The Pre Wrap – Round VI

by John Mosig


What a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  The Gnomes in the Bowels of Jellymont House have extracted $1.253 billion from the broadcasters for the Ayatollah’s next five-year plan.  We haven’t heard from the Oval Office yet but Sydney’s Dual Brownlow Medallist has put his hand up on behalf of the players.  And there’s a lot of talk about ploughing a fair share of it into Grass Roots Football (Because bulls**t makes grass grow are we to presume? – Ed) and a level playing field.  You’d back the discovery of perpetual motion before you’d see the fabled level playing field wouldn’t you?  After over 100 years of Football the closest they ever got was the Coulter Law – and stripping The Silvertails of 2-years of draft picks.

But let’s not get too excited.  The Sun might be beaming down on the Gold Coast at the moment, but there’s plenty of work to do before they start pouring through the turnstiles up there.  Between them and GWS, we’ll see a healthy slice of that one point something billion vanish in the magical trick of propping up the pair of them.

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s going to be doing tricks after Round VI.

The Coasters v The Fuchsias.  Did you hear the one about the horse that came into the bar?  The barman said – why the long face?  Well there’ll be some elongated faces in the Longroom as Melbourne’s season unravels once more.  Two wins against the Queensland representatives and a dishonourable draw against Steak & Kidney is all they have to show so far.  Throw in a couple of drubbings and the bye looks inviting.  The Weagles are on 3&2 and are getting better with each passing week.  The Dees would be their best win if they pull it off, but the honourable losses to The Bloods & The Mayblooms have ensured their percentage is positive.  Fair dinkum, put a red circle around them.  The Redlegs?  Get as much on Coach Bailey as the Coach Most Likely as The Bagmen will let you take.

The Swans v The Miseries on The Other Cricket Ground tonight.  Channel Kerry is running this one against the Royal Wedding.  I can tell you now, he’s not going to get very far with that one in The Wrap Household.  Mrs Wrap has the fire set and the Wrap Loungeroom decked out in Union Jacques and photos of Will’s oldies going down the aisle all those years ago.  And her a good republican too!  It just goes to show you, doesn’t it? The Blues are travelling thereabouts without looking all that threatening.  They fell in last week against The Enigmatic Crows and fell five goals short when they measured themselves again The Competition Benchmark.  The Lakers are also thereabouts.  Both sides have their gamebreakers, but we get the feeling that Sydney up there will have that little bit too much for the hot&cold Blues.  If you want to go for the draw, this is the one, so even are these two.  In fact, we’re going for it.  Scores to be all tied up at full time.

The Shinboners v The Chokers at The Bottom End of The City at the Traditional Time – Saturday Arvo with a 210 ball up.  Both these Outfits have put their hand up for the Coveted Sylvan Shield in 2011 and this match will be hotly contested.  Both have made three unforced changes.  Neither deserves to be tipped with any confidence.  The Chokers have had a couple of 10 goal plus hidings yet came from nowhere to crunch The Chardonnays in the Showdown.  North have also been creamed – when they ran into Collingwood in Round II.  They also lost narrowly against Richmond & West Coast.  Both times they were in winning positions.  Not the sort of effort that is likely to endear you to a coach who learnt his trade from a chap called Lethal Leigh.  It should be a rollicking sort of game, but the consensus around here in the Wrapcave is that The Norsemen be Joining In The Chorus & Singing One & All for their 1st win of the season.

Struggletown v Brissy at THOF on the Saturday night.  In breaking through for their Maiden 2011 Victory last week, The Tiges again demonstrated that Coach Hardnose is getting his Young Charges playing some Shock&Awe Football.  They bring in Bachelor for the undisciplined Jackson but getting Tuckie back in the 1st Ruck is a bonus.  The Roys have regained Maguire and Beams.  It won’t be enough.  Richmond at home will be far too strong at the ball and Jumping Jack Riewoldt will be calling Merrett another ginger.  It’s Struggletown for us here in Wrapland, and with Ward Rooney forecasting a perfect night for Football, Jack will kick close to 10.

The Chardonnays v The Feeling Faints in the Shadows of Mt Lofty on Saturday night.  Form means nothing for these two.  It’s which game they unpack on match day.  Based on nothing more than intuition, we reckon it’s time for the Culture Club to forget all the crap that’s dogged them this season and get down to some Serious Footy.  There’s no better place to test yourself than in front of the Rabid Adelaide Mob.  And at better than even money, The Sainters are The Wrap Roughie of The Round.

Essendon v The Metermaids under cover for the early one on Sunday.  The Dons should find the going a little easier this weekend.  Bock hasn’t helped The Gen Y’ers by falling foul of the Invertebrates at Jellymont House, but it will make no difference to the outcome.  The Dons are persisting with the triple towers policy and there’ll be a lot of focus on Paddy Ryder’s game.  The Gliders to have the lacker band wound to the limit for this one.  Look to the margins for value – 100+ is not out of the question.

Carringbush v Footscray on The Paddock That Grew on the Sunday.  Big Jolly has been rested again for this one & Andrew Krakouer gets another run for The Monochromes.  The Tricolours have Higgins & Hudson out with soreness and Bulldog Barry is out with an ankle injury.  With his replacement over in Londinium on royal duties, Bazza has chosen a bad time for his aging body to show the strains of a long career.  This is definitely a game too far for The Scrays.  And at $1.12, The Woodsmen represent better value than Telstra just at the moment.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

Mrs Wrap suggested we look more deeply into our souls on this weekend of joyous celebration, in the passage of which the future king of Australia takes his queen.  We thought the words of Goethe fitted the bill.

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Sticking my neck out: the Scrays are ravaged by injury but they are big chance on Sunday evening.

  2. John Mosig says

    Ravaged by injuries & Self Doubt Gigs. I know they usually play well against The Pies – but ………………….

  3. John Butler says

    Shame about that Judd fellow being an ageing croc TW. :)

    Signed, happy bluebagger.

  4. John Mosig says

    I doffs m’ lid JB.

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