The 2020 Louis Pasteur Cup – Round 2


Greetings Tipsters


‘Twas a strangely one-sided round this weekend. Several genuine thrashings, only two reasonably close games – and one team surprisingly competitive. Still, it was almost to be expected, with a lot of 2019’s better teams playing 2019’s worse teams.


Was I the only one to notice one of Eddy McGuire’s kids saying “Rack off Dad” just after the siren Thurseve? Ed was cranky but Collingwood had put up a good fight. Dusty’s two quick goals early in the fourth made the difference. Richmond 15.10.100, Collingwood 12.11.83.


Frinite at the SCG, Swans did the mortar and pestle thing; Bombers were the coriander seeds. Essendon don’t have a forward line that will trouble most opposition. Blakey kicked three. Sydney 12.11.83, Essendon 7.10.52.


Satarvo, the Monaros ran all over the Dees, made the most of the wide open space. Cameron kicked five, Greene three. Goodwin has a bit of work ahead of him, Gawn outplayed Jacobs, but that was the only highlight for Melbourne. GWS 18.9.117, Melbourne 6.14.50.


The Dogs needed a bounce back and Carlton gave it to them. Close at the long break, the Tricolours went nuts for 15 minutes in the third and, man, that was all she wrote. Footscray 13.17.95, Carlton 9.10.64.


Lions at the Gabba was too quick for the Shinboners in a tough contest . Brown kicked four, but the backline was oft caught flatfooted . Brisbane 13.11.89, North 10.12.72.


At the Showdown, Crows was a one-armed bandit, Port was Bill Hickock. Lucky for Matthew Nicks that he went bald in his twenties, he’s used to it now. Port 16.18.114, Adelaide 9.11.65.


Sunday at Goomba Park, the Suns did better than expected, or maybe Cats aren’t that good. Nonetheless, few in Geelong lost on the bet unless they were going for a big win. Geelong 14.17.101, Gold Coast 11.11.77.


Saints hosted the Wiggles, one game this early shouldn’t make a difference to the flag odds, but the visitors were scary fast and sharp. Ryder played Naitanui into form. West Coast 16.9.105, St Kilda 7.12.54.


No-one wants to be Justin Longmuir this week. Fyfe tried hard but was trapped like a fox by hounds. He is the new Bobby Skilton. Clarkson is just too damn sharp. Mitchell had 43 touches. Hawthorn 13.14.92, Fremantle 8.7.55.


Folks, it’s too damn early to make much of form one way or another, lest she getcha, getcha, getcha. Last season’s best teams have hit the ground running, as goes the cliché. Let’s create another cliché: a few teams have hit the ground and tripped over their bootlaces.


Cheers Tipsters


P&C, A Stop Privatisation Of Footy Production, a division of Trans Dementia Inc
Brought to you with the assistance of Captain Beefheart’s ‘Trout Mask Replica.’



Ladder: team, percentage, premiership points

Port, 204.3, 8
GWS, 180.5, 8
West Coast, 174.3, 8
Hawthorn, 155.6, 8
Sydney, 127.6, 8
Richmond, 125, 8
Collingwood, 126.1, 4
Geelong 95.6, 4
Brisbane, 93.2, 4
North 89.5, 4
Footscray, 86, 4
Essendon 82.1, 0
Carlton, 72.5, 0
Adelaide, 72.3, 0
Fremantle, 72.3, 0
St Kilda 67.5, 0
Gold Coast, 60.6, 0
Melbourne, 51.8, 0




Our writers are independent contributors. The opinions expressed in their articles are their own. They are not the views, nor do they reflect the views, of Malarkey Publications.


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About Earl O'Neill

Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.


  1. John Butler says

    Earl, that’s assuming some of those teams had bootlaces in the first place.

  2. Earl- how good would footy team songs be as sung by Captain Beefheart?

  3. Looking forward to these continuing. Hope “we’ve got the upset” features soon. Not out west but.
    All 9 faves only win once a year.
    Where is Cobba now?

  4. Mate the blues robbed Footscray

  5. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    These reports seem briefer than last years. It must be the 16.5 minutes per quarter.

  6. george smith says


    According to AFL Evolution, Collingwood has defeated BOTH Richmond and Hawthorn! I saw it on YouTube. Well us Pies are a superstitious lot and will take any good omens we can. So thank you Gamers.

    Now if hypothetical Collingwood can beat hypothetical West Coast we are staring the hypothetical premiership in the face. Hmm, time to pray my usual Novena to St Jude, the Patron Saint of impossible causes…

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