The 2017 Alan Turing Cup – Round Twelve

Greetings Tipsters


It’s true, I have seen a DeLorean on the road near home.


The 2005 ‘Mopsy’ Fraser Cup – Round Twelve Preview


Greetings Tipsters


This week, the players scored a 3% pay rise. Now, before you go off and hit up the half-back flanker for a loan, bear in mind that this ain’t like the $17 payrise that Laurie Average is supposed to get in his envelope (which he will lose when they adjust his missus’ family payment accordingly). What it means is that St Kilda have another 3% in the salary cap so they can offer their galaxy of young stars a bit more dosh to convince them to stick around and share in the heartache of dashed dreams, unfulfilled ambitions and all the usual panoply of St Kilda. Anyone remember Aussie Jones’ pic appearing in the paper, done up in full make-up and in the company of drag queens? Now THAT is what St Kilda is all about. That’s why we love them. Jeez, if they ever became really good, in the footballing sense, then what would be the point of them existing? We’d only hate them, then, and glory in their downfall, like we do with Essendon, f’rinstance.


And we’ve already got Essendon, who travel to Subi this weekend to face up to Woosha’s Wiggles. Mad Sheeds is hoping for rain, so Judd will catch pneumonia. It’s weird how the Greatest Team Of All Time in 2000 have slipped so far. Just goes to show, a season is a long time in football. Five seasons, an eternity!


So how will the Wiggles/Bummers game rate? There’s been a lot of talk about TV rights lately, what with them coming up for renegotiation. Monday night football? (It’s long been a boomer in the USA.) Sunday night football? Why the hell not, if you’re gonna bounce at 1230 hours in Adelaide (local time) why not bounce at 1830 in Melbourne? Let’s face it, times are all over the shop and TV pays the bills. Now, the NRL handed over scheduling rights to TV in return for a whole bunch of money. The AFL hasn’t, and really wouldn’t need to. They can rely on us coming through the turnstiles – 20,000 is a bad gate for the AFL, but a heavensent kickarse gate for the NRL.


Anyway, on to the weekend. Cat Thommo reckons he’s been down on form, and didn’t whinge too much about the short breaks the team formerly known as the Handbags have copped. They can sit at home and wait for the Crows on Sunday, and it promises to be a hot one. Game of the round, without a doubt.


Hawthorn meet St Kilda, and wouldn’t it be a hoot if the Hawks won? Unless you’re a St Kilda supporter, of course. Are they playing for The Waverly Cup? If not, they should be.  The God of Fertility resorted to motor racing metaphors, saying “getting the rubber to actually meet the road and grip and go forward hasn’t happened as yet to the standard we’d like.” Like, he wants the Saints to be Valentino Rossi, but will have to settle for them being Sete Gibernau.


Carlton meet Brisbane on their new home “turf.” The TerrorDome’s been around for a while now, but the surface still looks like a freshly laid roll on top of beach-side sand that copped a rugged rugby match played by drunks. After all this time, after all the excuses, we’ll just have to get used to the fact that it is now as good as it’s ever gonna get. I know turf, it’s my job, and I’d be embarassed if I had to say I laid that crap.


The Dogs travel to Amy Staydyum to play Port – the Once-Was-Power should drop this one, based on form. The Funky Purps hit the city that, in some way, should be their second home. Plugger kicked his 100th for the season and 1000th for his career in a game against the Purps and the Swans still lost. Maybe Big Bad Bazz, revelling in his role as captain, will take some kinda revenge. Sydney are wobbly. Freo are even more wobbly. Shapes up as something you wouldn’t bother taping.


The Roos face up to the Tigers. On the public holiday, the Dees “take on” the 4&20s. I have ambivalent feelings about the Queen’s Birthday. Some years back, in an inner-city shared terrace, we hosted the greatest damn party I’ve ever witnessed. The house and backyard were crammed with hundreds of people, an assortment of local identities played and improvised dancin’ rock and roll from 7pm to 5am, the constabulary made repeated visits, the neighbours threatened violence several times (attempted it at least twice, but they weren’t really up to it), we needed a special visit from the council recycling truck to collect all the empties. And so much more. So, every time Melbourne play Collingwood is just another reminder of the passing of time. Still, we’re all a lot smarter and a helluva lot more experienced than we were back then, eh? So how come our teams still play like idiots?


Good luck, Tipsters.


About Earl O'Neill

Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.


  1. 2005 – I’d like to see that. “Sydney are wobbly”. Not how I remember it.
    Still – I’ll have what you’re having Earl. See you at the MCG of our memories in September.
    Memory Creation Graveyard?

  2. Earl O'Neill says

    Peter, hindsight distorts. The 2005 ladder at the time of scribbling:

  3. John Butler says

    So, you’re already bored with sitting top of the ladder?

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