What a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  And what a round we have in store for us.  Two top sides slug it out for the Minor Premiership.  The two up and comers decide which Flag flies high over their co-tenanted ground.  Two Born To Rule Swaggerers slug it out to establish The Competitions Biggest Disappointment For Season 2010.  And if that’s not enough, there’s The Battle for The Coveted Sylvan Shield in The West and Kevin v Jewellia on the hustings.  What more could you possibly ask of a round of Football?  And don’t say lower food & beverage prices Ed, because it just ain’t gunna happen.

Did everyone catch Wallsie’s column today.  The ex-Carlton CHF’s got more twists & turns than a Labor Party campaign hasn’t he?  If his Top Four prediction earlier in the season was meant to boost The Silvertail’ Self Belief, what’s this one all about?  No effort.  No game plan.  No cattle.  No chance.  What happened to No Coach & no Committee?  Anyway, let’s see if it spurs them.

But enough of my gabbin.  We’re on the home turn and the pickings are lean. So let’s see who’ll be still on the scene after Round IXX.

The Gliders v The Miseries on the Big Stage for Friday Night Football.  Both these outfits have been a disappointment this season.  Both expected to do well, both have some impressive scalps on their belt, both have been, as Ted Bullpit would surely tell you, a bloody shambles.  Forget the team sheets in the Butcher’s shop window.  This is all about who turns up to play.  Carlton were, save for Carringbush saving themselves for a more important encounter the following round, last weekend’s Biggest Loser.  After being called to task publically by their Coach, and now a leading commentator with Optus Oval credentials, we can expect some Fearless Football from Les Misérables.  The Dons too have something to prove to themselves and repay their Faithful.  On current form it would have to be The Marshmallows but on overall performance the needle swings toward Princes Park.  To the Football Public, this is a match made in Heaven.  Watching these two belt the bejesus out of each other is just the very best way to start off the Round.  Changing the rucks at FF suggests the Caretaker has a plan.  The Bluebaggers have made three changes – one forced.  They’ll miss Yarran.  When the Three Amigos get on their horse there’s little a defence can do to prevent a shot on goal.   True, The Blues were monstered by The Woodsmen, but they’re not on their Pat Malone there this season.  Look, we said we’d never back The Bombers again after they let us down so many times, but we just can’t help ourselves around here in Wrapland.  One last chance – The Buckled Up Bombers.  And may the best beleaguered coach win.

North v Freo at the far end of Bourke Street at the traditional time on Saturday.  The Kangaroos were rightly culled last weekend by The Gillards.  The Dockers did some culling of their own, the West Coast Coach among the probable victims of the slaughter.  However, the queue outside the medical room lengthens in direct proportion to Fremantle’s chances of winning.  The Selectors at Arden Street have reacted savagely to their humiliation and dropped three and lost one.  However, they have retained a solid line-up.  The Anchormen have lost Man Mountain & Brownlow Chance Laurie Sandilands, the yapper & livewire Ballantyne as well as backline mainstay Tarrant.  You’d have to lean the way of The Roos wouldn’t you?

Steak & Kidney v The Squawkers on the Other Cricket Ground at 14.10 hours on Saturn’s day.  The Disciplined Swans v The Undisciplined Hawks.  Dennis-Lane has been given another chance after his woeful début against The Tigers.  The Mayblooms have lost Riolli to a fit of pique unworthy of a Scotch Boy, and dropped Skipper & Whitecross. (Cyril – if you’re going to throw a dozen punches, you should be able to land at least a couple of them – Ed)  The Leaveblowers have been subdued out in The Leafy East over the last three rounds.  With every chance to make the Four, The Hawks muffed their lines.  It’s been said before, and no doubt it will be said again, but GTWTCO, and this Waverly Outfit just isn’t winning them.  You would like to think they’ll beat The Bloods, even up there.  Melbourne mauled them on The G and Geelong won on the bit up in Leggoland.  However, even when they’re down, The Bloods are never out.  We’re going for The Hawks, if for no other reason than they’re OTR.  Roughie just has to have that breakout game, and we’re tipping it’s going to be this one.  The Family Club.

The Handbags v The Collywobbles at The Peoples’ Ground on Saturday night.  Jimmy Bartel is back with The Moggies.  Carringbush have regained Shaw & Presti.  This is going to be a classic.  Whoever gets to play it on their terms will be the winner.  This means winning first use if the ball.  Bomber has let the Suns’ Captain in Waiting have his way and he runs in the 1st Ruck.  The three Blind Mice include Beitzel Medal favourite maggot McInerney & maggot Roseberry, both known for their hair trigger whistles.  Let’s hope they swallow them for this one.  We said last week that the Geelong side was made up of grown men.  Well, this Collingwood side isn’t far behind them in maturity, and certainly not in precise ball skills (Excluding Travis surely Wrap – Ed)  and Self Belief.  And we think they have enough to get them over the line.  The science behind the call is that The Pie’s forwards are more likely to score against The Moggies’ backs than vice versa.  You watch, Nathan’s instructions will be for Dawes/Leroy to play from the goalsquare to keep Scarlett on the chain and create those goalsneak opportunities the likes of Neon, Diddums, Beams, Sidebottom, Thomas & Ball just love.  Of course there are those cynical SOTG who are suggesting that this will be Collingwood’s last big win before the Collywobbles set in, but something tells us around here at The Wrap that this Victoria Park Outfit is the genuine article.  BTW Eddie, if you’ve got the time from your duties at the Oval Office, could you pls drop in at Membership – our Bandwagon Tix haven’t arrived in the mail yet.  The Woodsmen, with the B class Swan to knock up another three vote game.

The Coasters v The Bad News Bears on the balmy shores of the Oceania Indicus on Saturday night.  Le Fev is out with a groin, which in all honesty, he’s been battling for some time now.  (Along with a few other medical problems – Ed)  Big Bad Jonathon Brown has filled the goalsquare vacancy. With so much at stake, and the way they’re playing, we’re tipping The Weagles are going to put their Spoon Chances on the line here and take the Four Points.  Sorry Vossy – Eric is going to be Flying High after this one.

The Sainters v The Power on the Shifting Sands for the early one on Sunday.  The Dons sat The Saints on their backside last weekend and Port outplayed The Mustard Pots.  However, The Saints OTR aren’t The Mayblooms ahead-of-themselves.  Saint Kilda have blooded a couple of new chums and we wish Luke Miles & Tom Simkin all the very best in their début game.  The Feeling Faints will win this, and win it well.  Normally we’d suggest taking as much as the $1.22 on offer as you can get, but The Wrap Crystal Ball has been on the fritz all week, and the swirling mists just won’t form a clear vision.  Grain & sugar future offer more value this weekend.

The Fuchsias v The Wasps on The Paddock That Grew for the Channel Sept broadcast on Sunday.  Jimmy’s Redlegs are the form side of the moment.  They smashed the Tinseltowners a fortnight ago and held off The Lions up at The Gabbatoir last week.  The Tiges, after a couple of beltings are back on track.  The Dees regain Miller, Malone & Trengrove.  The Tigers get to call on Rance, Collins & Vickery. The two they would like to call on are Cotchin & Foley.  Look, we’re not saying Richmond can’t win, but they’ve been winning by default.  Adelaide & Sydney kicked themselves out of the match and Freo made a silly interchange misjudgement that let the Tiges regain momentum.  The Wrap Loungeroom will be decked out in the Yellow&Black of Struggletown, but the tip will be for The High Flying Flag.

Adelaide v Footscray in The Shadows of Mt Lofty to close off proceedings.  The Pride of South Australia has been well and truly dinted over the last fortnight.  After taking TTTBFTF to the cleaners at Crow Park they lost The Showdown and blew the rebound match against the fast finishing Tigers.  Now they’re without the playmaker Dangerfield.  The Doggies are unchanged.  Now The Kennel Coughs haven’t inspired a lot of confidence over the journey this sdeason, however, we feel they’ve found the worming tablets and had their distemper shots in time for September.  And if you’ve got some spare dosh burning a hole in your pocket, at $1.36 they don’t look too bad.  However, in a season full of uncertainties, this might be the weekend to eat out rather than invest.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Andrew Fithall says

    I love your poetry Wrap. And your tips. I didn’t properly thank you for the Melbourne tip last week. My only question is how does “scene” and “lean” rhyme with “eye ex ex”?

  2. John Butler says

    AF, I’ll lend you an abacus.

    TW, I hope you’re right about the “Miseries”, but I wouldn’t put the house on it.

    FWIW (not much on this season’s form), I reckon the Handbags may want to prove a point on Saturday night.

  3. Andrew Fithall says

    “want” and capability are not the same thing JB. Getting nervous…

  4. John Mosig says

    We count in Latin and write in English around here at Le Conclure. Nineteen rhymes with scene AF. And there’s going to be two teams with a point to prove on Saturday night. Friday night’s fizzer proved one – don’t trust either of them.

    Keep an eye on The Tiger on Sunday. The crystal ball is starting to clear. Swirling images of a Tiger wearing a medallion – a Coleman Medallion – flit through parting mists.

    Not sure who I tipped on Friday Night now JB. Started off The Miseries, but changed my mind by the end of the summary. Forgot to change the by-line. One thing’s for sure, I’ll never trust those Marshmallows again.


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