What a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  Hands up those who thought the recidivist Franklin got off lightly with one week?  Do you get the impression he would have been a handful of a kid?  And what are we going to do about the sling tackle?  You have to be honest, they are designed to hurt.  As Yabby used to say – hurt the body and the head follows.  Unsociable?  Of course.  But who said we are about social development at the Elite Level?

Helmets may be the answer.  There’s an under 10 team down in the Frankston & District Junior Football League that wears them, and they look very business like, in their Yellow & Black strips too.  It’s like running out against a bunch of gladiators.  You fear for your grandson running out against them.  (Do we need to remind anyone of the greatest gladiator of them all at the Elite Level here Wrap?  A clue, he played for St Kilda. – Ed)

Speaking of handfuls, if shooting Bambi was such a problem when he was playing, how are they going to get rid of him if the Bambi’s Bombers Experiment continues to implode?  (You predicted this didn’t you Wrap? – Ed)

The twittering continues.  If the Appalling Football League was really serious about The Game it would ban these birdbrained inanities.  First we had Little Gazza’s stuck in Bleak City again.  Grounded by the ash cloud, Our Hero had to train alone in the chilly Melbourne weather ‘2morro’.  What language do they speak in twitterland?  Then we learn from the Mr Tatts’ twitter page that he was dragged out of bed at six in the morning for a drug test while he was having some R&R in Arizona.  Who ever thought that such innocuous, mundane whines could stir up so much news coverage?

Any one catch Rohan Smith’s little 15 minutes of fame last weekend?  And of those that did, how many were carried back to their junior footy days when the umpire was usually one of the coaches, or at least a parent.  They’d encourage their junior charges while umpiring the match.  Endearing memories, but surely not necessary at The Highest Level.  You get stuck into them Adrian.

We may have seen a chance slip by.  With Channel Rove dropping Footy, there is going to be a keen game of musical chairs amongst the commentators.  What a chance to split the saccharine tones of the Velvet Fog and Mr Special.  In fact what a time to retire Mr Special altogether, wheeling him out only for special events like the Olympics.  What’s Saturday night going to be like without Before The Game?  They’ll be axing Iron Chef next.

Which brings us to the question, apart from the viaducts, what have the Murdochs ever done for us?

RIP – did I see Stirling Moss has gone to the Big Aintree in The Sky?  I’m old enough to have seen him steer his Masarati with his knees around the Powerhouse S bends while he polished his driving goggles.  True, it was during practice, but it impressed the bunch of 16 year olds who had left their grids under the railway viaduct over on Canterbury Road and made their way on foot to mingle with the crowd free of charge.

Intelligent mouth guards now already?  To measure the force of a ‘hit’ during the game.  Another step towards virtual Footy?  The AFLPA should take note while they’re pushing their pay claims, eh?

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s going to be most seen in Round XIV.

The Mayblooms v The Gliders on The People’s Ground to open proceedings.  The Hawks have been forced short, The Bombers tall.  This will be a beauty just from that point.  The Marshmallows need a lift, and beating their Blood Enemies from the Leafy East would be just the tonic they need to pick up their season.  Equally, The Mustard Pots need to maintain their momentum in the face of some crippling injuries and the suspension of Franklin for carelessness.  (Have we seen an apology yet from Buddy on his twitter page for letting down his teammates and supporters? – Ed)  Ward Rooney has the isolated light showers easing off by evening, but it will still be blustery.  The swirling winds of the MCG and the glare of the lights will suit the ground players and pacy movers.  Both sides display plenty of the latter.  A tough one this.  The long and the short of it is  – can a good little man beat a good big man?  They can if your good little men are Riolli, Burgoyne, Osborne and Mitchell.  And especially if your good big men are Hillie, Ryder, Bellchambers and Fletcher.  We’ll stick with the status quo here, but wouldn’t be the least bit surprized to see The Dons get up.  They don’t look half bad when they’re on song and their porous defence may not be under as much stress as usual.

GCFC v The Western Bulldogs at somewhere called the Metricon.  (Sounds like that virtual football you’re so worried about has started already Wrap – Ed)  For The Gold Coast Kids, McKenzie & Day are having an early night and Harris, Liddy & Gorringe have been omitted.  You’ll be pleased to know Little Gazza made it back to warmer climes.  The Doggies have brought back Bulldog Barry probably for his final game against The Metermaids.  It will be something these youngsters can tell their grandchildren – I played on the same oval as BBBBarry.  And that The Desperate Doggies mauled them by over a ton.  The Tricolours.  The Bagmen have their doubts about The Kennel Coughs, and they’re certainly not on their pat malone, but you’d have to take some risk at $1.15.  Maybe not the rent money, but you could certainly go without fags for a week.

Richmond v Melbourne on THOF at the traditional time.  There’s been more said and written about this one than Julia Gillard’s hairdresser.  But with less conclusion.  I can’t separate them so I’m going with my heart.  And here’s why.  With Big Browne growing in stature as he gets the game time big blokes need to develop, the Richmond midfield is getting some steady ball from the clearances at last.  Also, they had to lift a couple of times when Brisbane came at them last week, and lift they did.  They’re evenly matched against their opponents in the midfield and it will be one to hitch in from Mooroolbark to catch.  Vickery is proving a better CHF than Jack Who, but both seem a week-by-week propositions.  This will be a big match for both.  Frawley v Riewoldt is another great duel with implications for the future as well as this Saturday.  The Future Full Back of The Century had a lot of help last time these two emerging sides met, both from teammates and the maggots who, it must be said, couldn’t find it in themselves to penalizing the mauling Jack received.  It’s a multi pronged Tiger attack now and the Redleg defence wont be able o be so Jack conscious.  Jamar in the other goalsquare will be a handful, but he may find himself called on to negate Browne’s ruck dominance around the ground.  The Push-up King will be missed but the return of Batchelor will strengthen the defence, or anywhere Coach Hardnose chooses to play him.  The Dees will be fired up after their Resounding Victory over Flaky Freo, but The Tiges had the better hitout against Brissy.  Eat ‘em Alive Tigers!!

Steak & Kidney v The Mighty Magpies up at the Other Olympic Park on Saturday night.   The Swans should never be under rated, especially up in Sin City.  But the loss of Mumford (They certainly had a busy night at the Star Chamber on Tuesday, eh? – Ed)  and the return of Swan & Thomas should swing it Collingwood’s way.  Goodes is having a greet season but so is Cloke.  And while Cloke’s trips to the hypnotherapist are paying off, Goodes’ hasn’t yet seen the need to do something about his errant boot.  Carringbush, and good to have back amongst us Joffa.  The Sage typesetters surely have this the wrong way round – It must be Collingwood at $1.15 and The Bloods at $5.  Whatever it is, take as much on The Woodsmen as you can sneak out of the house.  Punters and SOTG alike will be closely watching the effect of the bye and sending players off for amid-season break.

The Barry Crockers v The Bad News Bears west of sunset on Saturday night.  It would be good to be able to give The Roy Boys some encouragement after their brave effort against The Tigers last week, but the truth of the matter is that they’re a  long way from home and their up against a September Aspirant OTR.  An opponent that has regained the services of Sandilands, Bradley and Palmer.  No sign of Mundy & Ballantyne in Freo’s line up so you’d have to say they’re not playing this week.  Nevertheless, it’s still The Dockers to Send Them Down Below.

The Handbags v The Pride of South Australia at Skilled Stadium for the fourth last time ever.  The Tabbies suffered during the purge and lost Stokes and Hunt, and were lucky not to lose Corey.  They also lost Vardy & Milburn to injury.  The Big Tomahawk gets another chance in the vacuum created.  Adelaide are all over the shop like a burst bag of wheat.  They could upset The Ladder Leaders, but not for long.  The Moggies.

The Miseries v The Coasters at the Bottom End of The City on Sunday.  This is without doubt the biggest match of the round.  The Coasters have been playing some inspired Footy.  They’ve had good wins over Melbourne (52 pts) and in the Derby (33 pts).  They rewarded a woeful Bulldog effort with a 123 point belting and went down to Collingwood over here by 52 points the next week.  The Bluebaggers too have been playing some pretty smart Footy.  They sit one win below TRP with wins against Melbourne (47 pts), Port (62 pts), The Lions (61 pts) and Sydney (34 pts) over the last four rounds.  All but the Port match were played in Bleak City.  And it should be pointed out that this challenge too is in the Place for a Village.   Of course there’s match-ups galore.  Judd & Murphy v Selwood & Kerr.  Cox v Warnock/Kreuzer.  Garlett v Embury.  Gibbs v Kennedy.  La Cras v anyone who can get near him.  And won’t Josh Kennedy be keen to show his old side what a mistake they made letting him go.  I’ll tell you what, with The Bagmen easing off the reins here, and at the risk of missing out on those Princes Park Bandwagon tix, I think I’ll go for The Eagles at $4.00 to spring a surprize on what may well turn out to be The Over Confident Silvertails.  Naturally that would make them The Wrap Roughie of The Round.

Port Adelaide v The Shinboners in the shadows of Mt Lofty for the twilight match on Sunday.  The Chokers always look better when Davey Rodan and Jay Schulz are in the line-up.  The Northerners board the Overlander  minus McMahon for personal reasons.   They look too strong and have too much at stake to let this one slip.  But The Power can turn it on when they’re in the right frame of mind, and The Roos will have to hop to it to make sure they pouch the Four Points.  We’ll stick with them, but with a queasy feeling in the old tummy tum tum.

And if ever a side needed a freshen up it would be The Culture Club.  St Kilda have the bye.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

The Briagolong Bomber has sent in the 2011 Mid Season Darwin Awards.  (No Nurelle, Buddy getting reported for the 3rd time this season didn’t win it – Ed)  The one below didn’t win either – it came in at number 4.  But for ours it’s got to go close to the People’s Choice.

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.  Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.  He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.  The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.


About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Have been talking to young Mav Weller’s grandfather and father recently John.

    They certainly think that Buddy got of lightly.

  2. John Mosig says

    There’s far too many of them getting off lightly Phanto – especially if they’re a crowd puller. No co-incidence that the one week ban freed the repeat offender to return for the Collingwood match?

    You don’t get paid $2.2 a year without being market savvy, eh?

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