The 2012 ‘Mopsy’ Fraser Cup – Round Twelve

Greetings Tipsters

Your correspondent is currently leading his tipping competition.

I’d like to say that I have fantastical insights or a rigourously well-informed analytical system happening but the truth is that I think about them for about as long as it takes to click on the dots on the tipping website. Dumb luck? Partly, luck has almost always been friendly. A larger part, though, is the nature of the AFL this season.

The Fuschias, the Schoolies, the Barbecues will always lose. Near enough, anyway, they’ve two wins between them from thirty-four games. The Shinboners, the Scray, the Koalas and the Gummy Sharks have eighteen wins from forty-five games.

Against that, the top six have fifty-one wins from sixty-seven games. So here we are, halfway, more or less, through the season and we’re still waiting for a bolter from the pack, that team or two which will stamp themselves on the wrist with the elephant stamp of ‘Good achievement.’

We’ll be waiting until September (cue Helen Shapiro). The draw is so hopelessly compromised and twisted that the true nature of the 2012 season will only start to shake itself out in the finals. You’d be one game li’l bastard to predict anything this week. The Wiggles might’ve been the bolter if their forward line hadn’t have fallen over. Not that it’s stopped them, obviously, not so far. Same might be said of the 4&20s, only they lose a player or two every week and Nat the Buck might have to pull the boots on by Round Seventeen they way they’re going.

Mayhap the Murder be the bolter we haven’t really noticed. Very few injuries, very good form. You gotta wonder what the Scientist was on about the last few years, this team has gone from the casualty ward to the bright lights very quickly.

The Sparkies, this week at least, have the best defense and the best percentage. Well, so did St Kilda at the end of August in 2009. The Sparkies have an historic capacity for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. They don’t have any forward on the long-term injury list, they just don’t have much of a forward line anyway.

Bundy Clarkson reckons the Mayblooms haven’t done anything yet and we can leave it at that. You could say that about the Mosquitos, too.

You could say that about all these teams, none of them have really done anything, except win at least three-quarters of the matches they’ve been scheduled to play. They’ve done what they had to do.

As I write, I know that a work-experience kid at some football-print-media place has been tasked to make up a spreadsheet and a graph (“line graph, no, make it a pie chart. Ha, PIE chart! Grab us another three Crownies from the office fridge, Stevie. What? Your name’s Mahima? Well, why didn’t you say so!”) because we must get to thinking about ‘the run home’ and all that malarkey.

It doesn’t matter. Any one of the top six teams could concievably be drinking champagne from the premiership cup. The AFL has no equivalent to Jorge Lorenzo.

Jorge has won three straight races, four of six so far and he did no worse than second in the other two. Get in front and stay there? Jorge gets in front and then gets further in front with every lap. Casey Stoner may be a better rider but Jorge has a better motorcycle and Casey seems to have lost that 0.01% of manic intent that made him the only kid who could put the evil Ducati on the podium on a regular basis.

But does either of these two undoubted champions have the balls to ride the Isle Of Man Tourist Trophy? It was quite a weekend for motorsport and there is nothing, nothing quite like watching the most courageous/most insane motorcyclists in the world doing 180mph through a village where the stone walls scrape their leathers, airborne over a hump, shifting balance before the bike lands and compresses the suspension beyond the limit, taking chunks out of the fairing.

I watch a lot of motorsport. I studied forms of car racing this last weekend and have decided that Australia’s V8 Supercars is very successful if one aimed to create the most boring form of motorsport. It’s like watching a very colourful collection of taxis spruced up with wings following each other in a chain around a road.

For the sake of balance, I watched NASCAR’s Pocono 400, from Pennsylvania. I’ve been looking at NASCAR lately, and it is a far more exciting spectacle than V8 Supercars. There is more passing, more strategies and the crashes are illimitabely more spectacular. Hey, if the old Calder Thunderdome is still there, they oughta run a V8 Supercars race there. That’ll sort ‘em out.

The best four-wheeled motorsport you’ll see in Australia is the historic touring cars. There’s a few classes running in this, the TCM, group Nb, group Nc, and they’re all great fun to watch, cars that really do look and sound different to the rest of the field. Where else will you get to see a 1964 Ford Galaxie sliding around amidst EH Holdens, a 1969 Mustang going fender for fender against a VH Charger?

Shades of a long haired Neil Balme in a yellow and black jumper?

Cheers Tipsters

P&C, a Stop Privatisation Of Footy Production, a division of Trans-Dementia Enterprises.

Brought to you with the assistance of ‘Trashcan – Eurotrash’, a fantastic compilation of obscure mid 1960s European pop music.

About Earl O'Neill

Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.

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