The Beeaanly Bugle: The Beeaans Go Bang!


The Beeaans Go Bang! 


On a fateful day in early March 2020, The Beeaans became a real team. On this eventful day, The Beeaans won their first ever game. That’s right, 33 points to 30, over fellow E grade cellar dwellers Vipers Venom, The Beeaans won a game.


Taking an early halftime lead, up 15-10, The Pigwan had eight points, Skip had five, and No Ice had two. Things were looking okay for The Beeaans, who were already planning on going out for parmas and beers afterwards, were starting to believe. As the second half started, Grandpa Bean kicked off the scoring for our lads, before another miracle, Kamanchi opened up his bag of tricks and drained a deep three, his first bucket for The Beeaans. From the sidelines, an eruption of cheers, and on the court, a barrel of laughter as Kamanchi touches his tattoo, designed to look like a collection of wires and circuits. He’s built different, this man. Except he’s not just a man, he’s a machine. He knows it, the boys know it, and now, Vipers Venom knows it.


Kamanchi flexing his guns.



Kamanchi, a man who had barely touched a basketball a few months earlier, has worked tirelessly to not be a liability on the basketball court. He’s been hitting the gym, working on his shooting, and showing some serious improvements. While he still does have his moments of questionable basketball IQ, how far he has come is phenomenal, and just shows what kind of person he is, and that kind of person is someone who just does not like losing. Kamanchi is Kobe, MJ, all those guys known for not giving up, and if only he had the talent to back it up, the world would know his name.


The rest of the second half saw Skip score a further six points, Grandpa Bean another five, and Moss scoring two. The final score of 33 being enough to take down their opponents. Skip finished with 11, Pigwan with eight, Grandpa Bean with seven, Kamanchi with three, and finally, No Ice and Moss with two apiece. In addition to this, Lockstock decided he was in the WWE, not E grade domestic basketball, whacking every opponent that came close to him, finishing with four fouls. One shy of being fouled out- a classic Lockstock manoeuvre.


Lockstock, another one of The Beeaans who has barely played any sport in his life, has taken it upon himself to not focus on the offense, knowing that we can’t have 5 blokes scoring on every possession, and instead made it a goal to be a defensive stalwart, and by god can the man impact a shot. He won’t get you 4 blocks a game, but he’ll get back in transition and stop an open layup, put himself in the key, putting his body on the line and draw an offensive foul, and just give you the defence not seen often in low grade basketball. Lockstock is our Draymond Green, the defensive heart and soul of The Beeaans.


The final two minutes were tense, with a free throw going in for the Vipers, the game was locked in with a slim Beeaans lead, just 31-28. Skip extended the lead, pushing the margin out to five points, with just under 90 seconds remaining. The five on the court were all keeping one eye on the scoreboard, and one on the ball, as the Vipers, scoring what would end up as the final scores of the night, sliced the lead down to three. With now under a minute on the clock, there were thoughts of just trying to hold the ball for the rest of the clock. A cheap move, especially in E Grade, but if that’s what it would take to win the game, most of The Beeaans were not above doing that. As the ball got whipped out to Grandpa Bean, he decided that E Grade domestic was far too low to actually consider holding out the clock. His shot rimmed out, and the Vipers had ten seconds left to even up the scores. Luckily for us, that shot was no good, thanks to some solid double-teaming close out defence, that shot was no good, and The Beeaans were victorious. At long last, we had won a game, and there was a glimmer of hope, that this may not be the last time it would happen.



The Pigwan lets everyone know he has ice in his veins.



There was one final game in this season, and you guessed it, another loss. A close loss, but a loss nonetheless, and with that, COVID took the rest of the season from The Beeaans, and E grade was over. A first season that ended with a last place, in the lowest division, The Beeaans literally could not get lower than last place in E grade.


Come back next week, where you’ll find out more about The Beeaans, their second season, and how their grading games went (spoiler alert- not well).




To read more of the Beeaanly Bugle by Connor Hoetzel click HERE



The Tigers (Covid) Almanac 2020 will be published in 2021. It will have all the usual features – a game by game account of the Tigers season – and will also include some of the best Almanac writing from the Covid winter.  Pre-order HERE


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