological Rivalry.  For Traditional Rivalry go no further than The British Bulldogs v The Irish Warriors.  Then there’s The Denmark Vikings and The Sweden Elks; you’d have to think they’ve been Baltic neighbours for long enough to have developed some pretty serious differences of opinion.  But us, we’ll be in The Peace Team cheer squad.  They seem to have a road map that has a chance of working, eh?

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s top of the tree after Round XXIII.

The Fremantle v Carringbush over on the western extremity of The Fatal Shore.  The TAB Sportsbet rate setters have The Barry Crockers out at $15 – and they’re playing at home.  Betfair have The Maggies in to around $1.04 and The Stevedores out at $24.  Surely they can’t be that bad?  The Pies have brought in Neon, Dawes, Krakouer & Johnson.  Mrs Wrap has suggested Freo bring in the army.  Have a Friday night off.  Take in a movie (Hangover 2’s still showing in the outer burbs – Ed), take the missus down to the local pokies, indulge yourself with an exquisite French banquet at St Anne’s.  Collingwood, by the length of the Flemington straight, and while you’d get a better price out at Car City, even the $1.01 the gnomes at TAB Sportsbet are offering is as safe as houses.

The Mustard Pots v The Tricolours on The Big Stage at the traditional time.  Not much happening here.  The Hawks tune up for September/October; The Doggies set themselves for their pre-season of distemper shots and a course heart worm tablets under their yet to announced new vet.  The Dishlickers aren’t without a chance, but then again, neither was Lasseter.  You’d give the pig hunting a miss and hitch a ride down from Balranald on a sheep transport to catch Bulldog Barry v Fullback of The Year Gibson slugging it out; and Buddy & Cyril are more value than a trip to the penguins.  The Mighty Fighting Hawks for us, and if you can find a caring broker who’ll let you have $1.10 or better don’t let him out of your sight.

The Pivotonians v The Bloods down at The Cattery at the traditional time.  Sydney stunned St Kilda last round to keep their September hopes alive.  It’s not clear whether this told us more about Sydney or Saint Kilda.  What is clear is that after their 11 point ‘narrow’ escape a fortnight ago over in the City of Churches, The Handbags will be loaded with housebricks for this one.  There will be player cams on the Tomahawk and Scarlett in preparation for the Finals, and some interest in the shootout between Stevie J and the jPod, but once The Lakers’ brave beginning is snuffed out, watch for The Fred Hesse Annihilation Scoreboard down at Kardinia Park.  The Moggies in a good hitout for next week.

The Feeling Faints v The Shinboners under cover on Saturday night.  The Saints were pathetic last weekend, and you wouldn’t blame Coach Lyon for considering a coaching career beyond The Culture Club.  Sure, denials have been voiced, but the toxins of suggestion must surely be seeping in down at Seaford.  They’ve dropped Lynch and Steven Baker to bring in Kossy and Icon Zac.  That in itself must be sending shivers down the collective spine of TLSJOF.  The Bagmen have it about right, but we feel The Roos are hopping mad to get into that barley crop in the top paddock, and at $2.10 we’ve got the red bullet beside North Melbourne for this one.  They’ve got some momentum up and Coach Bradley has even got Daniel Wells firing consistently.  That’s right folks, The Shinboners are our candidate for The Wrap Roughie of The Round.

The Brisbane Lions v The Coasters tomorrow night up at The Gabbatoir.  This is a real danger game for The Weagles.  It’s the longest road trip on the calendar and the weather has been less than beautiful-one-day perfect-the-next.  Even the dolphins at Marine World have spoken to their union rep about it.  But Eddie The Eagle has been flying high over the last few weeks, and with only half a game grip on the highly prized Double Chance and a Home Final, The Coasters are not likely to drop their guard.  The Maroons will make a good fist of it, and The Gabba will be packed, but the locals will only get some promising signs for next season.  And if the roller coaster Bourse is making your piles bleed, shift your risk to The Eagles; they look very inviting at $1.30.

The Pride of South Australia v The Tigers in the shadows of Mt Lofty for the early one on Sunday.  Both sides have lifted their game over the last three weeks.  The Crows have come off the barbed wire fence under Acting Coach Bickley, and The Tiges have final realized that this is serious.  Richmond always look better with Tucky at the centre bounce, as his 18 contested possessions last week testify.  And the rest of the midfield is firing.  But The Chardonnays aren’t without their guns, and they too are playing Inspired Footy.  The Bagmen have The Tiges out at $3.00.  There’s plenty of value there if you want to take on the risk associated with a young side, albeit, one on a winning streak.  We’ve given Jumping Jack enough chances to come good.  Last season he had several spectacular grabs on the Mark of The Season short list.  This year he has none.  At the other end of the ground the Adelaide spearhead has found his footing and his hands.  We’re suggesting this will be the difference.  The Wrap lounge room will be decked out in the Yellow&Black of Struggletown, but we’ll be going for The Crows in the office tipping competition.

The Fuchsias v The Sunbeams at THOF on Sunday at the traditional time.  Students of The Game will be flocking to this one.  Some of the match-ups are monumentally breathtaking.  Frawley on Nathan Ablett; Thompson on Jack Who?  Karmichael Hunt v the Ball.  And at $1.08 the Dees look safer than the member for Dobell.  The Redlegs

The Bombers v The Chokers to wind-up proceedings at The Dumb.  This one’s a no brainer.  The Dons.  Take them to kick The Sweep too.

This week it’s The Silvertails who will be putting their feet up.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

Last week’s match-ups proved a bit tricky for some.  And they probably were.  Try this lot.

Dean Martin can make a plate of cooked spaghetti seem tense.

She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.

They don’t hardly make ‘em like him any more – but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway.

While he was not dumber than an ox he was not any smarter either.

James Thurber

Hunter s Thompson

W. Somerset Maugham

Frank Sinatra

Elizabeth Taylor


How’d you go?  A couple of them are dead give aways there, eh?


About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. John Butler says

    Lasseter. That’s gold TW! :)

  2. John Mosig says

    Ouch JB!!

  3. Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses – Elizabeth Taylor

    Dean Martin can make a plate of cooked spaghetti seem tense – Frank Sinatra

    They don’t hardly make ‘em like him any more – but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway – Hunter s Thompson

    She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit – W. Somerset Maugham

    While he was not dumber than an ox he was not any smarter either – James Thurber

    And one from me:

    “That boy couldn’t hit the side of a barn with the side of a barn!” – Foghorn Leghorn

  4. I watched about 30 minutes (on and off) of the Collingwood game tonight and my considered, temperate, and dispassionate view is that they are fucking awesome. Am I telling you something you didn’t know? Am I late on the scene? Whatever. Get to the MCG and get a look at them. You will not be disappointed. They are the real deal. They are the advertisement for what footy is and what it stands for.

  5. John Mosig says

    Ahhh; good old Foghorn Leghorn. How did you know he’s one of my favourite Hollywood actors Rick? Boy can he deliver a line? “You’re built, I say son you’re built too close to the ground. The fast ones go clean over your head”. Even John Trevolta, in his day, on his day, couldn’t deliver that line.

    I watched the last quarter of the match – the Fremantle revival phase. Awesome indeed. And they look as though they could do it all again next year – even without Mick, eh?

  6. Another teriffic win by the mighty Hawks, with some Buddy brilliance sprinkled on top.

  7. Andrew Fithall says

    Geelong’s Kelly would have to be a bit worried about the prospects of a match review report for his shirtfront of Cameron Ling.

  8. John Butler says

    Not as worried as Daisy AF.

    That will be a test for the MRP.

  9. John Mosig says

    One week for the Daisy Cutter, max. and I haven’t seen the footage yet.

  10. “Son, you’re as sharp as a bowling ball” Leghorn, F.

  11. Two weeks for Daisy. No time off for early pleas or good behaviour. Haven’t seen the incident yet. No need to.
    Unbiased of Perth.

  12. hey gigs!
    take a look at essendon’s for and against at today’s completion of their season.
    i venture to say this has never happened before!
    and i’m probably wrong!


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